THE WEST WING TRANSCRIPT: Drought Conditions (S6E16)

THE WEST WING
6x16 - “DROUGHT CONDITIONS”
WRITTEN BY DEBORA CAHN
DIRECTED BY ALEX GRAVES

Transcribed by Walking, Talking, And Yelling At Clouds
(kegofglory.blogspot.com)

TEASER

DROUGHT CONDITIONS

FADE IN: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

The scene begins with a close up of a drink and two hands, unintelligible bar chatter in the background. A hand pick up a newspaper, then puts it down as the other hand reaches inside a suit jacket and pulls out a pair of eyeglasses. We now see it’s TOBY, regarding the glasses. He has a small cut on his right cheek.

TOBY (to himself)
Eleven three.

BARTENDER (VO, to a woman we hear walking up)
What can I get you?

WOMAN (VO)
Uh, glass of red, whatever’s open.

TOBY’s head remains unmoving, but his eyes glide back and forth at the woman and her glass being filled.

WOMAN (VO)
Thanks. (pause) We have to stop meeting like this, people will talk.

TOBY (with a slight smile)
I’d offer to make an honest woman of you but you’d tire of me, and then I’d be left with nothing but my knitting.

WOMAN (VO)
You knit?

TOBY
I don’t. So I’d be left with nothing at all.

Now we see the WOMAN sitting at the bar, as she chuckles at TOBY’s remark. She turns to look at him.

WOMAN
What happened to your face?

TOBY remains silent, his eyes darting about.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL ROOM – DAY

JOSH comes in the door, finding a hubbub of chatter and activity. MATT is singing ‘Alison’ by Elvis Costello.

MATT (singing)
Alll-i-son …

NED (carrying a newspaper to MATT)
Boston Globe.

MATT (singing)
I knooow this world is kill-ing you …

NED
Fourth paragraph.

MATT (reading)
‘Vice President Robert Russell clings to his lead -’

NED
Oh, sorry, third paragraph.

MATT (reading)
‘Congressman Matthew Santos emerged from the pack with a healthy 19 percent of the New Hampshire primary votes.’ (as he taps JOSH on the back and throws a duffle bag over his shoulder) ‘Even more impressive than his unexpected vault into third place was his considered candor that he brought to the stage in last week’s debate.’

RONNA
The Post called it ‘shrewd certitude.’ They love you.

JOSH
Today.

RONNA
Ignore him.

MATT
Josh, we got 11 major newspapers here tooting our horn, you gotta open up your arms, feel the love.

JOSH
I feel it, sir, I feel very warm.

NED
He’s pissed ‘cause Dave Pemberton at Slate wrote about Rafferty.

JOSH
As did Chris Latham, Latham and Pemberton are opinion-makers.

MATT (showing JOSH a printout)
Allison Wexler at Newsweek, here, she’s an opinion-maker, she’s pretty enthusiastic about the Santos for President idea.

JOSH
She’s good, but she’s -

MATT (singing again)
Alisonnnn …

JOSH (as everyone heads to the hotel corridor)
Latham and Pemberton both wrote about Senator Rafferty’s speech. They write about it now, everyone who can spell is writing about it next week. Rafferty got into the race five minutes ago -

MATT (singing)
… is kill-ing you … Alison …

JOSH
New Hampshire was a coup for us, you’re the Cinderella story, everybody should be writing about you.

MATT (singing)
My aim is true …

JOSH
There’s only room for one scrappy insurgency, we’re it.

MATT (in JOSH’s face, singing)
My aim is true.

JOSH
You’re not gonna kiss me, are you?

NED (as he and MATT get in the elevator)
See you at the airport.

JOSH
Ronna, find me a copy of the damn Rafferty speech.

MATT (as the elevator door closes, singing)
… my aim is true …

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER.
***

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. - COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN – DAY

TOBY walks into the bullpen, papers under his arm and another in his hand. ANNABETH sees him coming in.

ANNABETH
Hey, there. I didn’t know you were back today.

TOBY
Yeah, I’m back.

ANNABETH
How’re you doing?

TOBY
Did Brower send us something on Head Start?

ANNABETH
Uh, no.

TOBY
I mean Doug Wallace, not Brower. I spoke to him about it.

ANNABETH
You want me to call somebody?

TOBY (walking toward his office)
Huh? (stopping) Uh, no, I’ll do it.

ANNABETH
You know, I’m joining you today in the -

TOBY shuts the door in her face.

ANNABETH
- Oval.

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

CJ is paging through files on her desk, as she sets down her coffee mug.

CJ
Margaret? I need a copy of the Western Water Program. And I ha-, I had a blue binder marked EPA -

CJ picks up her mug, turns, and collides with MARGARET coming to her desk. The coffee spills all over CJ’s front. CJ screeches.

MARGARET
Oh God!

CJ
Oh, God!

MARGARET (trying to clean up CJ)
Oh!

MARGARET dashes to the closet and starts going through blouses. She pulls one out and shows it to CJ.

MARGARET
How about this one?

CJ
Penne with red sauce. 

MARGARET hangs that one up and pulls out another.

MARGARET
This?

CJ
Vodka with cranberry.

MARGARET returns that blouse to the closet.

MARGARET
You’re supposed to tell me when you’re out so I can go to the dry cleaners.

MARGARET goes back to CJ and works on the coffee stain some more, blowing on it trying to dry it out.

CJ
You’re my assistant, not my wife.

MARGARET
It’ll be much less noticeable when it’s dry.

MARGARET stops blowing, stands up, examines the stain – then pushes CJ’s arms, carrying a binder, over her chest.

MARGARET
Hug the binder.

CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY

BARTLET is in the Oval Office with senior staff, including TOBY, LEO, ANNABETH, and a few others. CJ is holding the binder across her chest.

CJ
Interior’s released the draft of the Western Water Program with your revisions. We’re going wide early, hopefully we get an alliance behind it before it hits Congress.

BARTLET
They up the numbers at all?

CJ
Forty million’s the best we can do. (to LEO) I may need a hand on this. If anybody, uh, has any comments on the Energy Trust Fund summary, today’s the day.

CJ lets the binder drop into her lap.

TOBY
I thought it already went to the floor.

ANNABETH notices the stain and tries to silently get CJ’s attention.

CJ
Almost. Josh was handling it. We lost some momentum when he stepped out.

BARTLET
Chronic problem, that.

TOBY
Did Josh - drop it or did he give it to somebody, or … ?

ANNABETH shoots a rubber band at CJ.

CJ
Ooh! God!

ANNABETH lifts her own binder to her chest. CJ notices and quickly does the same.

BARTLET (not noticing the rubberband)
Hmmmm?

CJ
Nothing. Hi … (to ANNABETH) Hi.

ANNABETH
Is this a good time?

CJ
Yes. Annabeth’s here to discuss the DNC gala tonight.

BARTLET
And we’re delighted to have you.

ANNABETH
Thank you. Every Democratic contender will be in town for this event – including all their staffers. They’re all gonna want a piece of you.

BARTLET
So if I see one coming, I what, duck under a table?

ANNABETH
Over the top, but, we’re in the right area.

BARTLET
I’m not avoiding my former Deputy Chief of Staff.

ANNABETH
He’s gonna ask you for a favor, you’re gonna have to say no, and then you’re gonna feel bad.

BARTLET
No favor, just small talk. (gesturing to the cane leaning on his desk) Could you give me that, CJ?

CJ (standing, still holding the binder to her chest)
Every sitting President goes through this. It’s a time-honored annoyance, sir, let’s just navigate through it as gracefully as possible.

BARTLET (taking the cane from CJ)
Thank you all. (standing) Toby?

TOBY (as most of the attendees begin to leave)
Yes, sir?

LEO (quietly, handing the rubberband to ANNABETH)
I believe this is yours.

BARTLET (to TOBY)
You doing okay?

TOBY
Yes, sir, thank you. My sister-in-law, uh, was very moved by the letter. She wanted me to tell you how much she appreciated it.

BARTLET
You should take as much time as you need.

TOBY
I prefer to be back at work, thank you, sir.

TOBY exits.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

We return to TOBY and the WOMAN having a discussion.

WOMAN
You’re not going to tell me what happened?

TOBY
I cut myself shaving.

WOMAN
With a machete?

TOBY
Very few people guess that, but it is, in fact, the case.

The WOMAN gets up and moves to the seat next to TOBY.

WOMAN
You should get a Band-Aid – some ointment.

TOBY
I’ll look into that.

WOMAN
Never call a woman and say ‘we have to talk.’ It’s not nice.

TOBY
Duly noted.

WOMAN
You don’t smoke, do you?

TOBY
Me? No. The occasional cigar, not cigarettes.

WOMAN
Yeah, me, neither.

TOBY (after a moment; to the BARTENDER)
You sell cigarettes here?

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

CJ enters her office, followed by LEO, still holding the binder to her chest. MARGARET is hovering about with something for CJ to sign.

CJ
This lack of Josh is becoming a problem.

LEO
You think about a replacement?

CJ
I’ve been working under the assumption we’d get him back, I never thought Santos would hang on this long.

LEO
Nineteen percent in New Hampshire – maybe he’s a contender?

CJ (sighing)
The Water Program.

LEO
Yes.

CJ
We’re trying to sort out a three-way war between cities, farmers, and environmentalists, all trying to get their hands on every last drop of the Colorado River.

LEO
There’s less to go around than everybody thought.

CJ
I’ve got lobbyists from each of the three groups coming in today.

LEO
What time?

CJ
10 o’clock’s the first, Urban Development lobby.

LEO
Who’s their guy?

CJ
Cliff Calley.

LEO (leaving)
No wonder you want flank support.

CJ (as ANNABETH comes around the corner)
Annabeth, try not to worry too much about the DNC thing tonight. Russell’s going to win the nomination, the President’s going to endorse him, a photo at the gala’s not going to tip the balance.

ANNABETH
The President’s not quietly plugging for someone else?

CJ
He really isn’t.

ANNABETH
Greg Brock thinks he is. He came in this morning and he didn’t sound like a man with a hunch.

CJ
Give him a call, tell him the principal wants to see him.

ANNABETH exits as KATE comes in.

KATE
Uh, diplomatic mission to Mali?

CJ
Bali?

KATE
Mali, with an M.

CJ
Not Bali with a Hai?

KATE
No.

CJ
Oh, I thought maybe you had a cold. (yelling) Margaret, cancel my lunch.

KATE (noticing the stained blouse)
What happened to your boob?

CJ
Really?

KATE
Chairman of Foreign Ops is holding a planning session for the diplomatic mission to Mali. I’ll be there, but it’d be great to have somebody from your end.

CHARLIE steps in, surprised to see KATE there.

CHARLIE
Oh, sorry -

CJ
No! Come in, help her organize Mali.

KATE 
Up on the Hill this afternoon.

CHARLIE (to CJ)
Did Toby give you his changes on the remarks to the FOP?

CJ
No, he didn’t, you don’t have ‘em yet?

CHARLIE
No.

CJ
Ask him again, make sure he knows it’s this week.

CHARLIE and KATE exit.

CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY

KATE and CHARLIE are walking in the hall.

KATE
State and Foreign Ops has been working with USAID on what they’re calling high impact health services for Mali. This trip’s sort of a kickoff.

CHARLIE
They’re focusing on HIV?

