THE WEST WING TRANSCRIPT: King Corn (S6E13)

THE WEST WING
6x13 - “KING CORN”
WRITTEN BY JOHN WELLS
DIRECTED BY ALEX GRAVES

Transcribed by Walking, Talking, And Yelling At Clouds
(kegofglory.blogspot.com)

TEASER

KING CORN

Patsy Cline’s ‘Walking After Midnight’ plays as we FADE IN on a montage of restaurant and hotel signs, many of them emblazoned with ‘Welcome Iowa Corn Growers.’ 

CUT TO: EXT. - SNOWY CITY STREET – NIGHT

A car pulls up outside a Holiday Inn.

CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DONNA gets out of the car. The driver, TREVOR, gets out to help with her suitcase.

TREVOR
You gonna need me in the morning?

DONNA
I’ll call Mindy if I do.

TREVOR
Okay.

DONNA
Thanks.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT

DONNA walks up to the front desk, dragging a suitcase behind her.

DONNA
Hey – anything for 412?

WEDNESDAY 12:55 AM

DESK CLERK (handing DONNA a long FedEx package)
Mr. Bailey is still in the cafe.

DONNA
Thanks. Good night.

DESK CLERK (as DONNA heads to the cafe)
5:45 wake up call?

DONNA
Yeah, or you could just have someone come to my room and hit me over the head with a mallet or something.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CAFE – NIGHT

WILL is having a strategy session with a large group of staffers. DONNA walks up to join them.

WILL
We got a name for the hog roast yet?

CHRISTINE
Um, Pig Out with Bob?

ROGER (to DONNA)
Hey, how was South Carolina?

DONNA
Southern.

WILL
How’d the donor conferences go?

DONNA
Heard a couple hundred ideas about how Democrats can take back the South and scooped up the checks.

ROGER
Don’t be a tease …

DONNA
Half a million.

ROGER
Wow!

WILL
Hey, nice!
 
DONNA
When’s the VP coming in?

ROGER
Air Force 2 is wheels down at 9:30.

DONNA (to WILL)
Where do you want me?

WILL
We need to pack the stage for Thursday’s debate with five or six fringe candidates, Christine’ll help you.

STAFFER (handing some papers to WILL)
Here you go, Will.

CHRISTINE
We’ve got, uh, two recently released federal inmates, an airline mechanic, two men over the age of 80, comedian, a nun -

ROGER
Don’t forget Jennifer James.

WILL, CHRISTINE, and ROGER talk over one another.

CHRISTINE
One guy’s entire platform -

WILL
Porn star.

ROGER
That girl’s got talent.

CHRISTINE
- is, uh, -

WILL
And stamina.

CHRISTINE
- tax cut for anyone who adopts a pet and has them neutered.

DONNA
And why do we want them in the debates, aside from, you know, the neutering thing?

WILL
Hoynes was hoping to be alone on that stage with the VP. The more wackos we put around him, the more Hoynes looks like just another clown. (to all) Okay, morning staff at 6:30.

CHRISTINE, ROGER and the other staffers get up to head to their rooms. DONNA moves into the booth across from WILL.

WILL
How was it?

DONNA
Good. Pool in Charleston was nice.

WILL
You had time to swim?

DONNA
No, but it looked nice. We really going to call them Bob’s Boulders?

WILL
They keep signing those checks, I don’t care if they call themselves the Flying Wallendas. Half a million – not bad for two days of rolling with the Boulders. (getting up to leave) Night.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT

DONNA walks past a sign reading ‘JOHN DEERE WELCOMES IOWA CORN GROWERS’ as she heads to the elevator. We hear the Johnny Cash song ‘Green, Green Grass of Home’ playing on the hotel speakers. DONNA steps inside the elevator and pushes the button for the 4th floor. As the door nearly closes, JOSH rushes up outside and tries to get his arm in before it shuts.

JOSH
Uh, can you hold the elevator?

DONNA (from inside, as the door stops and opens again)
I’m sorry, I didn’t …

JOSH (speaking into his cell phone)
Yeah, uh, if we can’t afford at least 200 points out of Boston, we gotta find another way -

JOSH enters the elevator and realizes it’s DONNA inside.

JOSH (into phone)
Stuart, will you, uh, call me back in five? Thanks. (he hangs up)

DONNA
I’m sorry, I couldn’t find the button.

JOSH
No … uh, will you hit four?

DONNA points at the indicator, with the light for the 4th floor already lit. The door closes and the elevator goes up. JOSH and DONNA stand uncomfortably quiet, Johnny Cash singing in the background. JOSH finally speaks.

JOSH
Just get back?

DONNA
Yeah. South Carolina.

JOSH
How’s it going for you guys down there?

DONNA
We’re closing in on Hoynes. (pause) You?

JOSH
We’re focusing on New Hampshire right now.

Another uncomfortable silent pause as the elevator continues. Finally the bell dings and the door opens, and JOSH and DONNA both rush out. As they turn to go down the same hallway, they both stop and look at one another. They then continue side-by-side.

JOSH
So, where did you stay? In South Carolina?

DONNA
Marriott. Charleston.

JOSH
Oh, they got that nice-looking pool.

DONNA steps ahead of JOSH and reaches her room, 412. As she picks up an envelope outside her door, JOSH stops at the door directly across the hall and picks up an envelope as well. They both take out their key cards to go inside their rooms.

DONNA
So … good night.

JOSH
Yeah. See you.

DONNA gets her door open, then sees JOSH having trouble getting his key card to unlock his door.

DONNA
You’re doing it too fast.

DONNA crosses the hall to help JOSH.

JOSH
I get, I get frequent flier miles every time I swipe …

DONNA swipes the key card and the door opens. She hands the card back to JOSH and he enters the room.

JOSH
So much for the Bermuda trip.

DONNA gives JOSH a look as she goes into her room.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

JOSH tosses his bags down, sitting on his bed and scratching his head. He thinks a moment.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT

JOSH’s door opens and he strides across the hall. He is about to knock on DONNA’s door when he stops himself. He stands there – then he hears his own door close and lock behind him. He slowly walks back to his door; he swipes his key card too quickly a couple of times, then tries more slowly. The door unlocks and he goes back inside. We see him put the ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on the door handle and he closes the door as we hear ‘Green, Green Grass of Home’ end.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER.
***

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. - HOTEL ROOM – DAY

A telephone is ringing. We see DONNA, asleep in her bed, the phone ringing next to her. She groggily reaches over and grabs the handset.

DONNA (into phone)
Yeah?

RECORDED VOICE (on phone)
Good morning. This is your … five … forty-five … AM wakeup call.

DONNA hangs up the phone and turns on the lamp.