KATE
That and child immunization. Look through that stuff, let me know if you have any questions.

CHARLIE (as they reach CHARLIE’s office)
You have any interest in being fixed up?

KATE
Not the kind of question I was referring to.

CHARLIE
There’s a guy at the gym. He asked me if you were seeing anyone. Guess you’re famous.

KATE heads out of the office. As CHARLIE grabs a folder and goes back to his desk, KATE is back in the doorway.

KATE
What guy?

CHARLIE
I don’t know his name.

KATE
Seriously?

CHARLIE
We have mutual friends. I played a pick-up game with him about two years ago, we were introduced at the time – but now I see him around the machines at the gym and it’s all, ‘hey, man, how you doing?’ And it’s two years later, I can’t ask him his name, it’s rude.

KATE
And he asked you to fix me up with him?

CHARLIE
He asked if you were seeing anyone. We were a couple of guys talking at the gym. We keep the sentences short.

KATE
This is … no. And you should talk about something else at the gym.

KATE leaves.

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

MARGARET is scrubbing away at CJ’s blouse.

MARGARET
I got most of it … club soda and salt …

CJ
That’s great.

MARGARET
It’s wet, though.

CJ
Yes. 

MARGARET
You want to go with the binder again?

CJ
It didn’t work so well the first time.

MARGARET takes off her jacket, with fringe on the sleeves and a sparkly rose pin on the lapel. She offers it to CJ.

MARGARET
Here.

CJ
Are you sure?

MARGARET (helping her into it)
Of course.

CJ
Can I lose the pin?

MARGARET
It was my aunt’s - she’s no longer with us.

CJ (starting to take the pin off)
Well, you should wear it.

MARGARET (stopping her)
It’s covering a hole.

LEO breezes in the door.

LEO
You ready?

CJ
Are you sure we shouldn’t have pulled Toby in for this?

LEO
For Cliff Calley you want a whole phalanx?

CJ
He de-pantsed us on the Clean Air bill singlehandedly.

LEO
He’s a lobbyist now, he’s out to build bridges.

CJ
Well, he’s slippery.

MARGARET
Greg Brock’s here.

CJ (to LEO)
I’ll meet you in the Mural.

LEO (nodding towards MARGARET)
She send you to her tailor?

LEO heads out as GREG BROCK enters.

BROCK
Morning.

CJ
Hi, pookie. I hear you think the President picked a horse.

BROCK
I think he’s done more than that, I think he’s channeling support, but what do I know?

CJ
Well, I know a tremendous amount for a woman of my years, and I can tell you the President supports all the Democratic candidates and plans to remain neutral until after the primary process.

BROCK
What if he did – hypothetically?

CJ
Back a candidate now?

BROCK
Hypothetically.

CJ
Congress would go through the roof. Anything the President tried to do in the next five months they’d decimate, because support of it would appear to be support of a candidate that half the Democrats and all the Republicans despise. And it would bring his entire agenda for the last year to a screeching halt.

BROCK
So if that, hypothetically, was what was happening, he probably wouldn’t tell anybody. He probably wouldn’t even tell you.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

Back to TOBY and the WOMAN.

WOMAN
Wish I’d have been there.

TOBY
Would have been awkward.

WOMAN
Would have stood in the back, kept my head down. There must have been a large NASA contingent.

TOBY
His wife didn’t want that. (pause) If you didn’t do what you do … what would you do?

WOMAN
Um, medicine, probably. (beat) No, that’s a lie. I’d grow apples. I’d run an apple orchard and cider mill … and I’d be fat as all get-out.

TOBY
Sometimes I think what if I was at UNICEF or United Way, pulling together the AIDS fight, or - back in New York turning the public school system around, would that be a more effective use of my 24 hours? But not this. Not pushing on the ocean.

WOMAN (smiling ruefully)
Hmm. So, who threw the first punch?

TOBY regards her in silence.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE.
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. - WHITE HOUSE FOYER – DAY

CJ walks up to greet CLIFF CALLEY, shaking hands as CALLEY stands with LEO.

CJ
Cliff, good to see you.

CALLEY
CJ Cregg with the snazzy promotion, I don’t know if I bow or kiss the ring. What’s the protocol?

CJ
Stand when I sit, sit when I stand, ‘yes’ my every question …

LEO (as they start off for the Mural Room)
You see this kid’s suit? Didn’t dress like that when he worked at Ways and Means.

CALLEY
You like?

LEO
I do, where’d you get something - ?

CALLEY
I’ll tell you where, I have a guy down -

CJ
Gentlemen?

CALLEY
Sorry, your suit’s nice, too.

CJ (beat)
Have you had a chance to look over the proposal?

CALLEY
Is it going to get a new name?

CJ
The Water Program?

CALLEY
A little on the nose, no?

CJ
You’ve got a better idea?

CALLEY
Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink?

CJ (as they enter the Mural Room)
Hmm, we’ll think about it. I’m guessing you have other issues, so why don’t we – (gesturing to a chair)

CALLEY
Hang on … (he takes a moment, looking around) Oh, man, I just had a deja vu. Wow. Sorry, go ahead.

LEO
We’re trying to, uh, circumnavigate as much as we can early on, so – let’s talk about what else you’re worried about -

CALLEY
That’s not – necessary.

CJ
The name’s your only problem?

CALLEY
No, no, I don’t like any of it, I don’t think it’s gonna work out, but I really don’t like the name.

CJ
Admittedly, it’s not so much a solution as a beginning, but it’s a good first step.

CALLEY
Yeah, it isn’t. It’s a, it’s a Band-Aid that’ll give the federal government permission to ignore drought conditions in 11 states for another five years, we’re not getting anywhere near it. Where’d you get the pin?

CJ
From a dead woman, can we - ?

CALLEY
The Drought Program. That’s a good name.

CJ
Conservation measures -

CALLEY
The Drought Plan. Yeah. Because you’ve created a plan that will extend the drought. Put a star next to that one -

CJ
It’s not a drought. It would be a drought if we were experiencing far less than average annual rainfall, but we’re not. We’re dealing with 58 million people wrestling over one river’s water, based on calculations taken in what we now know were 20 flood years. The party’s over. I’m asking you to work with us.

CALLEY
Hey, I hear you. I hear your frustration -

LEO
Cliff.

CALLEY
Look, Congress won’t touch it. Even if I thought more of it than I do, which is little, the New Mexico delegation can’t vote for it ‘cause it makes them look too pro-EPA. Silbey in Colorado can’t vote for it ‘cause it makes him look too anti-EPA. The California Central Valley folks can’t support it because any funding they’d get from it’ll be deducted from the 42 million they’re already getting from the EPA for pollution management. Collins might vote for it just to piss off Silbey, but – I wouldn’t stake my morning on anything Hugh Collins might do. He’s a bit of a tippler.

CJ
Why’d you come in here if you weren’t prepared to play ball?

CALLEY
My niece loves those little M&Ms with the seal of the President on ‘em. She, uh – she takes ‘em to school, gets a lot of attention. You got any of those lying around?

CUT TO: INT. - WHITE HOUSE FOYER – DAY

JOSH is at the guard desk, trying to get approval to enter the West Wing.

GUARD (turning a page in his binder)
Sorry, Mr. Lyman. This’ll just take a minute.

JOSH
No problem, Larry. No problem at all, take your time.

Another White House staffer comes in, showing his badge to the GUARD.

STAFFER
There you go. (entering) Thank you.

JOSH
Nothing going on today. Just trying to win primaries. No biggie.

GUARD (looking up from his list)
Nope.

JOSH
You’re not serious. (seeing TOBY walking by) Toby! Hey, Toby! Sign me in!

But TOBY is gone. JOSH pulls out his cell phone and dials.

MARGARET (on phone)
Yes?

JOSH (into phone)
Margaret, it’s Josh. They won’t let me in.

MARGARET (on phone)
CJ had to cancel your lunch, so I killed the pass. Didn’t get the message?

JOSH (into phone)
Yeah, I’m fine about the lunch. Just coming in to say hello, hang out for a bit. I got meetings on the Hill all afternoon.

MARGARET (on phone)
Yeah, they really frown on the hanging out.

JOSH (into phone)
You know what? Let me in.

The door opens behind JOSH and WILL and DONNA walk in.

WILL
Hi.

JOSH (to WILL and DONNA)
Hey. How’s it going?

DONNA
Good. Good flight?

JOSH
Yeah, it was great. (into phone, as WILL and DONNA are inside) Margaret, let me in the door.

CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY

KATE and CHARLIE are walking.

KATE
Here’s the contact list for everyone involved with the trip, you’ll wanna touch base.

CHARLIE
Now?

KATE
Not right now, let’s talk about the guy.

CHARLIE
I thought I was done with that.

KATE
What’s he look like?

CHARLIE
Like a white guy.

KATE
Like a pasty white guy?

CHARLIE
He’s Brad Pitt. He’s Henry Kissinger.

KATE
Stop it.

WILL (walking up)
Hi.

KATE
Hey.

WILL
I need Charlie.

KATE
We’re working.

WILL
I heard ‘Brad Pitt,’ you’re not working. (to CHARLIE) Talk to me about the announcement for the family leave expansion.

CHARLIE
The VP wants to come?

KATE
Hello -

WILL
Am I interrupting?

KATE
You were in New Hampshire, right?

WILL
I was.

KATE
That was nice.

WILL (beat; to CHARLIE)
You’ll call me about the announcement?

CHARLIE
Yeah.

WILL walks away.

KATE
The US Ambassador to Mali and the US Global AIDS Coordinator are gonna want copies of whatever we come up with this afternoon.

CHARLIE
No problem.

KATE
Just tell me, tall or short.

CHARLIE
He’s a good-looking guy, he’s smart, he’s got a job, he’s not a jerk. I don’t know his favorite color or his sign, but – he’s got all his teeth and almost all his hair, so -

KATE
Almost? How much is almost?

CHARLIE
He’s got a, high forehead.

KATE
This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea.

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE – DAY

JOSH walks in, greeting DEBBIE.

JOSH
Look at this woman.

DEBBIE
Hello, pumpkin.

JOSH
She’s a vision.

DEBBIE
I heard security didn’t want to let you in.

JOSH
Eh, new guy.

DEBBIE
I heard it was Larry.

JOSH
How you doing?

DEBBIE
Good, a little back pain.

JOSH
Sorry to hear that.

DEBBIE
I’m thinking of shiatsu.

JOSH
That’s great stuff.

DEBBIE
Yeah, that’s what they say.

JOSH
You’re not letting me in there, are you?

DEBBIE
Not a chance.

JOSH turns and walks away.

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

CJ and LEO are returning after their meeting with CALLEY.

CJ
M&Ms bearing the seal of the President – this from a grown man.

LEO
You got any?

CJ
What?

LEO
The M&Ms, I’m a little peckish.

CJ throws open a drawer on her desk, pulls out a box, and tosses it to LEO.

LEO
Thank you.

CJ
We’ve got the agriculture lobby in an hour, this better not happen with them.

LEO
It won’t, we’ll get agriculture on board, we’ll do some hand-holding on the Hill, we’ll put it together without him.

CJ (heading out to MARGARET’s desk)
Who behaves like that? It’s unprofessional -

LEO
Yet terribly effective. You ought to have a conversation with him. I’m happy picking up the loose ends, but Josh Lyman left a big hole in this place, maybe he’s coming back, maybe he isn’t.