WEDNESDAY 5:46 AM

DONNA pulls on a sweater and turns on the TV. As we see her prepare for the day – getting her freshly charged cell phone, wearing socks and moving a towel under her feet on the bathroom floor, brushing her teeth, starting a pot of coffee, turning on the shower – we hear the TV news anchor.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
- Karly Farkula, a 22-year-old Turkish woman, who was sexually involved with a co-worker, was convicted of adultery this morning. She’s been sentenced to death for her crime. The conviction of the young woman comes at a precarious time for Turkey, who has, until recently, enacted reforms aimed at preparing the country for European Union membership. However, EU officials say the execution of Miss Farkula would be a major obstacle to Turkey’s future inclusion in the EU. Meanwhile, Bartlet administration officials stressed that, while they’re saddened by Turkey’s decision to allow the execution to go forward, the United States remains committed to strengthening ties with Turkey.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

A chaotic scene of Russell staffers talking at desks crammed into a hotel conference room, maps of Iowa and whiteboards hanging on the wall, phones ringing. WILL is there, and DONNA, too, both on cell phones. ROGER is trying to make some announcements.

ROGER
American Legion pancake breakfast, followed by brief remarks at the opening of the new field office in Des Moines -

CHRISTINE (walking in with some papers)
It’ll be five degrees with wind chill.

ROGER
- bus ride to Centerville, then on to the Iowa Corn Growers speech.

CHRISTINE
Where are we on the ethanol speech?

WILL
VP loves ethanol, showers in it every morning.

CHRISTINE
Comment on Turkey?

WILL
What’s the President saying?

DONNA
‘Saddened, committed to strengthening ties.’

CHRISTINE
Saddened? They’re going to behead her for sleeping with a co-worker.

WILL
Who’s got the wonderful world of corn?

HOWARD (another staffer)
That’d be me. Iowa Corn Growers’ Expo is a nonpartisan event, sponsored by the Iowa Farm League.

STAFFER
Nonpartisan? What’s that?

HOWARD
Well, the Expo offers an excellent opportunity to address farmers, corn growers, crop consultants, and seed corn reps on a variety of issues, including the economy, farm subsidies, trade, biotechnology, ethanol, and an alternative fuel.

ROGER
Now, we’re sure Hoynes is going to flip?

WILL
Believe me, Hoynes is taking the ethanol pledge. This is a guy who, if he was speaking to a group of cannibals, would promise them missionaries.

ROGER
Think we’ll be able to find some corn?

HOWARD
Corn fritters, corn pudding, corn flambe, corn souffle, Creole corn, country-fried corn, peanut butter corn cakes, and Huitlacoche – it’s a, like a corn smut, a sweet corn fungus, they give it to pigs in the States, it’s actually a delicacy in South America.

WILL
Well, no need to stop for lunch today, everybody fill up on corn smut at the Jefferson Cow Barn. (standing up and announcing to the room) All right, five days till the caucuses, 19 days to New Hampshire … 

The staffers start to rise and put on their coats.

WILL
Donna, Christine … you two heading out on your, uh, ‘Beyond The Fringe’ world tour? 

DONNA
First stop, Peter Burton, he wants the military to occupy our schools to prevent gun violence.

WILL
M1 Abrams tank seems like a worthwhile truancy deterrent.

HOWARD
Hundred and twenty millimeter cannon’d blow the training wheels right off any tardy sixth-grader’s bike.

CHRISTINE
Tough on cafeteria linoleum.

WILL (to DONNA)
Hey, swing by the Expo, Bob’ll want to thank you for looking at that pool.

CUT TO: EXT. - RURAL HIGHWAY – DAY

A car is traveling down a two-lane rural highway through the fog. As we hear DONNA speak, we cut inside the car. DONNA is riding in the front seat, CHRISTINE in the back. TREVOR is driving.

DONNA (VO)
We can skip this next one, he went to a federal prison for three years for refusing to pay income tax.

CHRISTINE
You ever been to one of these crazy caucuses, Trevor?

TREVOR
Yeah, my, uh, grandmother runs one down at her church every four years.

CHRISTINE
You don’t think it’s weird your out-of-the-way, nickel-and-dime, penny-ante state gets to go first?

TREVOR
Well, we, we always go first.

CHRISTINE
Yeah, and why is that?

DONNA
Iowa’s first because it’s first.

CHRISTINE
Says who?

DONNA (looking at her files)
We should check this Craig guy out.

CHRISTINE
So you don’t think Californians should get to meet the candidates down at the Barstow Dairy Queen?

TREVOR
We’re not a bunch of politically spoiled farm hands. Look, we take the responsibility of screening the Presidential candidates for the rest of the nation very seriously.

CHRISTINE
Guy wins Iowa, all it means is he’s learned how to speak intelligently about soybeans and farm implements.

TREVOR (to DONNA, nodding out the window)
Here we are, this is the, Burtons’ right here …

The car turns off the highway onto a gravel driveway, past a mailbox with BURTON scrawled on it. The driveway is blocked by a chain with a sign hanging on it. The sign reads:

Screw The Dog! THIS PROPERTY PROTECTED BY SMITH & WESSON

with a depiction of a hand holding a revolver pointed at the reader.

CHRISTINE
Maybe we should’ve called first.

CUT TO: INT. - RUSSELL CAMPAIGN BUS – DAY

After a shot of the bus rolling down a divided highway with a police escort, we go inside to see WILL meeting with VICE PRESIDENT RUSSELL in the back of the bus, as ROGER and other staffers work in the front of the bus. RUSSELL is putting on a tie.

WILL (VO)
Good flight in?

RUSSELL
Uh, slept. First stop’s a pancake breakfast? I love pancakes.

WILL
The Sun-Times wants a statement on farm subsidies.

RUSSELL
Uhhhh, the family farm is the backbone of America.

WILL
Think they were looking for something a bit more substantial.

RUSSELL
Well, what do they expect, I’m going to come out against farm subsidies in Iowa? Oppose manhole covers in Manhattan?

WILL
We’ll give them the boilerplate.

RUSSELL
It’s a tragedy about that woman in Turkey. We issue a statement?

WILL
You deplore it.

RUSSELL
That’s good to know.

WILL
And you support President Bartlet’s efforts to strengthen ties with an important regional ally. This morning’s finance report - $8.2 million, cash in hand.

RUSSELL
That ought to buy a few more lawn signs.

WILL
And the lawns to go with them.

ROGER (leading RUSSELL to the front of the bus)
Got a minute for some donors? Irwin Drucker and his wife, Eileen, have a daughter, Susan, at LSU. Peter Mosby, he’s in insurance -

We see WILL watching as we hear RUSSELL offscreen.

RUSSELL (VO)
Uh, sorry I got stuck in the back talking to the White House. Irwin, Eileen, how’s your daughter Susan doing at, uh, LSU?

CUT TO: INT. - FARMHOUSE – DAY

DONNA and TREVOR are talking to a MR. EDGARS, in a wood-paneled room with shotguns, hunting trophies, and stuffed animal heads everywhere. A large sign over the fireplace reads:

EDGARS
The Friendly Fascist.
A Tyrant You Can Trust!

DONNA
Mr. Edgars, uh, your platform would allow all citizens to carry a concealed weapon?

EDGARS
Not allow. Require.

DONNA
And you don’t think that might lead to, well, anarchy?

EDGARS
What we got now is anarchy. An armed citizenry will take back our cities, our parks, our schools, and our highways.

CUT TO: INT. - ANOTHER FARMHOUSE – DAY

DONNA, CHRISTINE, and TREVOR are watching another fringe candidate, a MR. CONNORS, playing his guitar and singing an upbeat version of ‘Peace Train.’

CONNORS (singing)
How I been happy lately, thinking ‘bout days to come
And I believe it could be something good has begun
Oh, peace train – sounding louder
Glide on the peace train
Peace train, take this country
Take me home a-gain.

CUT TO: EXT. - OUTSIDE RUSSELL CAMPAIGN BUS – DAY

RUSSELL and WILL are returning to the bus from the pancake breakfast.

RUSSELL
You try those pepper sausages? Damn, those things were hot. Somebody get me a quart of milk and a bucket of sand.

ROGER meets RUSSELL at the door of the bus.

ROGER
Paul Durett and his wife, Mimi; Sam Skok and his son, David.

RUSSELL (stepping onto the bus)
Hey, y’all – I’m just going to step back, take my coat off, I’ll be right back. Roger, uh, make sure everybody’s got something to drink, all right? 

WILL follows RUSSELL as they head into the back of the bus.

WILL
You get a chance to look at the ethanol speech on the plane?

RUSSELL
Yeah, seems fine. Who else is speaking?

WILL
Hoynes before you, Clarkson and Santos after you, the Republicans go tonight.

RUSSELL
You think Arnie’s gonna say ethanol’s a colossal waste of the taxpayers’ money? (to staffer) Thanks, Shelley.

WILL
Vinick’ll flip. Has to.

RUSSELL (sighs)
I was in the Senate last time he made his anti-ethanol speech. Whew. It was passionate. Had it been a tie, I’m not sure what I would have done.

WILL
Voted ‘aye,’ if you ever wanted to run for national office again.

RUSSELL
I think ethanol passed something like, 82 to 18.

WILL
I’m surprised there were 18 Senators with no Presidential ambitions.

RUSSELL
Do you really think Vinick can wriggle out from under his ethanol record?

WILL
He’ll wiggle. He’ll squirm, but he’ll say as Senator he voted against it ‘cause it wasn’t good for California, as President he knows it’s good for the country. 

RUSSELL
He’ll pull a groin muscle reaching around behind him to pick up that one.

WILL (looking at campaign papers)
Mmm, Majority Whip is positioning on Third Circuit nominees again.

RUSSELL
No, Vinick’s not wrong about ethanol – it takes more oil to transport it and fertilize it than we save using it.

WILL
Sir, you’re not considering changing the speech -

RUSSELL
Was it Paul and Mandy?

WILL
Paul and Mimi, son David.

RUSSELL and WILL head back to the front of the bus.

CUT TO: EXT. - MUDDY FARM LOT – DAY

DONNA is standing in the mud, chickens clucking nearby, as she talks to another candidate, MR. JOHNSON, who is carrying a bucket of feed across the lot.

DONNA
Mr. Johnson, your platform would include paying the President, the Cabinet, and all members of Congress a salary of one dollar a year?

JOHNSON
Hell, yeah. Make ‘em get a real job.

DONNA
And you want to, ban motorcycle helmets, color television, drop out of the UN, abolish Medicare, and totally privatize Social Security?

JOHNSON
We got to get the government out of our damn pockets!

DONNA
Sir, are you – sure you’re a Democrat?

CUT TO: INT. - JEFFERSON CATTLE BARN – DAY

We see a shot of the Russell campaign bus driving into the loading dock area of the cattle barn arena, police escort and all.

JEFFERSON CATTLE BARN
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA

RUSSELL and WILL and the other staffers step off the bus.

WILL
We’re going to need some time after the trip tonight for debate prep, the Black and Brown’s coming up.

RUSSELL
Do I really have to go to that?

WILL
It’s an Iowa tradition.

REPORTER (shouting)
Mr. Vice President, one question -

WILL and RUSSELL continue down a back hallway.

RUSSELL
It’s not a fair fight – Atkins and Santos get to stand up there, holier than thou, rail against racial injustice while the rest of us loiter around looking like those two albino twins from The Matrix.

WILL (as they pass DONNA and CHRISTINE in the hallway)
Sir, Donna Moss is here, South Carolina fundraising -

RUSSELL (to DONNA)
Donna, great job on the Carolina trip. Keep those Boulders rolling.

DONNA
Thank you, sir. (to WILL) We can’t put these fringe candidates on stage with serious candidates. We’ve got a, fascist who was arrested for brandishing a rifle and calling for the overthrow of the republic; a delusional preacher; a guy who just needs a job; and a refugee from the New Christy Minstrels.

WILL (reading a note to RUSSELL)
Freight train derailed in Baton Rouge, big chemical spill and fire. They’re going to have to evacuate a 20-square-mile area.

RUSSELL
Any fatalities?

WILL
Leveled a couple of city blocks.

RUSSELL takes a moment to react to that, then ROGER appears from the stage area.

ROGER
They’re ready for you, sir.

WILL
We’re set on this ethanol speech?

RUSSELL
Don’t worry. I’m not suicidal. I’m gonna, take the pledge.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States.

RUSSELL
I was thinking about throwing in a little something about, uh, drastically reducing sugar subsidies, though.

WILL smiles and applauds as RUSSELL takes the stage, decorated with hay bales and a large  IOWA CORN GROWERS EXPO sign. 

DONNA (to WILL)
We can’t give these fringe people a megaphone, they’re lunatics. It’ll be a circus without the jugglers.

RUSSELL (onstage)
Thanks for that welcome. Now I’m not saying this just because I’m in Iowa. I say this everywhere I go – we need more ethanol production.

There is a wave of applause.

WILL (to DONNA)
It’s not already a circus?

RUSSELL (onstage)
When I was in Congress, I voted to subsidize …

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE.
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. - HOTEL ROOM – DAY

We hear a telephone ringing. JOSH is in bed, his head under the pillow. He groggily reaches out to answer the phone.

JOSH (into phone)
Hmm .. mmmm …

RECORDED VOICE (on phone)
Good morning. This is your … five … forty-five … AM wakeup call.

JOSH (into phone)
Thank you.

He hangs up the receiver.

WEDNESDAY 5:46 AM

Much as we saw with DONNA earlier, we see JOSH getting up and ready for the day. He switches on the TV and we hear much the same news report we saw DONNA listening to. JOSH puts on socks after tiptoeing in his bare feet on the cold bathroom floor, uses the toilet, starts the coffee maker, works on his laptop – as we see the coffeepot overflowing over the bathroom counter and onto the floor. JOSH holds a cup of coffee as he watches the end of the news report.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
- Karly Farkula, a 22-year-old Turkish woman, who was sexually involved with a co-worker, was convicted of adultery this morning. She’s been sentenced to death for her crime. In the most recent attempt to revamp Turkey’s 78-year-old penal code, members of the ruling Justice Development Party approved yesterday a controversial amendment criminalizing adultery. Leaders expressing concern that the country’s laws might be moving closer to Islamic law. The conviction of the young woman comes at a precarious time for Turkey, who has, until recently, enacted reforms aimed at preparing the country for European Union membership. EU officials say the execution of Miss Farkula would be a major obstacle to Turkey’s future inclusion in the EU. Bartlet administration officials stressed that, while they’re saddened by Turkey’s decision to allow the execution to go forward, the United States remains committed to strengthening ties with Turkey.