CJ
You want me to hire Cliff Calley?

LEO
He knows the Hill, he knows what he’s talking about.

CJ (going back into her office)
You’re talking about a guy who used to work for Congressional Republicans!

LEO
I’m talking about a guy who shut down an investigation of my substance abuse history because he thought maybe we should be governing the country.

CJ pauses, ready to listen.

LEO
It’s a Republican Congress. Not the worst thing in the world to have someone with relationships on both sides of the aisle.

CJ
No. He’s the wrong choice, and he’s irritating, and he’s obnoxious.

LEO
That’s worked for us in the past.

We hear JOSH, outside at MARGARET’s desk, shouting at her.

JOSH (VO, yelling)
Here’s the part where, in deference to my years of service, you suspend for a moment the Teutonic allegiance to protocol and shift thyself out of my way!

MARGARET appears at the door.

MARGARET
Josh Lyman – to see you.

JOSH (entering)
Was this place such a killjoy when I worked here, or have the brownshirts taken over?

JOSH’s cellphone buzzes.

MARGARET
You’re vibrating.

JOSH
I feel that. Thanks.

JOSH pulls out his phone and answers it.

JOSH (into phone)
Yes. (beat) No! I am in town for one day! Tell him he reschedules this thing again, I’m gonna tear off his head and fashion his skull into a decorative fruit bowl!

LEO and CJ exchange glances as JOSH hangs up.

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE – DAY

WILL comes into the office, greeting DEBBIE.

WILL
Debbie!

DEBBIE
Will!

WILL
How goes it?

DEBBIE
Little bit of back pain, were I to tell the truth.

WILL
Sorry to hear that.

DEBBIE
Thinking about yoga.

WILL
Hear it does wonders.

DEBBIE
You can’t see him.

WILL
Five minutes. Two?

DEBBIE
Write a letter.

WILL (leaving)
You should be stuck in double lotus … with an itch.

DEBBIE
Good to see you.

CUT TO: INT. - MURAL ROOM – DAY

CHARLIE is in the Mural Room as a few other people exit, and KATE comes in.

CHARLIE
Is it time for the meeting already?

KATE
Uh, not quite, I just wanted to make sure you were clear on how the committee was funding the trip. It, it’s complicated, so if you want to talk through that -

CHARLIE
It’s really not -

KATE
Bring him on. The guy.

CHARLIE
You sure?

KATE
Yeah. I’m ready to, get off the bench. In the game. Like that.

CHARLIE (as they both walk out of the room)
I’ll put him on the list for the gala tonight. He’ll know a bunch of people there, you won’t have to entertain him.

KATE
Who’s he gonna know?

CHARLIE
Jimmy Hatch, Howard Kagan -

KATE
He works for the government?

CHARLIE
It’s DC, he’s not the only one.

KATE
I just thought maybe he was a regular person.

CHARLIE
Sorry.

KATE
You really don’t wanna roll out of bed with drool on your face and a little bit of a hangover and change your drawers in the car and show up at the office only to find last night’s strategic error in your 9:00 am strategic planning session.

CHARLIE
Tell me I’m not having this conversation.

KATE (sighs heavily)
Invite him to the party.

As KATE and CHARLIE continue down the hall, the camera moves into MARGARET’s desk area, where she is bringing a folder into CJ’s office.

JOSH (VO)
You see the Republican side?

LEO (VO)
Arnie Vinick. Clean sweep. Don’t panic – he could get malaria, race is wide open again.

MARGARET hands the folder to CJ, and we see MARGARET is quite pregnant.

JOSH (after MARGARET exits)
Am I seeing things or is she … ?

CJ (closing doors)
Very.

JOSH
Wow, I didn’t know she was pregnant.

LEO
She’s pregnant.

JOSH
I didn’t even know she was married.

CJ shoots JOSH a look as she closes another door.

JOSH
Right. How is the President doing?

CJ
Not terrible. He gets tired and pretends he isn’t. His legs hurt and he pretends they don’t. We’re still figuring it all out.

JOSH
Yeah. What’s up with Toby, I saw him in the hall … acting like a guy who owed me money.

CJ
He’s been out of it since the funeral.

JOSH
What funeral?

There is a pause as CJ realizes JOSH doesn’t know.

CJ
David.

JOSH
His brother? He died!?

LEO
Tuesday. He was sick – he went downhill pretty fast.

JOSH
Yeah, I knew he was sick, I … I talked to Toby last week. Why wh-, why wouldn’t he say anything?

A short pause.

JOSH
Oh … I feel awful, I, I, I would’ve gone.

LEO
None of us did. They didn’t want a whole, to-do.

JOSH (rising)
I’m g-, I’m gonna – go …

LEO
Yeah. Yeah.

CJ
Hey … you think we can put together a water deal without the urban development lobby on board?

JOSH (at the door)
Out West? I don’t know, you’re gonna get resistance in New Mexico and from Silbey out of Colorado. You may get the California Central Valley guys on board, but you’d have to make it a pretty sweet deal. They’re getting a nice boost from the EPA now. They’re not gonna walk away from that without a big carrot.

JOSH exits. LEO, half-smiling, looks squarely at CJ, who avoids eye contact.

CJ
Stop it.

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE – DAY

It’s DONNA’s turn to try to get past DEBBIE.

DONNA
It’s good to see you.

DEBBIE
It is.

DONNA
How are you doing?

DEBBIE
Ah, a little back pain.

DONNA
Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.

DEBBIE
Thinking about heroin.

DONNA
Really?

DEBBIE
Will’s not getting in, don’t make me repeat it.

DONNA nods, turns, and walks away.

CUT TO: INT. - TOBY’S OFFICE – DAY

JOSH walks up to TOBY’s closed door, knocks, and steps inside.

TOBY (after a beat)
How go the wars?

JOSH
I just – heard about David. Man, I am so sorry.

TOBY
Thanks.

JOSH (closing the door)
Why didn’t you call me?

TOBY
What happened with the Energy Trust Fund? It just got dropped.

JOSH
Screw the Energy Trust Fund, I, I, I wish I could have been at the -

TOBY
The Mental Health Commission? You dropped a bunch of stuff and walked away.

JOSH (beat)
It all got handed off.

TOBY (quietly, shuffling papers)
Oh, that’s – I gotta - 

JOSH
Yeah.

TOBY turns from his desk and starts studying a folder. JOSH’s phone buzzes. He pulls it out.

JOSH (into phone)
Hang on one second. (to TOBY) I got a 12 o’clock conference call and a 2 o’clock on the Hill, you want to get some food in between?

TOBY
Can’t today.

JOSH and TOBY stare at each other, until TOBY turns his attention back to the folder. JOSH opens the door slowly and steps out into the bullpen, talking into the phone again. TOBY goes to the door and closes it.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

TOBY and the WOMAN continue to talk.

TOBY
A lot of people I know are working on these campaigns. You’re all in the same boat – you’re soldiers in the same war – and then, all of a sudden, the borders shift, and every word you say, and every soda you drink has loyalty connotations.

WOMAN
Could be campaigns, could be you’re not ready to talk to anybody yet.

TOBY
I don’t have a problem talking to anybody.

WOMAN
You don’t?

TOBY
I don’t have a problem talking to you.

WOMAN
I’m special.

TOBY
Yes, you are.

WOMAN (beat)
You think we rushed into this?

TOBY (whispering)
Maybe.

WOMAN
Hmmm. (beat) You sorry that we did?

TOBY
I’m not, actually.

There is a pause.

TOBY
Doesn’t mean we didn’t rush into it.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO.
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. - WHITE HOUSE FOYER – DAY

There are quite a few people sitting on chairs, or standing in the foyer, appearing to be waiting for meetings. JOSH is pacing back and forth, talking loudly into his cell phone.

JOSH (into phone)
What do you mean, we’re not on Meet The Press? No, no no, no, c-, call ‘em back, talk to Elise Bain – tell her they’re not bumping us for Ricky Rafferty.

DONNA comes out of a doorway behind JOSH and walks up to him.

DONNA
Hang up.

JOSH (into phone)
Tell her the Congressman is available tomorrow only. Rafferty can wait.

DONNA
Hang up now.

JOSH (to DONNA)
Keep your pants on. (into phone) Call me back.

As JOSH hangs up, DONNA grabs his arm and starts moving him out of the foyer.

JOSH
I’m gonna put a hit out on Ricky Rafferty.

DONNA
I need to talk to you, not with a million people around.

DONNA leads JOSH down a hallway and then into a dark closet. As she closes the door:

JOSH
Is our relationship about to change?

A light clicks on.

DONNA
Rafferty put out the full text of the health plan, Annabeth had a copy. (handing JOSH a document) Look at page three.

JOSH (reading)
‘Obliterate the money-laundering middleman between you and your doctor.’ Why didn’t every article lead with this?

DONNA
It wasn’t in the first speech. They release the whole plan today, guarantees them another three days of coverage. Look how it’s structured -

JOSH
Well, it’s structured like Jed Bartlet structured it before we forced him to cut it out of his plan.

DONNA
Rafferty’s gotta have someone who worked on the President’s first health care initiative. That was you, Toby, Sam, Melanie, Ken … 

JOSH
You missed one.

DONNA
No. Who’d I miss?

JOSH
The President.

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

JOSH walks through the door. CJ is sitting at a chair working on files.

JOSH
You got a second? Has the President sat down with Senator Rafferty?

CJ (gesturing to her papers)
Josh …

JOSH
Lunch? Casual?

CJ
Absolutely not.

JOSH
Maybe he’s not sure Russell’s representing core Democratic values, thinks a spoiler might, nudge the debate in an interesting direction -

CJ
The President plans to endorse whoever gets his party’s nomination, we assume that will be the Vice President. I’m sorry he’s not prepared to back your candidate, but he’s most certainly not backing Ricky Rafferty.

JOSH 
I can s-, see where this Rafferty thing is heading. Four weeks of articles about - single-payer health care and it all reads like vintage Bartlet, I-

CJ
You know, the President’s not the first guy on the planet to try and phase out insurance companies; though he was a little obsessed with it. I thought you were going to burst a blood vessel trying to talk him and Toby off that one.

JOSH (to himself, realizing something)
Yeah.

CJ (standing)
I gotta go make nice with a bunch of lobbyists from the oversubsidized agribusiness conglomerates. Focus on South Carolina, Rafferty’ll flame out.

CUT TO: INT. - COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN – DAY

WILL steps into the room to talk to ANNABETH.

WILL
Hey … do you have any thoughts about Russell’s package? (correcting himself) Packaging?

ANNABETH
If this is a ‘solicit my opinion so I feel important before you ask for a favor,’ Donna’s already been here, and the VP cannot join the President at the Fraternal Order of Police on Thursday.

WILL (following ANNABETH into her office)
It’s not about the FOP, I’m grooming a man for the highest office in the land, I’m looking to perfect the image, and they say you’re good at that.

ANNABETH (beat)
They do?

WILL
Yes.

ANNABETH
These people?

WILL just looks at ANNABETH expectantly. She starts rubbing her eye, behind her eyeglasses.

WILL
Are you okay?

ANNABETH
No, I, I’m fine, I just, I have something in my contact lens.

WILL
You’re wearing glasses.