CUT TO: INT. - SANTOS HOTEL ROOM – DAY

The Santos children are watching cartoons on TV as HELEN gives them some breakfast.

DAFFY DUCK (on TV)
Hankering for trouble, eh?

HELEN (handing her daughter a bowl of cereal)
Okay, you guys – I’m just gonna be right next door, all right?

DAFFY DUCK (on TV)
I would like to introduce myself: Zip-along Daffy …

HELEN leaves the kids and heads into the connecting room, which is abuzz with activity with RONNA, NED, JOSH, MATT and other staffers working feverishly.

RONNA
At 10:00 we tour the Todd family orchard in Ames, press cider and talk about agricultural policy with local farmers, followed by a photo op in Audubon with Albert, world’s largest bull -

MATT (to HELEN)
Campaign’s full of metaphors, isn’t it?

JOSH (into phone)
Yeah, Josh Lyman for Teddy Eagle -

MATT (to NED)
Say, Ned – did Andreas send over the, uh, markups on the dispersal?

NED
Yeah.

MATT
I want to weigh in on it before it goes to the floor.

NED
Yeah, you’ll read it on the way.

RONNA
Next stop is the coffee bean caucus at Hamburg Inn Number Two.

HELEN
The what?

JOSH
Uh, it’s a diner, they line up mason jars with each candidate’s name on it, and every customer gets a coffee bean to toss in their favorite’s.

MATT
I even have a jar?

JOSH
We’ve been sending a volunteer in for pie every day for a week.

HELEN
Oh, you got seven beans, honey.

MATT
And a volunteer as big as Albert?

RONNA
Next is the nation’s oldest Dairy Queen, where you try soft serve and talk about jobs and the economy. Next, we fly to Iowa Corn Growers’ Expo -

JOSH (to MATT)
We have a plane?

MATT
Sort of.

JOSH
With wings?

MATT
Small ones.

RONNA 
- ‘I impale myself on the mighty sword of corn-based fuels’ speech.

HELEN
What are you going to say about ethanol?

There is a pause as MATT looks at HELEN.

JOSH
Best thing since soft serve. 

HELEN
Ethanol is subsidized to the tune of, what, a billion dollars a year, Josh?

MATT
What’s up after the, uh, corn expo?

RONNA
Uh, back here for prep on the Brown and Black debate.

MATT
All of you are going to prep me for a debate on race.

JOSH
Yeah, we should at least go over the opposing arguments. See if we can get after Hoynes on some of the issues.

MATT
I grew up in Houston, Josh, I lived the opposing arguments.

JOSH (checking his watch)
Okay, that’s it. Parking lot, ten minutes.

MATT
Terrible about this woman in Turkey, huh? What do you think the President’s going to do?

JOSH
Not much, I guess. I mean, she’s a Turkish citizen, it’s their country.

HELEN
They’re executing her because she slept with her fiance, thank God she didn’t cook him breakfast.

JOSH
Hey, we execute minors. The rest of the world thinks that’s barbaric.

HELEN
I’m with the world.

MATT (to HELEN)
You joining us this morning?

HELEN
Ah, no, Peter’s got the sniffles. Think we’re gonna stay here for a while. Honey, a billion dollars a year to make a gasoline additive?

MATT
I’m gonna go get my coat, kiss the kids goodbye.

JOSH
Yeah, pictures are better without the coat.

MATT
Circulation’s better with it.

HELEN (to JOSH)
Register has us at three percent?

JOSH
Yeah, I saw.

HELEN
Iowa’s Hispanic population is 2.8 percent. A billion dollars that could be spent on child health care, prenatal care, Head Start, education -

MATT (to HELEN, giving her a kiss on the cheek)
Catch up with us later?

HELEN
Yup.

JOSH (leaving with MATT, to HELEN)
See you.

CUT TO: INT. - SANTOS CAMPAIGN MOTORHOME – DAY

After seeing the motorhome roll down a rural road, with a minivan following behind, we move inside to see JOSH, NED, RONNA and other staffers coordinating with MATT.

JOSH
Oh, we wrangled you an invitation to go pheasant hunting with one of the Osceola County supervisors – get into camo gear, swing a 12 gauge over your shoulder, (yawning) get a few photos for the AP.

MATT
With a gun?

JOSH
You were in the Marines, you know how to shoot, right?

MATT
Yeah, a 20 millimeter chain gun, but it might be a little hard on the pheasant.

JOSH and RONNA smile, a giant hand-drawn SANTOS FOR PRESIDENT sign on the wall behind them.

MATT
You know, Helen’s not wrong about ethanol.

JOSH
Aw, please, come on …

MATT
It’s bad for the environment, it’s expensive – mother of all panders.

JOSH
After antagonizing New Hampshire voters, we’re gonna march into Iowa, do the same thing?

MATT
Transportation is difficult, storage is a nightmare -

JOSH
What is this, the insult and injury tour? We’re going to North Dakota next, tell them South Dakota has a cooler-sounding name?

MATT
Farm subsidies began as a way to help farmers in the Depression. It’s decades out of date, it’s corporate welfare.

JOSH
Don’t you actually want to get some votes in one of these states?

CUT TO: EXT. - HAMBURG INN PARKING LOT – DAY

MATT, JOSH and the rest are getting out of the motorhome. It is raining. NED opens an umbrella, as JOSH opens another one to hold over MATT as they walk across the parking lot.

MATT
Ah, seventy-five percent of the money goes to the richest ten percent of American farmers. You know, we’re talking about writing six-figure checks to Chevron, the John Hancock Insurance Company, NBA basketball stars.

JOSH
Repeat after me: ‘Family farming is a precious way of life in this country, and we’re gonna do everything we can to protect it.’

MATT (greeting a man walking in the parking lot)
Hi, I’m Matt Santos, I’m running for President. 

MAN
Hi …

MATT
Why don’t you come back inside, we’ll talk about how we can make America stronger.

MAN (walking away)
Good luck.

MATT (to JOSH)
So I want to take another look at the ethanol speech when we get back -

JOSH
No! Absolutely not!

MATT
- as soon as we get back on the bus.

JOSH
It’s not gonna happen!

RONNA (to JOSH, as they all enter the restaurant)
He doing it again?

JOSH
Yeah.

CUT TO: INT. - HAMBURG INN – DAY

We see some of the jars for the coffee bean caucus – HOYNES, RUSSELL, EDGAR … and SANTOS, which has only a few coffee beans in it. JOSH picks up the jar and shakes it ruefully.

MAN (in background)
- about immigration policy, we need to tighten our borders.

MATT (in background)
Oh, that’s fine …

NED (to JOSH, who is holding the jar)
Maybe we should find some hungrier volunteers.

JOSH (putting the jar down)
He’s not talking ethanol, is he?

NED
Immigration.

JOSH
Great, he proposing opening the border and - pelting them with surplus corn?

NED
Nope. Something about foreign nationals serving in the military without being given citizenship.

JOSH
Oh my God … 

CUT TO: EXT. - HAMBURG INN PARKING LOT – DAY

JOSH and MATT lead the group back into the rain in the parking lot.

MATT
- we let them defend our country, but we won’t let them be American citizens until after they’re discharged?

JOSH
You’re Hispanic! You start talking immigration reform, people are gonna think you want to throw open the borders! 

MATT
No, no, no, no, not throw them open, but make some kind of sense out of our immigration laws. And you know, the ethanol subsidy is a joke. It’s practically in the Oxford English Dictionary under ‘pandering.’ Uh, maybe the voters will respect us more for telling them the truth.

JOSH
What truth? That because ethanol isn’t perfect, they have to send their kids to community college, and we’re gonna, yank millions out of their local economy?

MATT
Yeah, but it’s up to us to explain to them that it, it’s gonna hurt them, that, that we’re essentially paying for make-work jobs, I mean, that can’t be what they want.

JOSH
Yeah, well, explain it to them after someone’s actually elected us to something, okay?

CUT TO: EXT. - AIRPORT FBO – DAY

As the campaign motorhome pulls up in front of a building with GLANFORD painted on the side, we hear MATT still debating with JOSH.

MATT (VO)
I am not going to a Brown and Black debate and only talk about economic issues, I’ll look ridiculous.

JOSH and MATT exit the motorhome and start across the tarmac. NED, RONNA, and other staffers follow them.

JOSH
Lack of opportunity is the root of all our divisions. We need to lower the deficit, lower interest rates, and create more private sector jobs. We need to raise educational standards, and equip all Americans for the new economy. That’s what Russell and Hoynes will be saying.

MATT
You’re trying to steer me towards middle-of-the-road positions that appeal to C-SPAN viewers.

JOSH
All six of ‘em who’ll be watching the debate, yeah, God bless ‘em.

MATT
You really want me to talk about the economic problems in the minority communities?

JOSH
Yeah, I really do.

MATT
Okay, how about the fact that minority kids are five times more likely to grow up poor and fatherless?

JOSH
You know you can’t go there.

MATT
I’m serious! Kids who grow up fatherless are more likely to suffer emotional consequences, and twice as likely to engage in criminal activities.

MATT is conducting a quick preflight inspection of a twin-engine propeller aircraft.

JOSH
We need to be challenging Hoynes, not fringe candidates like Atkins.

MATT
We reformed welfare to require women to work – that is, when they can find a job – but we haven’t done half as much to force deadbeat dads to pay for child support.

JOSH 
You know damn well less than a quarter of Latino kids grow up without their fathers. It’s nearly half of African-American children.

MATT
I don’t care if it’s three Bosnians, an Armenian, and a bus full of party clowns, it’s a huge economic problem, Josh.

JOSH
It’s gonna look like you’re lecturing African-Americans.

MATT
Oh, so if I’m President, I can only use the bully pulpit to talk to Latinos? What, does my State of the Union only run on Telemundo, too?

JOSH
No, but tell me right now, what’s gonna help everyone, broadly, make a difference across all the races?

MATT
Values issues are important, too, Josh. And supporting ethanol is a mistake, I want to see that speech.

MATT climbs aboard the plane, NED helping with a bag. JOSH looks at the plane skeptically.

JOSH
This is a small plane.

NED
You don’t like small planes?

JOSH
Like, Buddy Holly small. Big Bopper small.

NED
Jiles Perry Richardson. Bppper’s real name. Richie Valens, too. All went down right here in Iowa.

NED climbs aboard.

CUT TO: INT. - AIRCRAFT CABIN – DAY

JOSH squeezes into a seat. RONNA is sitting across from him as NED gets into the seat next to JOSH. We hear radio chatter as JOSH looks around.

JOSH
Where’s the Congressman?

RONNA
Up front.

JOSH
Up front?

RONNA
Well, he can’t exactly fly it from back here.

MATT leans around from the cockpit to look at the passengers.

MATT
Everybody set?

RONNA gives a thumbs-up.

MATT
You might want to buckle up, Josh. Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of doing barrel rolls.

JOSH looks uncomfortable.

CUT TO: INT. - JEFFERSON CATTLE BARN – DAY

We see the Santos campaign motorhome pulling up to the loading dock area of the cattle barn arena, with a police escort.

JEFFERSON CATTLE BARN
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA

MATT, JOSH, and the other staffers exit the motorhome and start heading for the arena. MATT is going over the speech.

MATT (reading)
‘Ethanol is good for our economy, good for our environment, and should be at the heart of our energy strategy.’

JOSH
We’ve lost 850,000 jobs to foreign oil. Ethanol’s created 150,000. Think of it as a, Midwestern jobs program.

MATT (reading)
‘As President, I will ensure that by the year 2020, ten percent of all motor fuels will come from renewable sources like ethanol -’

JOSH
Four lines at the top of the speech, think of it as a quick trip to the dentist. 

MATT
Yeah, I’m a pretty good flosser.

As the group walks down a back hallway, they meet HELEN.

MATT (giving her a kiss)
Hey, honey, how you doing?

HELEN
Mmm, good, Peter’s feeling better, so -

MATT
Great. Ronna, do we know who’s been here already?

RONNA
Uh, Hoynes this morning, Russell about an hour ago.

MATT (to JOSH)
All right, you know, I, I’m not gonna do this – any of it. I’m gonna go in there and I’m gonna tell these people the truth. We have to help farmers in the tough years, and then reform the system so that we can target those who really need it, not these agribusinesses and multimillionaires.

NED (rushing up)
Ready, Congressman?

MATT
Yeah.

JOSH
You walk out there on that stage and you come out against ethanol, you are dead meat. Bambi’d have a better shot at getting elected President of the NRA than you will have of getting a single vote in this caucus.

HELEN
Let him say what he wants to say, Josh, he’s right.

JOSH
No, he’s not!

MATT
Look, you want me to support something I know to be lousy policy and a colossal waste of taxpayers’ money to round up a couple of votes for a caucus I can’t possibly win.

JOSH
I want you to support a policy that helps a lot of people, so that a year from now when you are sworn in as President, you can make the changes we both know need to be made.

MATT looks at HELEN, then back at JOSH.

MATT
I’m ready.

MATT heads up the stairs to the stage.

JOSH
Matt.

MATT stops. HELEN looks at JOSH.

JOSH
Take the pledge.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, Congressman Matthew Santos.

As the crowd applauds, MATT takes the stage and goes to the microphone. HELEN and JOSH watch from backstage.

MATT
Oh, thank you, thank you very much for that warm welcome.

As the crowd quiets expectantly, MATT looks at the teleprompter. We see the opening of the speech on the screen:

ETHANOL IS GOOD FOR OUR ECONOMY, GOOD FOR OUR ENVIRONMENT, AND SHOULD BE AT

MATT stands silent for a moment.