ANNABETH (taking off glasses)
Sorry.

WILL
Did I say something?

ANNABETH
No, no – it’s not you. It’s just … (sniffles) You know, you work somewhere, and your perspective and your realm of experience is different from that of everyone around you, (getting choked up) and … it’s busy. People don’t have time to pat each other on the back, and I don’t want that … but, gosh … it’s just nice to hear that … (swallows) they think I’m good. (sniffles again) Sorry!

WILL
I can come back later.

ANNABETH
No – the boots are over, the haircut was hasty, and in the debates he seems too interested in what the other candidates are saying. His S’s are slushy, his A’s are flat, he exhales too loud and inhales too often. But it’s nothing – (blows nose into a tissue) nothing that can’t be fixed. And I’m honored – really honored, that you asked.

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

MARGARET is showing CALLEY into the room.

MARGARET
Cliff Calley -

CJ 
Thank you.

CALLEY (entering)
I was summoned?

CJ
You were. Sit.

CALLEY
Heel.

CJ
Excuse me?

CALLEY
Just seeing if it worked both ways. It doesn’t.

CJ
Do you have any interest in leaving the private sector?

CALLEY
Are you offering me a job?

CJ
I’m gauging your interest.

CALLEY
In a White House job -

CJ
Don’t make me think about it too hard.

CALLEY
Okay, wow! No thanks.

CJ
What?

CALLEY
It’s a temp job. Any job in this White House, and a low-paying one at that, but - wow.

CJ
A temp job?

CALLEY
I can’t believe I didn’t bring my little tape recorder, I could’ve played this for my mom -

CJ
This is all for the best, because it was a terrible idea in the first place. Leo McGarry thought you were a bridge-builder, but you’re a hack who works for a bunch of cookie-cutter condo builders and hotel magnates, I don’t know how you sleep at night.

CALLEY
Ativan.

CJ
I met with a herd of lobbyists on this water deal today, you’re the only one who wouldn’t budge an inch.

CALLEY
Let’s talk about your agribusiness monsters who are siphoning 90 percent of the Colorado River into the irrigation of California rice and alfalfa.

CJ
This country is most secure when it is its own food source.

CALLEY
Grow food, fine, it’s a desert, they’re growing monsoon crops.

CJ
I don’t need you on this project -

CALLEY
You’re right. Because I could jump in and you still wouldn’t get a deal, because the Senate’ll love it and the House won’t touch it. I’m the only one who’ll tell you to your face.

CJ
Let me thank you for your honesty and for your service to the American people.

CALLEY
Okay, you wanna know how I sleep at night? There’s a drought in Kenya. There’s a drought in Zambia. There’s a drought in India and Pakistan and Ecuador and Paraguay, and there’s a drought in Malawi and Uganda and Australia. We’re the only nation on the planet that can afford the $10 billion investment it’ll take to perfect desalination technology, and the federal government’s never gonna make that investment unless they’re forced to, because there’s a major national water crisis, and they’re taking heat from cookie-cutter condo builders and hotel magnates.

CJ throws open her desk drawer and grabs a box of M&Ms, tossing them at CALLEY.

CJ
Get out of my office.

CALLEY (looking at the box, heading for the door)
Nice.

CUT TO: INT. - TOBY’S OFFICE – DAY

The door opens and JOSH steps in, carrying some papers.

TOBY
Immigration bill’s getting gutted in committee -

JOSH (holding out the papers)
You see Rafferty’s health care plan?

TOBY (beat)
Yeah. Who was your point person on immigration?

JOSH (reading)
‘Obliterate the money-laundering middleman between you and your doctor -’ Does it bother you, someone stealing your stuff, does that – trouble you at all?

TOBY
It doesn’t.

JOSH
It would. You’re not a good sharer. (beat) Only way it doesn’t bother you is if you handed it to him yourself.

TOBY
Shut the door.

JOSH
Ricky Rafferty? Are you out of your mind?

TOBY moves to close the door.

JOSH
I’ve just eked out a lead, my guy’s the friggin’ little engine that could, what do you think you’re doing?

TOBY
I don’t know, I thought maybe, there should be somebody in the field who talks like a Democrat. (beat) You wasted the opportunity, you and your garage-sale find.

JOSH
My what?

TOBY
Ethanol pledge?

JOSH
I’m trying to win a race here!

TOBY
Matthew Santos isn’t gonna win anything. All you’ve got is a chance to shape the debates, strengthen the party, and you blew it! You ran to the center for a stinkin’ 19 percent in New Hampshire?! You’re not supposed to be trying to win anything, you don’t have the man.

JOSH
You think I left the White House to shape the debate?

TOBY
Somebody’s got to.

JOSH
This is your contribution to the soul of the party, the world needed another going-nowhere health care plan?

TOBY
The world needed to be presented with at least one useful idea.

JOSH
Now every viable candidate has to waste airtime on why they do or don’t support socialized medicine.

TOBY
There’s a profit-generating industry leeching the life out of this country’s health care! You got something better you want to talk about?!

JOSH
You’re dragging the entire field to the left!

TOBY
Good!

JOSH
You could’ve fed me ideas! You don’t like the way I’m running this thing -

TOBY
Yeah? How.

JOSH
How?! Telephone!

TOBY
How?

JOSH
What are we talking about - ?

TOBY
You didn’t ask me. Why the hell didn’t you come to me before you picked Santos?! You have any idea how strong a force we would’ve been had we taken on a candidate together?

JOSH
I’m asking you now.

TOBY
Yeah, well, no!

JOSH
That’s it? That’s your answer?

TOBY
Yeah, that’s my answer.

JOSH
You are a selfish, petty -

TOBY
Get out.

JOSH
- waste of the oxygen in the air that useful people could be using -

TOBY (screaming)
Get out!

JOSH
You get out, you selfish son of a bitch!

JOSH throws the Rafferty health care plan papers at TOBY. The picture freezes with papers flying around TOBY’s head.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

TOBY is telling the WOMAN a story.

TOBY
My brother and I used to collect pennies. Pick ‘em up off the street and put ‘em in a … in an old whiskey bottle, we swiped from our old man. Every few months or so we’d go to the bank … to get these paper things – tubes, to make rolls of change. My brother said never walk down the street without a roll of pennies in your pocket. You belt a guy with a, roll of pennies in your fist, you do some damage.

CUT TO: INT. - TOBY’S OFFICE – DAY

TOBY hurls some papers back at JOSH.

TOBY
Get out!

TOBY slowly walks around his desk, advancing on JOSH. JOSH darts from the door, grabbing  TOBY. They engage in a struggle, arms and hands around each other’s head, items from the desk crashing onto the floor. JOSH’s hand is over TOBY’s right cheek.

TOBY
Get off!

TOBY flings JOSH away, and they break apart, breathing heavily. TOBY holds a hand to his cheek. JOSH flings the door open and walks away. MARGARET, standing in the bullpen, sees TOBY and hurries off. TOBY, still panting, his cheek bleeding, goes behind his desk and tries to gather himself – then he starts to cry.

CUT TO: INT. - CJ’S OFFICE – DAY

CJ is working at her desk. She takes a moment to think about something as MARGARET enters and stands at her desk.

CJ
Oh, good. Can you ask Charlie to get me some background on desalination technology when he gets back from the Hill?

MARGARET does not respond, still standing at CJ’s desk. CJ looks up at her.

CJ
What? 

CUT TO: INT. - TOBY’S OFFICE – EVENING

TOBY is sitting on his couch. There is a knock at the door. The door opens and CJ steps in, carrying a glass full of ice and a cloth. She closes the door, hands the glass to TOBY, and sits down next to him. She then gives him the cloth. They sit in silence for a moment, as TOBY eats a piece of the ice.

CJ (finally)
Maybe you should – take a week. Go back to New York.

TOBY
I don’t want a week.

CJ
You don’t have to want it, I’m just not sure you’re doing yourself any good here right now.

TOBY
I’ll be fine.

CJ
I’m not sure you’re doing us any good here right now. There are some things falling through the cracks.

TOBY
What?

CJ
Little stupid stuff, remarks to the Fraternal Order of Police, which I care about not at all, I’m happy to take it off your plate, you just need to tell me.

TOBY
I’ll do it.

CJ
You will?

TOBY nods, unconvincingly.

CJ
How are David’s kids doing?

TOBY
Just … just great.

CJ
If that’s where you should be, there’s nothing – nothing more important.

TOBY
I’m aware of what’s important in this landscape, thanks.

CJ
When you … lose somebody like that, that – young and healthy, and gone to some senseless cancer -

TOBY
Can we not do this, please?

CJ
Give yourself some time to sit with his kids and look at his picture.

TOBY (beat)
I don’t want to look at his picture.

CJ looks at TOBY with concern as he starts to tear up.

TOBY
He did this. He did this. You understand? He sat in a … garage. With the engine running.

CJ takes a moment as that sinks in, as TOBY chokes up.

CJ
He was sick -

TOBY
No. He was diagnosed. (wiping away a tear) Could’ve had years. But instead this. His wife finds him, what if one of his kids had … (choking out the words through tears) He just dropped everything and walked away. It’s Jewish tradition that you don’t leave the body alone before the funeral. You s-, someone … stays and guards it. And I sat in that room for hours, watching him. Trying to figure out what was … what could’ve … gone through his brain. (TOBY fights off the tears again) I’m not interested in looking at his picture.

CJ sits there, a tear rolling down her cheek as TOBY cries.

CJ
You want some water?

TOBY (whispering)
No.

CJ
Scotch?

TOBY (laughing, sniffling)
No.

CJ
You want me to go?

TOBY (fighting back more tears, struggling; finally, in a whisper)
No.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

TOBY sits, staring blankly ahead, lost in thought.

WOMAN
You stopped.

TOBY
Huh?

WOMAN
You were about to answer my question. How’d he die?

TOBY (taking his time; finally)
Cancer.

TOBY reaches for his drink as the WOMAN watches him.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE.
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. - CAPITOL HALLWAY – EVENING

KATE and CHARLIE are walking after their meeting with Congressional reps.

KATE
You should check in with USAID tomorrow, they’re not so good with the details.

CHARLIE
Yeah.

KATE (pause)
Could we call your friends at DOD, find out the guy’s name?

CHARLIE
I’ll figure it out before you meet him, don’t worry.

KATE
I just want to get some info, know what I’m getting myself into.

CHARLIE
You do an NSC background check before every date? No wonder it’s been slow.

KATE
I’m not gonna do a background check, I just wanna, poke around a little at DOD.

CHARLIE
He doesn’t work at DOD.

KATE
You said he worked with Kagan and Hatch.

CHARLIE
He plays ball with them, he works at State.

KATE
What desk?

CHARLIE
Somewhere in South America, maybe Paraguay -

KATE
Uruguay?

CHARLIE
Yes.

KATE
Red hair?

CHARLIE
Yeah.

KATE
Dick Van Dyke nose?

CHARLIE
You know him?

KATE 
Used to be married to him.

KATE walks off disappointed. CHARLIE looks after her, realizing:

CHARLIE
‘Is Kate Harper seeing anyone?’ I misunderstood the initial inquiry, didn’t I?

CUT TO: INT. - TOBY’S OFFICE – NIGHT

TOBY is alone. He takes out a pair of eyeglasses and looks at them. There’s a knock at the door and LEO enters.