MATT
Ethanol … (pause) is good for our economy, good for our environment, and should be at the heart of our energy strategy.

The crowd cheers. JOSH pumps his fist. HELEN watches with her arms crossed.

MATT
As President, I will ensure that by the year 2020, ten percent of all motor fuels come from renewable resources … like ethanol.

JOSH whistles in appreciation. HELEN turns and walks away.

MATT
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to talk about the dramatic steps that we must take … 

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO.
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. - HOTEL ROOM – DAY

In the darkness we hear a phone ringing. We see SENATOR VINICK, in bed, reaching out to answer the phone.

VINICK (into phone)
Yeah …

MAN (on phone)
Good morning, sir, it’s 5:45.

VINICK (into phone)
Great. Okay, thank you.

MAN (on phone)
You’re welcome.

WEDNESDAY 5:46 AM

VINICK sits up and turns on the lamp. He puts on his glasses and looks at a picture by his bed, which we can’t see. As VINICK continues to prepare for the day – picking up a newspaper outside his door, heading into the bathroom – the TV has a version of the same report we’ve seen twice already.

ANCHOR (on TV)
- Karly Farkula, a 22-year-old Turkish woman, who was sexually involved with a co-worker, was convicted of adultery this morning. Leaders are expressing concern that the country’s laws might be moving closer to Islamic law. Meanwhile, Bartlet administration officials stressed that while they’re saddened by Turkey’s decision to allow the execution to go forward -

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

The Vinick campaign headquarters seems different from Russell’s and Santos’ … there are more people, a full breakfast buffet, but the setup and the activity seems more polished. There are still bustling staffers, ringing phones, and overlapping voices, but the chaos is at a minimum. VINICK is at a table with some of his top staffers, including SHEILA BROOKS and BOB MAYER, as he reads a newspaper and has breakfast.

SHEILA
Speech on tax reform at the General Mills plant, then a meet-and-greet with the managers, talk about improving the business climate. 

VINICK
We have talking points on the tax plan?

BOB (handing something to SHEILA)
Hey …

SHEILA
Yeah – okay, 11:00, rally at the Mid-America Center followed by a fundraising lunch for John Schofield -

VINICK
Thought we said no to that?

BOB
Party’s getting behind him, they’re trying to unseat Lockman.

SHEILA
All right, we have a couple of house stops, and then on to Hamburg Inn Number 2.

STAFFER (chuckling)
That the place with the beans?

VINICK
Great pie, too.

SHEILA
Finally, tonight the Iowa Corn Growers Association.

There’s a lull as BOB and SHEILA exchange looks.

VINICK
It suddenly get quiet in here?

SHEILA (clearing throat)
Do we have that new direct mail piece?

BOB
Yeah, I took out about 17 exclamation points. Here. (handing a folder across the table) Fewer words, more pictures.

SHEILA
Can we get any mileage out of Bartlet and this Turkey thing?

VINICK
I don’t see how. He criticized the decision while reaffirming our commitment to regional autonomy.

BOB
Yeah, but if we can find an angle it might be a good way to remind caucusgoers of your foreign policy experience.

VINICK
We want to remind them of my foreign policy experience?
BOB
Might get their minds off ethanol and abortion.

VINICK
Bringing them with me to a DMZ wouldn’t take their minds off ethanol and abortion.

SHEILA (to the room)
Okay, everybody – that’s it.

Staffers begin to stand up and get ready to move out. SHEILA comes around the table to VINICK.

SHEILA
Got the, new financial report. We’re up six million. Six.

BOB
Ooh, lot of money. Now all we need are a few people willing to vote for you.

VINICK
Bob, you got crumbs all over - 

BOB brushes off his sweater.

VINICK
Oh, great, now if I want a snack, I just have to reach down into the carpet.

BOB (to SHEILA)
You tell him?

VINICK
Tell me what?

BOB
Got the new field poll, you’re at five percent.

VINICK
So I’m up a little.

BOB
Half a point. Dumped two million bucks into Iowa, and you are up a half? Ten million more, I can get you into double digits.

VINICK
No.

BOB
You’re gonna have to do it.

VINICK
I’m not having this conversation.

BOB
Sheila, tell him.

VINICK
Stop it. She’s been doing all her own talking since she turned 35.

SHEILA
Why don’t we talk about this in the car?

VINICK grabs his coat.

CUT TO: INT. - VINICK SUV – DAY

A motorcade of three vehicles are traveling down a rural highway. We hear the discussion first before we move inside the SUV.

VINICK (VO)
I never thought we should commit resources here in the first place.

SHEILA (VO)
We can’t just thumb our noses at Iowa. Let Allard clean up and take the momentum into New Hampshire - ?

BOB (VO)
This is all about rural voters. A Republican can’t win the White House without the Farm Belt.

VINICK
You want me in overalls, spending all day talking to Whistler’s mom about soybean prices?

SHEILA
You know that’s not what we’re talking about.

VINICK
Farmers in America don’t want to get paid in the mailbox. They want to get paid in the marketplace.

BOB
Catchy. Pretty sure I wrote it.

VINICK
People know where I stand. They may not like it, but they know I’ll stick with it.

BOB
This is issue one, two, and three here.

VINICK
I’m not a panderer.

BOB
It’s unavoidable. It’s the non-panderer’s pander. General Patton would’ve pandered on ethanol.

VINICK (to SHEILA)
Et tu, Brute?

CUT TO: INT. - BARBERSHOP – DAY

VINICK is speaking to a group of rural Iowans inside a rural barbershop.

VINICK
Bartlet’s economic policies simply aren’t working. In small towns and rural communities, across America, our lifestyle and values are under siege. The trade deficit’s at record levels. Corn is down three cents a bushel, soybeans are down twelve cents -

FARMER
Isn’t the deficit due to NAFTA as much as anything else?

VINICK
Trade creates jobs, period. One-third of Iowa’s agricultural product goes overseas. We need more programs like the Freedom to Farm legislation that I helped sponsor.

FARMER
Around here, we call that ‘Freedom to Foreclose.’

VINICK
Well, that’s, that’s clever, but it’s not very accurate. I mean, do you think that farmers should decide what they get to plant? Or should that be left up to some bureaucrat back in Washington? You know, too often you’re forced to farm the subsidy instead of the market.

CUT TO: EXT. - HAMBURG INN PARKING LOT – DAY

The Vinick motorcade is pulling into the rainy parking lot. We hear the discussion from inside the SUV.

SHEILA (VO)
We could use the new study the Ethanol Institute put out.

VINICK (VO)
Yeah, I wonder who footed the bill for that research?

BOB (VO)
It says if we put ten percent ethanol in every gas tank in America, we can reduce worldwide oil demand by two percent.

VINICK (VO)
First, we can’t produce that much ethanol.

We see VINICK, SHEILA, BOB and others getting out of their vehicles in the rain. Many have umbrellas ready.

VINICK
Second, using it as an additive allows the oil companies to pump up octane levels and sell more premium gas to SUVs.

SHEILA
Senator, we’re just trying to -

VINICK
Two years ago, I called it highway robbery. Now I’m supposed to hand out ski masks, guns, and brown paper bags?

BOB
Forget the subsidy argument, you’ve said a hundred times reducing dependence on foreign oil is a national security issue -

VINICK
Yeah …

BOB
- we fold ethanol into that.

VINICK
Yeah, the only problem is it’s not true. Making a gallon of ethanol takes almost a gallon of oil. That’s like saying using tonic water as an additive reduces our demand for gin.

BOB
Look -

VINICK
Listen, I need to catch Valerie after school. I want to wish her a happy birthday.

BOB (pulling out some papers)
Will you at least look at the ethanol report?

VINICK
It’s a classic study of a stupid policy rammed down our throats by special interests. Makes about as much sense as building patio furniture out of corn. (opening the door to the restaurant) But sure, I’ll take a look.

CUT TO: INT. - HAMBURG INN – DAY

BOB is looking at the candidates’ jars of coffee beans. We see jars for JOHNSON, WALKEN, and VINICK. WALKEN’s jar appears to have the most, with only a modest number in VINICK’s jar. We hear VINICK speaking in the background.

VINICK (VO)
We need fewer regulations on small businesses – you know, small businesses like family farms. And we have to do something about these frivolous lawsuits that jack up costs for small businesses - 

We see VINICK before a crowd of Iowans in the restaurant.

VINICK
- you know, make it hard for them to afford to have insurance, capital investment-

MAN
Now, now I’m for free trade … but shouldn’t it be fair trade? Can we really compete with people earning a dollar a day?

VINICK
Do we really want workers in Malaysia to be earning our minimum wage? I mean, do you have any idea what real estate costs in Kuala Lumpur?

SHEILA gets a call on her phone. She answers it, whispering “What?” as she turns and sees a TV with a Breaking News alert.

Chemical Spill In Louisiana
Thousands Evacuated In Baton Rouge
as Chemical Cloud Spreads

We see footage of a fire and black clouds of smoke, as well as explosion damage, and VINICK continues to speak.

VINICK (VO)
Trade lowers prices for Americans, I mean, how, how else do you think that they keep things so cheap over at Walmart?

CUT TO: EXT. - HAMBURG INN PARKING LOT – DAY

VINICK and the others exit the restaurant back into the rain, with umbrellas.

VINICK (to SHEILA)
It’s not just ethanol, you know? These … these subsidies are what give us the corn glut. That’s why we make 20 million tons of corn sweetener a year. (beat) Average American eats or drinks 93 pounds of it, and we wonder why we have an obesity problem with kids. (beat) What would I have to say?

SHEILA
You weren’t wrong as Senator. Ethanol wasn’t in the best interests of California, but as President, you have to do what’s right for the whole country. What did you expect?

VINICK
How about, ‘As Senator, I pandered to Californians, but as President, I plan to pander to every special interest group who will get me elected’?

There’s a short pause.

VINICK
Bob already have a speech drafted?

SHEILA
You want to read it?

VINICK
No, not especially. You know, if Iowa weren’t first, if it were third – you know what it would be? The South Dakota primary.

CUT TO: INT. - JEFFERSON CATTLE BARN – DAY

Once again we see the candidate’s vehicles entering the loading dock of the cattle barn arena, this time Vinick’s SUV motorcade, with a police escort. It is now snowing. VINICK gets out of his SUV and heads for the arena, BOB and SHEILA behind him, as a REPORTER shouts questions.

REPORTER
Senator Vinick, any thoughts on today’s train derailment?

BOB (to SHEILA)
Uhh, he’ll do it?

SHEILA
Yeah.

BOB
Oh.

Another STAFFER has a cell phone to his ear.

STAFFER (into phone)
Hello?

As VINICK and the rest walk down the back hallway, the STAFFER gets the phone to VINICK.

STAFFER
Senator? Your granddaughter.

VINICK (taking phone, singing into it)
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you – (laughs) Well … well, Mantovani I’m not. (beat) No. No, of course I didn’t forget! (beat) Well, it’s cold – it started snowing. (beat) Okay, you go back to your friends. I love you, too. Happy birthday, pumpkin.

VINICK hangs up and hands the phone to BOB.

VINICK
You have that ‘Profiles in Spinelessness’ speech of yours?

BOB
It’s on the prompters.

STAFFER
You ready, Senator?

VINICK (softly)
Okay.

VINICK steps up near the entrance to the stage, sighing heavily as SHEILA primps his suit jacket.

VINICK
Man, I missed so many of my own kids’ birthdays, now I’m doing it with the grandchildren.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, Senator Arnold Vinick.

There is polite applause as VINICK takes the stage and goes up to the podium.

VINICK
As many of you are aware … in the past, I haven’t been a big supporter of ethanol subsidies. 

VINICK stops. We see the next sentence on the screen of the teleprompter:

AS A CALIFORNIA SENATOR, I DIDN’T BELIEVE ETHANOL TO BE IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF

VINICK remains quiet. The crowd is also silent, except for a random cough. VINICK looks at the prompter again, and finally continues.

VINICK
I know what you want to hear. Telling people what they want to hear is the easiest thing you can do in politics. But that’s not why I’m here. That’s not why I’m running for President.

SHEILA and BOB react as they realize VINICK isn’t going to go along with them. The crowd begins to murmur in disappointment.

VINICK
Now, I know that the ethanol subsidies have been good for some of you. But mostly, it’s a windfall for huge conglomerates. I’m embarrassed by it, and I think you should be, too. Look, I know what you’re up against. I grew up in a, in a citrus farming community in California … 

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE.
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. - HOTEL BAR – NIGHT

WEDNESDAY 10:25 PM

JOSH and NED are at the bar, watchign MSNBC coverage of VINICK’s speech. The caption reads VINICK DISAPPOINTS AT ICGA EXPO.

VINICK (on TV)
I’m here to tell you the straight truth – if you elect me President, ethanol subsidies are not going to be a part of my agriculture policy.

ANCHOR (on TV)
Senator Arnold Vinick surprised many people -

JOSH
Wow.

HELEN appears behind JOSH and NED.

HELEN
Yeah, wow.

JOSH
You and the Congressman finished with dinner?

HELEN
Yeah, at least one candidate gets to go home without feeling like he’s been mugged. (strained chuckle)

JOSH
Well, he may have his wallet, but he’ll be down four points in the morning.

HELEN
Ned, would you mind excusing us for a minute?

NED
Mmm-hmm.

HELEN
Thanks.

JOSH (as NED leaves)
See ya.

HELEN
Josh, why are we even in Iowa? Shouldn’t we be focusing on, uh, Texas, California, places where we might actually get some, um, how do your political professionals call them – votes?

JOSH
We’re letting people know there’s an alternative to Hoynes and Russell. Matt Santos, making sense, talking about ideas.

HELEN
Making sense about ethanol?

JOSH
It makes sense in Iowa, yeah. Russell’s a house of cards. His support’s a mile wide and an inch deep. We can’t compete with him on endorsements or institutional support. But we don’t have to worry about Russell. Hoynes’ll find a way to take him down.

HELEN
This the famous Josh Lyman nine-point plan?