LEO
Since when do you wear specs?

TOBY
I don’t.

LEO
Somebody leave ‘em?

TOBY
Yeah.

LEO
They’re not mine, are they?

TOBY
I don’t think so -

LEO
I lost a pair -

TOBY
They’re not yours, Leo.

LEO
Well, they look like mine -

TOBY
They’re my brother’s.

LEO sits back in his chair.

LEO
Can you see through them?

TOBY
I don’t know.

LEO
You going to this DNC thing?

TOBY
Yeah.

LEO
I understand you have a favorite.

TOBY
You here to fight Josh Lyman’s battles?

LEO
Can’t be doing this from the White House.

TOBY
Leo …

LEO
You can’t do this to the President.

TOBY
You think the President doesn’t want – genuine Democratic values in a national Presidential contest? He’d do this himself if he could. I’m doing this for the President. He could help Russell right now, if he wanted. Joint appearances, a bill signing, with the VP standing right by his side.

LEO
Ricky Rafferty’s the alternative.

TOBY
We do what we can do.

LEO
That’s not your job anymore, you are no longer the guy who picks losing candidates and ushers them to their principled end, you’re the guy who takes good men and makes them great. You and Josh, you still think you’re terriers, barking at the heels of the party, you are the party.

LEO takes a beat as TOBY looks at him.

LEO
Rafferty’s a spoiler, shouldn’t be in the race.

TOBY
I’m not sitting this one out, Leo.

LEO
Don’t. But don’t pretend you’re still an outsider with a ponytail and a dream. You work in the White House. (LEO sighs, then leans close to TOBY; softly) Your brother didn’t have any more fight in him. (beat) You still do.

CUT TO: INT. - CAPITOL GRAND HOTEL – NIGHT

We first hear the strains of a jazz group playing ‘Take Five,’ made famous by Dave Brubeck. We then see JOSH, MATT, RONNA, and a few other people walking through the hotel lobby heading for the ballroom, where the DNC gala is occurring.

JOSH (handing a paper to MATT)
You’re gonna be right here between Clarkson and Rafferty, the President’s gonna come up, everybody holds hands, picture picture picture, and – we’re gone.

MATT (looking at the paper)
The President’s between Russell and Hoynes.

JOSH (sighs)
Everybody’s in the shot.

MATT
I’m second to the left. You don’t have a problem with the symbolism?

JOSH
That’s the best we could do.

MATT
Second only to Rafferty, who’s all the way to the left.

JOSH
Sir, you’re a Democrat, left is not a crime, liberal is not a dirty word. We scored New Hampshire because people responded to your policies. The temptation to grab at center’s only gonna grow. Let’s just – take a minute and remember where you came from.

MATT (joking)
I can’t remember.

JOSH (muttering)
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that -

MATT
I was born a poor black child … close, but no, that’s not right -

JOSH
If you shake hands with the President, hang on as long as possible, give the cameras a chance to catch it.

MATT (to RONNA)
I was born in the bayou?

RONNA
That’s not it, either.

MATT (shaking hands with an attendee)
Matt Santos, good to meet you.

The camera takes us inside the ballroom, to CJ talking with BARTLET.

CJ
Half and hour of grip and grin, and you’re done.

BARTLET
Grin, really, I’m not supposed to grip.

CJ
We told them you’re leaving before the speeches.

BARTLET
In deference to my health? There’s an excuse we could have started using years ago.

ANNABETH walks up to BARTLET.

ANNABETH
We found a few people on the guest list who aren’t connected to any of the campaigns. You should focus your attention on them.

CJ
You made a list?

ANNABETH
I’ll point them out. There are six.

BARTLET
I hope you’re on that list.

As ANNABETH leads BARTLET away, CJ notices TOBY standing by himself, silently regarding MATT and JOSH gladhanding across the room. CJ goes up to TOBY.

CJ (opening a bottle of wine)
Can this be one of those nights where we get sloshed and forget we work together?

TOBY
Ah, that would be lovely.

CJ (pouring a drink)
Josh is here. If you’re gonna go at it again, will you let me know in time to put some money on it?

TOBY
I’m gonna go downstairs to the bar for a little while. Yell if you need me.

As TOBY walks away, CALLEY appears behind CJ.

CALLEY
CJ -

CJ
Cliff.

CALLEY
I was summoned again. That’s gotta stop.

CJ
One gets drunk with the power – I’m hiring you to work in the White House. I looked into what you said about desalination, I think you’ve got a point. I’m still concerned you may be soulless, but we can work on that.

CALLEY
Yeah, I turned you down -

CJ (leading CALLEY away by the arm)
Nobody turns us down. We’re like the Mob, but less violent. Ultimately, responsible for more death and destruction, but still -

CALLEY
You don’t think I’m an odd choice for this White House?

CJ
I think we’ve got a few months left and a lot of governing to do and I think you’re a guy who misses serving his country.

CALLEY
CJ, I -

CJ
Take a second and breathe, in a moment you’re gonna wish you had.

CJ has walked CALLEY across the room to BARTLET.

CJ
Pardon me, sir, this is Cliff Calley. We had a great chat this morning about your Water Program, he’s a big fan.

BARTLET (shaking hands)
Good to meet you, Mr. Calley.

CALLEY
Ah, it’s an honor, sir, but I’m afraid Ms. Cregg may have slightly misrepresented my position.

BARTLET
CJ, he’s not a fan? I thought the deal was you were to surround me with sycophants.

CJ (in BARTLET’s ear)
This is one of the six people you’re allowed to speak to. Take your time.

CJ walks away. We then see KATE entering the ballroom, looking about nervously. CHARLIE sees her and walks up to her.

CHARLIE
Looky, looky – I thought you weren’t coming.

KATE
Yeah, me too. It’s time to get back in the pool.

CHARLIE
Good for you. Sorry I couldn’t help.

KATE
Once upon a time, I did this all by myself.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

TOBY is sitting at the bar. The WOMAN walks up behind him to take a seat a few chairs down. We are back to what we saw at the beginning of the episode.

WOMAN (to BARTENDER)
Hi.

BARTENDER
Evening. What can I get you?

WOMAN
A glass of red, please, whatever’s open.

CUT TO: INT. - BALLROOM – NIGHT

KATE is standing near the refreshments table, a glass of wine in her hand, looking around nervously. WILL walks up.

WILL (regarding the table)
Pathetic.

KATE
Avoid the Swiss.

WILL
As a general rule? I didn’t know they made you come to these things.

KATE
I take an interest.

WILL
Really?

KATE
I needed a change of scenery.

WILL
Okay.

KATE
I have no reason for being here, let’s keep it between ourselves.

WILL
No problem. I’m on my 82nd of what’s bound to be 350 identical conversations. I think I’m losing my voice.

KATE
That’s awful.

WILL
Do you mind if I stand here and pretend we’re talking but, we actually don’t?

KATE
Sure.

KATE takes a sip from her glass. WILL grabs some grapes from the table, eats one, then holds up the bunch to share with KATE. She takes one and eats it. As she looks around, WILL regards her for a moment. As he looks away, KATE looks at him thoughtfully. She looks away and WILL looks back at her, eating another grape. He turns away and KATE looks again, longer this time, something running through her head. As WILL turns to her he catches her looking his way, and they both smile and nod, embarrassed. KATE downs her glass of wine.

CUT TO: INT. - BAR – NIGHT

The eyeglasses rest on the bar as the WOMAN and TOBY continue to talk.

WOMAN
You sound like a guy formulating an exit strategy.

TOBY
I don’t know, could be.

WOMAN
Can’t say I’m entirely surprised.

Another WOMAN 2 is heard off-camera, speaking to the WOMAN – and now we realize the WOMAN is actually SENATOR RICKY RAFFERTY.

WOMAN 2 (VO)
Senator Rafferty? They’re ready for you upstairs.

RAFFERTY
I’ll be right there. Thank you.

TOBY (beat)
I think you’ve said some things this country needs to hear. You’ve established yourself as a national presence. You step out before Super Tuesday, before anybody’s shot at a nomination is foiled by what would be considered a spoiler … maybe there’s a Vice Presidency in this for you.

RAFFERTY
I’m not pulling out before South Carolina. I did this to make a point.

TOBY
Absolutely.

RAFFERTY
And I want to make sure that everybody’s heard it. I certainly never -

TOBY
I’ve got to step out now.

There is a pause.

RAFFERTY
Yeah. (beat; standing) I should go.

TOBY
I’m gonna finish my drink, you’ve got my number if you need it.

RAFFERY
Yeah, I do. (referring to the eyeglasses) Put them on, let me see.

TOBY puts the glasses on, then looks at RAFFERTY.

RAFFERTY
Looks good. Makes you look smart.

TOBY (taking the glasses off)
I thought I looked smart before.

Another pause.

RAFFERTY
So did I.

RAFFERTY walks away. TOBY watches her go, a small smile on his face. He looks through the eyeglasses from a distance, then puts them on again. He picks up the newspaper to look at it.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.

The West Wing Transcript
Episode 6x16 – Drought Conditions
Original Airdate: February 23, 2005

THE WEST WING TRANSCRIPT: Freedonia (S6E15)

THE WEST WING
6x15 - “FREEDONIA”
WRITTEN BY ELI ATTIE
DIRECTED BY CHRISTOPHER MISIANO

Transcribed by Walking, Talking, And Yelling At Clouds
(kegofglory.blogspot.com)

NOTE: I have chosen to use the spelling ‘dwarfs’ throughout this transcript. Both ‘dwarfs’ and ‘dwarves’ are acceptable spellings, but even though most of the characters seem to use the ‘v’ sound in the pronunciation, I just think ‘dwarfs’ looks better on the page than the Tolkien-esque ‘dwarves’ - and ‘dwarfs’ fits better with the fairy tale/Disney origin as it pertains to ‘seven dwarfs.’ YMMV.

TEASER

FREEDONIA

FADE IN: A snowy street in a New Hampshire town. RONNA is bringing cups of coffee across the street and handing one to NED. We hear MATT SANTOS talking to a group of voters and reporters on the sidewalk outside a grocery store.

MATT
When was the last time you saw a politician answer a question he didn’t like?

WOMAN
Are you saying the debate shouldn’t matter?

MATT
No, I’m saying the debate should be better. Look, we’re practically teaching media evasion in kindergarten now - ‘look, teacher, the issue isn’t whether I pinched Dorothy during milk and cookies, the American people are more concerned with the need for new nap mats, and I’ve got a six-point plan.’

MATT and the crowd chuckle.

MAN
It’s the politicians that turn them into pumpkin-judging contests.

MATT
Oh, yeah – sometimes, sure, but it’s also the rules of the game. Look, we’ve got one more debate before this New Hampshire primary. Do we really want another joint photo-op, another ninety-second soundbite followed by a sixty-second soundbite, another beauty pageant without the beauty.

WOMAN
I think you’re beautiful.

MATT (smiling, embarrassed)
Well, maybe I’m working against myself here, but the Dover Herald – they’re announcing their debate rules this afternoon, and I’ve been banging on ‘em, let’s make it a real debate – a debate where all seven Democrats get to cross-examine each other, where we get to answer questions, like it or not.

MAN
You said politicians never answer questions they don’t like.

MATT
So we hook ourselves up to electrodes, Crossfire meets Clockwork Orange.

The crowd laughs again.