JOSH
Hoynes is smart, he has access to money, plenty of chits he can call in. Once Russell crumbles, his support’ll flow to Hoynes, unless someone has established themself as ‘Not Hoynes.’ 

HELEN
‘Not Hoynes.’

JOSH
There’s going to be lots of primary activists who are very uncomfortable with an adulterous, moderate, DLC Democrat.

HELEN (laughing)
Oh, my God – you actually stay up nights thinking this stuff up?

JOSH
It’s a living.

HELEN (sighs, thinking)
Hmm … well, I’m going to bed. Please don’t keep him up too late, he’s tired. Good night, Josh.

HELEN exits.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CAFE – NIGHT

JOSH walks into the cafe, finding RONNA and MATT in a booth. 

JOSH
Hey … still snowing outside?

RONNA
Uh, yes, supposed to clear up in a couple of hours.

JOSH
We gonna have to change the schedule tomorrow?

RONNA
Not yet.

VINICK walks into the cafe, followed by SHEILA and BOB.

VINICK
Josh, as I live and barely breathe.

JOSH (shaking hands)
Senator, how are you?

VINICK
Well, aside from the dozen Republican farmers who just tried to show me the business end of a Mr. Popcorn machine, fine. (making introductions) You know Sheila – Bob.

JOSH
Hey.

SHEILA (shaking hands)
Hey.

BOB
Hi.

JOSH (shaking hands with BOB)
You got some … shmutz … 

VINICK
No, no, that’s just Bob’s way of packing a lunch.

MATT stands up behind JOSH.

JOSH
Uh, Senator, Congressman Matt Santos.

MATT
Hey.

VINICK (shaking hands)
Yeah, we’ve met. How are you, Matt?

MATT
I’m good, Arnie. You? (to JOSH) We co-sponsored a doomed immigration reform package a couple of years ago.

VINICK
Ahhh, we, we fought the good fight, lit the good match.

MATT
Still went down in flames.

VINICK
We’re supposed to be driving back to Des Moines now, but, we … well, you know, with the storm and everything, we thought we’d get something to eat and see if it clears up.

MATT (to JOSH)
Well, maybe we can see if the kitchen’s still open.

JOSH
Yeah. I’ll check it out. (walks away)

SHEILA
I’ll get us a table.

VINICK
Yeah, sure, I, I’ll be right there.

SHEILA and BOB walk away.

VINICK
I read about that education plan you introduced in New Hampshire, that’s pretty gutsy stuff – taking on the teachers’ unions?

MATT
Well, I don’t think that I’ll be elected president of my PTA right now, but, uh … saw the ethanol speech.

VINICK
Yeah, well, that wasn’t gutsy so much as suicidal – or so my staff tells me. Mind if I sit?

MATT
No, please.

RONNA makes room in the booth as VINICK sits next to her, MATT sitting across the table.

VINICK
Your guys Russell and Hoynes have come after me on that already. You lining up a shot for tomorrow?

MATT 
I think I’ll – just sit this one out.

VINICK
Two hundred and forty day school year, hmm? An end to teacher tenure; nationalizing the system -

MATT
You want to hop on? I could use the support, I’m taking a shellacking from my own side of the aisle.

VINICK
I’m with you on the tenure, but, uh … a longer, federally mandated school year, I … ? It sounds like another big Washington power grab to me -

MATT
Oh, here we go … 

VINICK
Well, no, wait, why would we want to wrest control from the local school boards and the parents who know more about their kids than we do?

MATT
‘Cause right now, our local school boards and parents aren’t making sure that our kids can compete in a tougher world marketplace.

VINICK (smiling)
Wouldn’t be a Democratic plan if it didn’t involve more taxes.

MATT
Maybe we should take apart every public school, brick by brick, auction them off … some things cost money, Arnie.

VINICK
Who’s going to administer all this? The Department of Education? Because they did such a great job improving education in the last four decades?

MATT (smiling)
All right, are you through embarrassing me in front of my staff, here?

VINICK (jovially)
Not even close.

MATT
When are you headed back to New Hampshire?

VINICK
Tomorrow. What with my ethanol tantrum, I, uh … I suspect my work here is done. (chuckling) I think I’ve managed to successfully drag my, my, my poll numbers below a pro hockey score, you know.

MATT
Well, at least you’ve still got a full set of teeth.

VINICK
Yeah, my staff is very proud.

MATT
Well, if they weren’t … I was.

VINICK
You’re not an ethanol fan?

MATT
Not until today.

JOSH appears at the table where SHEILA and BOB are waiting. SHEILA has a phone to her ear, BOB is writing feverishly.

JOSH
Kitchen’s closed, but they said they’d whip up a few eggs, some sandwiches.

SHEILA
Thank you.

JOSH and SHEILA look over at MATT and VINICK.

JOSH
What do you think they’re plotting over there?

SHEILA
Well, if your day’s been anything like ours, I’d keep away the sharp cutlery.

JOSH
That was a bold move on the ethanol thing.

SHEILA
That was all him.

JOSH
You’ll end up a loser here, but you’ll mop up with the national press, they’ll be talking about how courageous your guy is.

BOB
From your lips to God’s ears.

SHEILA
What’d your guy do on ethanol?

JOSH
He took the pledge.

SHEILA and BOB exchange looks.

JOSH
Republican field’s wide open, we’re just – trying to find a way to stay in the game.

JOSH continues to watch MATT and VINICK talking across the room. On the soundtrack we hear an acoustic song begin, ‘Desire’ by Ryan Adams. A montage begins as the song plays … DONNA gets into the elevator, saying good night to WILL; WILL goes to an ice cream machine in the hallway and buys an ice cream sandwich; MATT goes into his hotel bedroom, seeing both children in bed with HELEN – HELEN opens an eye, they exchange smiles; VINICK is preparing for bed, he sees TOBY giving a briefing on TV.

TOBY (on TV)
- our current force is more than adequate to meet the needs of the agreed-upon security arrangements and all parties remain -

VINICK shuts off the TV. Sitting on the bed, he looks at the photograph we saw him looking at in the morning. Now we see it’s a photo of VINICK and his late wife. He takes off his glasses.

DONNA is getting ready for bed, filling the coffee pot to be ready for the morning. She goes to the door and picks up an envelope; JOSH is coming down the hallway and sees her. She closes the door, but looks through the peephole as JOSH goes to his door directly across the hall. JOSH stops at his door, as if he’s considering going to DONNA’s. She watches him through the peephole, then turns away. JOSH opens his door and goes into his room. The camera pulls away down the hallway, showing envelopes on the floor outside most of the hotel rooms. The song continues.

The song stops abruptly as a telephone rings, with JOSH in his bed, head under his pillow. He answers it.

JOSH (groggily, into phone)
Mmm … hello.

RECORDED VOICE (on phone)
Good morning. This is your … five … forty-five … AM wakeup call.

JOSH
Thank you. 

He hangs up the phone. He sighs and groans as the screen fades to black.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.

The West Wing Transcript
Episode 6x13 – King Corn
Original Airdate: January 26, 2005