CUT TO: EXT. - PARKING LOT – DAY

VICE PRESIDENT RUSSELL is getting off his campaign bus, followed by WILL, Secret Service and a group of staffers, one carrying a basket full of wooden eggs. RUSSELL is holding one egg, trying to sign it.

RUSSELL
I don’t understand the wooden eggs.

WILL
‘Politics and Eggs,’ that’s the name of the forum.

RUSSELL
Have you ever tried signing a wooden egg?

WILL
It’s one of those annoying Granite State traditions – like the actual voting. We talk about your speech?

RUSSELL
What about little wooden slices of toast? At least you get traction with your pen.

WILL (as they enter the building)
You’re doing a modified stump; we beefed up the foreign-policy section because of these Pakistani nuclear sales. The soundbites in bold.

RUSSELL
Fine.

WILL
Then you can sign some little wooden nuclear reactors.

RUSSELL
I think I should open with the VP seal joke. Donna?

The group has reached DONNA, who was already inside the venue making the preparations.

DONNA
It’s a hilarious joke that’s been hilarious 147 times, sir.

RUSSELL
Well, I’ve never done this forum before.

WILL
These people were at all the other forums. Next week, they’ll be at the forum on forums.

A VOLUNTEER is at the door into the conference center.

VOLUNTEER
They’re almost done with your introduction, sir.

RUSSELL
Okay, I’m gonna open with the VP seal joke.

WILL
Pound the foreign policy section, I’m okay if you tell knock-knock jokes.

We hear the HOST introducing RUSSELL.

HOST (VO)
Our guest at this morning’s Politics and Eggs, Vice President Bob Russell.

As the crowd stands and applauds, RUSSELL steps into the conference room and up to the podium.

RUSSELL
Thank you, Bill. And in case the kitchen staff is wondering, I like my wooden eggs sawed in half and scrambled.

The crowd laughs.

RUSSELL
It is a great pleasure to be here -

As RUSSELL goes on we see WILL and DONNA talking.

DONNA
They just announced the rules for the Dover Herald debate.

WILL
Huh – don’t tell me they’re doing any of this Matt Santos nonsense – thumb-wrestling if you misuse a statistic.

DONNA
No, pretty thumb-free, in fact -

WILL stops here and gestures to RUSSELL.

RUSSELL
… the seal of the Vice President of the United States of America, and I will tell you what I like best about that seal. If you close your left eye, and squint really hard, and tilt your head just so, it reads a lot like ‘President of the United States of America.’

WILL and DONNA silently mouth the final words. The crowd laughs.

DONNA
The debate -

WILL
Trade the launch codes for a seltzer bottle, I swear we could do vaudeville.

DONNA
This is important.

WILL
They’re putting the Vice President of the United States onstage with six also-rans. Believe me, this debate isn’t important.

DONNA
See, that’s the thing.

WILL looks at DONNA.

CUT TO: EXT. - NEW HAMPSHIRE STREET – DAY

JOSH is crossing the street as MATT talks with another group of voters on the sidewalk.

MATT
And every year health care reform has been on the national agenda, whether we’ve passed it or not, private insurers have kept their premium increases down. So, uh – yeah, it ought to be part of the debate. Thanks.

MATT steps away from the group and walks up to JOSH. They step inside a clothing store.

MATT
Any news on this, uh, Pakistani nuclear sale to Nigeria?

JOSH
Pakistan’s trying to back pedal.

MATT
We ought to put out some kind of statement.

JOSH
No one’s asking, but – sure.

MATT (beat)
‘We need to lead toward a world that’s, uh, free, prosperous, and also nuclear-free.’

JOSH
That’s good. 

MATT
Second set starts at 9:00.

JOSH
I have some bad news. 

MATT
How bad?

JOSH
Bad.

MATT
The Herald’s decided to use the same old phony debate rules?

JOSH
Russell and Hoynes just made a huge media buy out of Boston, close to 1800 gross ratings points each.

MATT
1800 points … ?

JOSH
It’s an ad war … or an ad apocalypse, I don’t know where they’re getting the money, but – we don’t have it.

MATT
We ought to just ban TV ads altogether, screw the First Amendment.

JOSH
Well, constitutionality aside, New Hampshire votes in five days. The airwaves are gonna be flooded with Russell, Hoynes, and reruns of I Love Lucy. We need to change the whole dynamic, or we’re finished. We need a silver bullet.

MATT
A silver bullet?

JOSH
A TV ad that’ll vault us out of the second tier – turn this campaign on its head.

MATT
You want us to go deeper into debt?

JOSH
No, but we can scrape together enough to buy one minute of prime time on WMUR.

MATT
One minute against 1800 points?

JOSH
One minute that is so gutsy, so edgy, so different, that it’ll be replayed for free on every newscast in the country.

MATT
What’s the ad?

JOSH (confidently)
Working on it.

MATT and JOSH exchange looks, both half-smiling at the thought.

MATT
You go on and buy that air time. (turning to greet a shopper) Hi, Matt Santos. I’m running for President.

SHOPPER 
Hi, I’m …

RONNA comes up to JOSH.

JOSH
Anything on the debate rules?

RONNA
No interaction, no cross-examination, it’s everything we didn’t want, but -

JOSH
The debate’s gonna be a wash anyway. No one’s gonna watch. Everyone’s calling it The Return Of The Seven Dwarfs.

RONNA
Two dwarfs.

JOSH
Seven. The one with the big nose used to give me nightmares, it’s -

RONNA
Only Hoynes and Russell are invited. They’re limiting it to candidates polling over 20 percent. The Herald says they’re the only ones that can win.

MATT comes back by RONNA and JOSH, squeezing between them on the way to greet other shoppers.

MATT
You guys are already working on that silver bullet, huh?

JOSH and RONNA look at each other glumly.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER.
***

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. - SANTOS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – DAY

The former sporting goods store is a beehive of activity, with volunteers on phones, working at tables, carrying signs, chattering amongst themselves. MATT, JOSH, and RONNA come in through the front door.

MATT
You know, if only front-runners can debate, why not just bar the rest of us from the ballot altogether? I mean, if New Hampshire has suddenly become the Soviet Republic, they might as well go all the way.

JOSH
Oh, we’re gonna get in this. They can’t shut two-thirds of the Democratic field out of the debate.

MATT (taking off his coat in his office in the back of the building)
Oh, come on – don’t even call it a debate. What do voters learn from ninety seconds of canned blather followed by sixty seconds of canned blather, anyway?

JOSH
Timing, I suppose. Look, there’s a serious legal argument to be made here. This can be seen as an illegal contribution to both Hoynes and Russell. I, I know the case law. We get a team of election lawyers, we storm the District Court -

MATT
I don’t want to sue my way into this, Josh. 

JOSH
Shame the Herald, kick up a huge cloud of dust. Maybe even the District Court stops the debate.

MATT (throwing darts)
I don’t want to stop it, I want to get in it!

JOSH
Well, the publisher of the Herald won’t meet with us, I couldn’t get past the copy desk.

MATT (still throwing darts)
Ehhh … (sighing as he pulls the darts out of the board) Do you think the Vice President really wants to, uh, go mano-a-mano with John Hoynes?

JOSH
No … why elevate the number two mano in a crowded field?

MATT
Maybe Russell will meet the publisher of the Herald with us – demand a full and fair debate.

JOSH heads over to NED and RONNA.

JOSH (to RONNA)
Get Will Bailey on the phone … (to NED) and, uh, call that, uh, post-production shop in Nashua. We need ‘em open late. We’re gonna make a TV ad.

CUT TO: EXT. - NEW HAMPSHIRE STREET – DAY

RUSEELL is talking with a group of people on the sidewalk. WILL and DONNA are nearby.

RUSSELL
I got a letter from an eight-year-old girl in Portsmouth who said, and I quote, ‘You are the greatest Vice President of my time.’

The crowd laughs.

RUSSELL
Now, I’m not making this up. Thanks for your time, folks. Have a good day.

The crowd responds as RUSSELL walks away to join WILL and DONNA.

RUSSELL (to WILL)
A two-man debate? I told you the Herald was for Hoynes. Tomorrow they’ll be denouncing me for not giving him flyer miles on Air Force Two.

WILL
Josh Lyman just called.

RUSSELL (as they all walk towards the Russell campaign bus)
Tell him he can have your job.

DONNA
Today I think he’d take it.

RUSSELL
As long as he fakes my signature on 300 wooden eggs.

WILL
Santos wants you to go to the Herald with him to say that if all seven candidates aren’t invited, you’ll stay home and scramble those eggs by your lonesome.

RUSSELL
I can’t look like I’m ducking Hoynes.

DONNA
You stand with Santos, Hoynes will look like he’s ducking the whole field.

RUSSELL
What about his nutty debate rules? We want the Seven Dwarfs to be able to take direct shots at me?

WILL
You realize – you’re one of the dwarfs. There are only seven candidates.

RUSSELL
Well, there must have been a head dwarf …

DONNA
That’d be Snow White – not quite what we’re going for.

WILL (as they get on the bus)
Forget Santos’ rules, he’ll be grateful just to get on that stage. The more dwarfs we have up there with the sitting Vice President, the smaller John Hoynes is gonna look.

CUT TO: EXT. - NEW HAMPSHIRE SIDEWALK – DAY

JOSH and MATT are heading toward the Dover Herald offices.

JOSH
Will and I choreographed this whole meeting.

MATT
Okay.

JOSH
Let Russell do the talking. He’s the frontrunner, it should come from him.

MATT
Fine.

JOSH
You can bob your head appreciatively.

MATT
I’ve been thinking about debate prep. (to someone on the sidewalk) Hi. (to JOSH) You know, you were right, we should bring in someone to help.

JOSH
I’ll make some calls.

MATT
I’ve called someone already.

JOSH
Who’d you call?

MATT
Someone I know from the Hill. For performance stuff, eye-clicking, things like that.

JOSH
Eye-clicking?

MATT
Yeah. Things like that.

CUT TO: INT. - DOVER HERALD OFFICE – DAY

JOSH and MATT enter the office of the publisher, MR. LOWELL. WILL and RUSSELL are already there.

MATT (shaking hands)
Mr. Lowell.

LOWELL
Congressman, welcome to the Herald.

MATT (shaking hands with RUSSELL)
Mr. Vice President.

RUSSELL
Matt. You’ve come a long way since House Administration.

MATT (to LOWELL)
The Vice President and I served together on the, uh, House Administration Committee.

RUSSELL
Siberia of committees.

MATT
Non-binding resolutions to limit the number of non-binding resolutions.

RUSSELL
Hey, that one was binding.

LOWELL (as they all sit around his desk)
That must have been some time ago.

RUSSELL
Yeah, I think it was back in -

MATT
Two years ago, actually.

RUSSELL reacts to that.

LOWELL
Well, I’ll be frank. We’re five days away from the primary, two days away from the debate. No offense, Congressman, you’re not going to be the nominee. How does it serve the voters to clutter up the stage?

RUSSELL
I’m sure Fidel Castro would agree. (beat) Mackey - you’re trying to do the right thing, but it’s downright undemocratic. My lawyers tell me that uh, it could be an illegal contribution to the two top campaigns. Without the full field, I … I don’t think I can participate.

LOWELL
The people want another debate, Mr. Vice President.

RUSSELL
I agree. I was thinking of having my own, invite the full field. Who needs the Dover Herald?

LOWELL
All seven Democrats.

RUSSELL
Right as rain, Mackey.

MATT
We should also take a minute to discuss format. Uh, these debates can be better, not just bigger.

RUSSELL looks skeptically at MATT.

MATT
We all saw what happened in the New Jersey Senate debates.

LOWELL
Are we talking about the rules you proposed?

WILL and JOSH are watching with trepidation.

MATT
Well, don’t we want this to be truly democratic, with real back-and-forth? A requirement that each candidate has to answer the questions, not just another seven-stump-speech collision.

LOWELL
Well, I’m all for mixing it up, but if we proposed a debate like that, no one would agree to it.

MATT
What do you say, Mr. Vice President? A real debate, with all of the candidates truly engaging on the issues?

RUSSELL (unconvincingly)
Great.

MATT
Terrific.

LOWELL
I have to talk to my editorial board, but, uh – I will take it to John Hoynes.

RUSSELL (standing, brusquely)
Matt.

MATT (also rising)
Mr. Vice President.

RUSSELL storms out, followed by WILL.

MATT
Thank you very much, Mr. Lowell.

CUT TO: EXT. - OUTSIDE THE HERALD OFFICE – DAY

RUSSELL and WILL come out the door and down the steps.

RUSSELL
Who do you think was the jerk who wanted to limit non-binding resolutions?

WILL
That did go a bit off-plan.

RUSSELL
I won’t be a punching bag for Hoynes and Santos and every second-tier welterweight who wants a quick tabloid hit.

WILL
I’ll call Mackey and revisit the format.

RUSSELL
I practically threatened legal action in there.

WILL
I’ll call him and tell him if they’re using Santos’ format, we won’t debate at all.

RUSSELL
You call him and tell him we’ll pay for the debate ourselves – just me and Hoynes, Herald rules. Then no one can say it’s an illegal contribution to anyone. (getting in his SUV) I didn’t come here to be a guest lecturer in Matt Santos’ etiquette class.

CUT TO: INT. - SANTOS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – DAY

JOSH is on the phone by MATT’s desk, MATT is bouncing a ball off the wall.

JOSH (into phone)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. (beat) Okay, so we’re back to a two-man debate. (beat) Thanks.

JOSH hangs up the phone.

JOSH
You did push the rules business a little hard.

MATT
I don’t know how anyone’s helped by us standing up there spewing out poll-tested pabulum.

JOSH
We’re not trying to help anyone, we’re trying to help you.

MATT
Spoken like a true Athenian. So I guess we cancel the debate prep, huh?

JOSH
No, you need to move ahead with it.

MATT 
For a debate we’re not even in.

JOSH
We have to get in, I, - I got two election lawyers from Boston working on a brief.

MATT
You’re still on this illegal contribution jag?

JOSH
Even if Russell paid for the event, he’s still using the Herald’s name, he’s getting a mountain of free media, how is that not an illegal -

MATT
I am not taking this to court, Josh!

JOSH closes his binder and stands to go. He realizes something and stops.

JOSH
We could try the Bob Russell thing.

MATT
Get a bad haircut and break ties in the Senate?

JOSH
No, hold our own debate.

MATT
Me and my bedroom mirror.

JOSH
No, I’m serious. We rent the hall across from the main debate, you personally invite all the other candidates, we stir up the good government groups, editorial writers, local activists -

MATT
‘Cause the Dover Herald doesn’t get to decide who’s a viable candidate for the highest office in the land.

JOSH
Frank Capra, eat your heart out.

MATT
Can we use my debate rules?

JOSH
You can use whatever rules you want, just … get ready to debate.

JOSH heads off.

CUT TO: INT. - RUSSELL CAMPAIGN BUS – DAY

As the bus rolls along a rural highway with a police escort, WILL and DONNA are showing RUSSELL some TV ad options.

WILL
We’re gonna run this at about 600 points, very effective with swing-twos in the mall test.

DONNA puts a VHS tape in the player, and we see the ad. It begins with RUSSELL onscreen.

RUSSELL (on TV)
I’m Bob Russell, and I approve this ad.

The ad begins, with footage of men handling piles of assault rifles.

NARRATOR (on TV)
In the United States Senate, John Hoynes had an 84 percent NRA voting record. Now he claims he’ll crack down on handguns. As Vice President -

Now the ad shows delegates at the United Nations, with an unflattering photo of Hoynes superimposed.

NARRATOR (on TV)
- Hoynes praised Pakistan’s Defense Minister as a ‘bold thinker,’ so bold he may now be selling nuclear secrets to Nigeria. You can’t take America’s side by taking both sides.

A giant question mark is superimposed on Hoynes’ face.

NARRATOR (on TV)
John Hoynes – whose side is he on?

RUSSELL
You sure we should run this?

WILL
Want to see his ad on your Colorado mining connections again?

A phone rings, and a STAFFER answers.

STAFFER (into phone)
Hello? (to WILL) Matt Santos, for the Veep.

WILL looks at RUSSELL, who shakes his head.

WILL
He’s tied up.

WILL and DONNA leave RUSSELL’s room in the back of the bus, making their way up the aisle.

DONNA
I still don’t get why our ads are that negative. I mean, of course I get it, but we’re the frontrunner, do they have to be that negative?

WILL (as they sit)
We need to work up some Q&A for the two-man debate. Want to grab dinner later?

DONNA
You’re … are you asking me to dinner?

WILL
We’ve had dinner four nights in a row.

DONNA
But you never asked me, we just went. Who else am I going to have dinner with? Everyone else on this campaign is 14 years old and irons their blue jeans.

WILL
Fine.

DONNA
Great. (to another staffer) I need one-pagers on domestic policy, and, uh, NSC guidance on Pakistan? Thanks.

WILL
Sooo … you wanna grab dinner later?

DONNA (beat)
Sure.

CUT TO: EXT. - NEW HAMPSHIRE STREET – DAY

JOSH is walking down the sidewalk with NED, RONNA, and a couple of other campaign staffers.

JOSH
Just set it up like a real debate, seven podiums, a table for the moderator, full drill.

STAFFER
Got it.

The other staffers peel off and head in a different direction, leaving JOSH with NED and RONNA.

JOSH
We get back to headquarters, we’ll draft a statement announcing this thing.

RONNA
We’ll miss debate prep.

JOSH
Yeah, Santos is gonna work with a guy I’m bringing in from the Hill.

RONNA
Smart of you to widen the team.

JOSH
Thanks. What we’re gonna do is start a massive public relations crusade.

NED
Tonight?

JOSH
Yeah, do you have that, uh, list of opinion-makers?

RONNA
Uh, yeah.

JOSH
Okay, we’re gonna call every political reporter in the state, every party leader, every PTA recording secretary. We’re gonna tell ‘em we’re holding our own debate, the Herald’s debate is a sham.

RONNA
You really believe anyone’s gonna cover our debate?

JOSH
Uh, ours is a Trojan debate. It’s never gonna happen, we’re gonna turn public opinion so they have to let us into the main debate.

NED
You think that’ll work?

JOSH
You know, if I wanted your opinion, I would stick you in a focus group in southern Missouri. Let’s talk about the ad.

NED
I don’t understand that, either.

The three stop walking, outside of a small inn.

JOSH
Hey, we’re broke, okay, we, we can’t afford a huge, glitzy ad buy, so we run something fiesty, funny, out-of-the-box. Turns our one minute of prime time into a national sensation.

RONNA
Santos on ice skates wearing a goalie outfit pledging to defend America.

JOSH
Closer to the box than that.

NED (as they head toward the inn entrance)
Well, what’s the message?

JOSH
How about our exclusion from the debates, let’s try that.

NED
So what do we do, film chicken coops and say they’re too chicken to debate us?

RONNA chuckles. JOSH stops, staring ahead.

JOSH
I want two volunteers. I want ‘em in giant chicken suits, I want ‘em in my office first thing in the morning.

RONNA (skeptically)
Chicken suits?

NED
You think he’s gonna like this?

JOSH
He’s gonna like what keeps him in the race. (opening door) But let’s not, you know – tell him.

They step inside the inn.

JOSH (seeing something that stops him)
Feisty. (beat) Play around with the … poultry theme.

RONNA and NED head off, and we see what JOSH noticed – AMY GARDNER, in the lobby of the inn, wearing a fur hat and licking a chocolate ice cream cone while looking at her phone. JOSH walks up to her.

JOSH
Hi.

AMY (looking up)
Hi.

JOSH
A little cold for ice cream, isn’t it? I mean, you could’ve bought just cream.

AMY
I embrace the cold.

JOSH
Okay.

AMY
I luxuriate in the cold.

JOSH
Can I ask you -

AMY
I fight cold with more cold.

JOSH
What are you doing in New Hampshire?

AMY
I could ask you the same thing, but in your case it’s more of an existential question, isn’t it?

JOSH
When I want dark, depressing thoughts about alienation and nothingness, I watch cable news.

AMY
That’s funny. You’re funny.

JOSH
You know what’s funny? That you didn’t call me before you gave that speech at the Shorenstein Center.

AMY
I run the Women’s Majority Fund. I make hundreds of speeches.

JOSH
Trashing the entire Democratic field? Saying we were gonna lose before we even have a nominee?

AMY
I was throwing down a gauntlet.

JOSH
Where I come from, it’s called littering.

AMY
The field’s pathetic. Not one of ‘em can take the Republicans in the fall. I called ‘em the Seven Dwarfs for a reason.

JOSH
I’m not gonna get into an argument about whether size matters. I’m here in the trenches, running a one-man show, and I’m sick of Democrats eating their young.

AMY
You wash ‘em down with a little Rocky Road, it’s not so bad.

JOSH
You still haven’t told me what you’re doing in New Hampshire -

BELLHOP
Excuse me, Miss Gardner – your room is ready.

AMY (standing, grabbing her purse)
Simple answer is … I’m prepping Matt Santos for the debate you haven’t gotten him into. The existential answer … (handing the ice cream cone to JOSH) is tricky stuff, Joshua.

AMY walks off, leaving JOSH holding the ice cream cone.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE.
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. - UPSTAIRS, SANTOS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – DAY

We open with a tight shot on JOSH as he speaks to unseen characters.

JOSH
I want you at every Hoynes and every Russell event for the next 36 hours. Obviously, Bob goes to the Russell events and John, the Hoynes. You know, Bob, John. We’re making a serious point here, we’re trying to turn public opinion, so … no roughhousing, no tearing down signs, no excessive flapping of the wings …

As the camera rotates around JOSH, we now see him talking to two young men in chicken suits, holding the head pieces. One wears a shirt saying CHICKEN BOB, the other a shirt saying CHICKEN JOHN.

JOSH
Don’t lie about what you’re doing there, don’t heckle. If you get the chance, you ask humbly and respectfully, ‘Are you too chicken to debate the full field?’ (beat) On a personal note, thanks for … you know. (pause) Okay. Let’s go out and get ‘em, guys.

The chicken-suit wearing men turn to leave.

CUT TO: INT. - DINER – DAY

JOSH, RONNA and NED are meeting over coffee and breakfast.

RONNA
So far no one’s accepted our debate, and only the Monitor and Post-Dispatch are editorializing against the Herald’s debate.

JOSH
Two lousy editorials, that’s it?

RONNA
We’ve been calling everyone. The nationals won’t bite. But I stopped by our alternate debate site and it looks great.

JOSH
Tell our Potemkin advance team great work. The second they post those editorials online, I need pull quotes for the ad.

RONNA (as her cell phone rings, before she answers it)
Okay.

NED
I don’t understand why we’re not putting policy in the ad. We got great policy.

JOSH
We’re trying to get free media. Great policy doesn’t give goosebumps to bored 55-year-old segment producers.

NED 
As opposed to -

JOSH
Chickens.

NED
It’s a complicated business.

JOSH
You have no idea.

RONNA
Josh – you’re not gonna believe who’s on the phone.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

MATT and AMY are getting ready for debate prep. AMY is setting up video monitors while MATT drinks from a bottle of water.

MATT
I feel terrible making you do this when I’m not even in the debate.

AMY
You’re not in the Olympics, either, doesn’t mean you don’t do some sit-ups now and then.

MATT
Well, you know, you’ve coached about 50 women Congressional candidates to debate wins, so, there must be some secret.

AMY (adjusting a camera)
There is. Always keep an extra pair of pantyhose in your purse.

MATT
After bombing the way I did in Iowa, I’m not going to rule that out.

AMY
Congressman, I looked at the tapes. You’re great. You’re quotable, you’re cute enough to be a Presidential-primary pin-up -

MATT
Oh, wait until you see my runway work.

AMY
You don’t have the Presidential voice.

MATT
The Presidential voice?

AMY
You don’t have it. And it’s a time of global peril and you’re going to be sharing the stage with two Vice Presidents.

MATT
Or not.

MATT turns and vaults up on the stage, standing behind his podium.

AMY (starting the prep)
Congressman, what do you think of the ultranationalist gains in the Russian parliamentary elections?

MATT
Well, it ain’t the Litchfield city council, but Russia makes its own choices, and in a democracy -

AMY
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You just wrote the lamer half of Jay Leno’s monologue, you’re not a House backbencher trying to get a quote on CNN. Sobriety, understatement, let the words carry the authority.

MATT
The Presidential voice.

AMY
Think filling out a suit, instead of wearing bright orange -

MATT
Pantyhose.

AMY
I was gonna say neckties, but what the hell.

JOSH enters the room behind AMY.

JOSH
How’s the eye clicking?

AMY
We’re still on hosiery.

JOSH
I need the Congressman for a minute.

MATT
Yeah. (walking out with JOSH) Thanks, Amy. (as they enter the hallway) How’s the ad?

JOSH
We’ll have something by prime time tomorrow night.

MATT
Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Amy.

JOSH
I just got a call from Hoynes’ campaign manager. Hoynes wants to meet with me.

MATT
You think he wants us in the main debate?

JOSH
I can’t imagine why, but we’re getting some good editorials. Maybe we’re making more hay than I thought.

MATT
You want me to come with you?

JOSH
After your soliloquy at the Herald, maybe I should take the solo this time.

MATT
Okay. (turning back to the conference room then stopping) Say, you got a few minutes for debate prep? I mean, I know how you feel about me and -

JOSH (leaving)
You should get back in there.

CUT TO: EXT. - OUTSIDE SCHOOL BUILDING – DAY

JOHN HOYNES walks away from a group of supporters, crossing the street to meet JOSH next to his SUV.

HOYNES
You know what I’m finding about being out on the trail again?

JOSH
What’s that?

HOYNES (shaking hands)
I never stop talking.

JOSH
Well, okay -

HOYNES
No, really, I, I’m surprised I, I don’t babble like an idiot in the shower – 15 stops a day, eight speeches, five interviews … I could do a good 45 seconds on your overcoat.

JOSH
Okay, but let’s not -

HOYNES
It’s a stitch too little and a season too late, Josh, you can do better. America can do better.

JOSH
You wanted to talk about that debate?

HOYNES (chuckling)
I don’t.

JOSH
Why’d you return the Congressman’s call?

HOYNES
I called you, not the Congressman. You think I want to tell him no? You know how this works. They only put me on the phone if I get to say yes.

JOSH
I’m not gonna pretend you don’t benefit from a two-man debate, but there are already editorials denouncing the Herald’s decision. Public opinion’s turning, you’re gonna start seeing it at your events.

HOYNES
Well, first of all – Russell’s picking up the tab, it’s his decision. And second, the way Russell’s hammering me in these ads -

JOSH
Yeah.

HOYNES
I’ve gotta get him up there, one-on-one.

JOSH
So, why did you want to see me?

HOYNES
I want to talk about Matt Santos’ statement on Pakistan.

JOSH
You’re the only one.

HOYNES
‘Free and nuclear-free’? I used that exact phrase myself at the Merrimack Chamber. Now, if we’re gonna work from the same material let’s find some way to coordinate. We don’t want to get caught up in a plagiarism charge.

JOSH
What are you talking about?

HOYNES
Amy’s memos.

JOSH
Amy?

HOYNES
Amy Gardner, her memos on the Presidential voice. That’s where I got the Pakistan line, I assume that’s where you got it. Now, if we’re both gonna use them – let’s divvy ‘em up.

JOSH
She gave you the memos.

HOYNES
‘Security as the new women’s issue.’ Pretty smart stuff, don’t you think?

JOSH
Yeah, that’s pretty smart stuff.

A MAN calls from offscreen.

MAN
Sir, we’re ready for you.

HOYNES
Time’s up, Josh. Gotta keep talking.

HOYNES walks away and gets in his vehicle.

CUT TO: INT. - SANTOS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – DAY

MATT walks into the room as the staffers are all intently watching an ad on the TV.

NARRATOR (on TV)
When Bob Russell was in Congress, Common Cause called him ‘big mining’s best friend.’ Congress Watch said, ‘There isn’t a single mining loophole or giveaway he won’t support.’ Even -

MATT
That’s the new Hoynes spot?

NED
Hoynes approved it, right into the camera.

MATT
You know, I fought for that in Congress. We thought that if candidates had to look right into the camera and approve every ad, it would somehow – raise the tone of these campaigns.

RONNA
It’s not working very well.

NED
Candidates just approve the negative ones at the top, so by the time they twist the knife, you forgot who stuck it in.

NARRATOR (on TV)
Bob Russell – good for the Colorado mining industry … but is he good for New Hampshire?

MATT
I’m going back to the hotel for my debate prep.

CUT TO: INT. - HOCKEY RINK – DAY

A youth hockey game is going on. RUSSELL is meeting with a group of voters and reporters on the floor, next to the bleachers, a few Secret Service agents nearby. WILL and DONNA are looking on.

RUSSELL
One of the advantages of being Vice President, aside from the motorcades and the planes and all the hoopla, is the honor of standing behind the Vice Presidential seal. And I’ll tell you what I like about the Vice Presidential seal. If you close your left eye and you squint really hard and you tilt your head just so, it seems a lot -

WILL (to DONNA)
Here’s what’s troubling me about our debate answer on Pakistan …

We see one of the men in chicken suits, wearing the CHICKEN BOB shirt, going through security at the door behind WILL and DONNA.

DONNA
We’re exploiting vague and unverified claims that have been denied by the Pakistani and Nigerian cabinets?

WILL
I was gonna say our 60-second answer’s more like 90.

DONNA
I know, I hate it when clandestine proliferation networks won’t stay on the clock.

The man in the chicken suit walks past WILL and DONNA, with members of the crowd pointing and laughing. The chicken-suited man walks up to the crowd near RUSSELL as he continues with his speech.

RUSSELL
Now I am committed to keeping manufacturing in this country -

WILL
You sure that was Advil you gave me on the bus?

DONNA
That is a very large chicken.

WILL
It’s not the mascot, aren’t these guys the Fighting Wombats?

DONNA
Warthogs.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT (coming up next to WILL)
We magged him. He’s clean.

MAN IN CHICKEN SUIT
Excuse me? Mr. Vice President? Excuse me? May I ask you about the debate? Why are you not willing to have full participation? Are you chicken?

DONNA (moving toward the man in the suit)
I’m going in.

MAN IN CHICKEN SUIT
May I ask, sir, why you’re not willing? Why you’re not – huh?

DONNA grabs the man by the arm and pulls him away from the crowd around RUSSELL. She leads him into a side hallway.

DONNA
You’re from the Santos campaign, aren’t you?

MAN IN CHICKEN SUIT
Yes, I am.

DONNA
Do you realize how pathetic this is? Do your parents know you’re doing this? Pakistan could be arming Nigeria, a potential Muslim coup, and you’re pulling shaving-cream-and-balloon style pranks. If this is his idea of democracy, Matt Santos belongs in a fraternity house, not a debate. Now go dip your beak in someone else’s feed.

DONNA shoves the man in the suit out the exit door. As she turns back to the arena she sees photographers and cameramen focused on the scene she just created.

DONNA
Tell me you’re not gonna use that.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

MATT is at the podium, continuing his debate prep, as AMY takes notes.

MATT
There are whole generations of Russians who were trained by the KGB. Now, when the wall fell, they didn’t all go open pizzerias. Now, that’s not to say that -

AMY
No, no, no, bad, bad, bad. If I could pull a lever and drop you through the floor, I’d do it right now.

MATT
What, my analysis isn’t right?

AMY
Your analysis is fine. I don’t know how to explain this any better. It’s not a pop quiz, and it’s not a late-night talk show. The leader of the free world has to speak in broad concepts, in value statements - ‘I love America,’ ‘I will lead the world towards liberty’ -

MATT
Oh, I don’t sound pompous enough.

AMY
You sound like you’re commenting on events, not shaping them.

MATT
I don’t shape them, Amy, and it’s not the way I think.

AMY (as JOSH walks in behind her)
Congressman, the prospect of first-strike capability’s got to change the way you think.

MATT (to JOSH)
Anything from Hoynes?

JOSH (stopping, looking at AMY)
Yeah. I need, uh, five minutes with Amy.

MATT (getting down off the stage)
Take ten. I’m gonna call my wife. Show Amy how little I shape events.

MATT walks away. JOSH comes around to face AMY.

AMY
I’m trying to explain the Presidential voice. The difference between leading the marketplace and catering to it. The difference between, I don’t know, John Lennon and John Davidson … Sgt. Pepper and the fifth Herman’s Hermits album -

JOSH
You should’ve told me you were working for Hoynes.

AMY
I’m not working for Hoynes.

JOSH
You’re giving the same one-liners to two campaigns.

AMY
It was a memo. I gave it to all seven.

JOSH
I suppose your love is a free gift to the Bolshevik brothers, too.

AMY
Did you see the gender gap in the last election? Probably not, ‘cause there pretty much wasn’t one.

JOSH
Yeah, and since chicks really dig plagiarism, this’ll help.

AMY
Security’s the new women’s issue. It’s why we’re losing all these races, people are scared and Democrats sound like a bunch of think-tank hair-twirlers.

JOSH
So you pick a candidate and you help him, that’s how this works.

AMY
And if that candidate doesn’t win? 

JOSH
What do you want, a 90-day warranty?

AMY (loudly)
I want every candidate to be able to take the Republicans on, Josh -

JOSH (yelling)
Oh, you don’t give a damn about the candidates, you want -

AMY
The whole party to be stronger, that’s right.

JOSH
We don’t open our inner circle to dilettantes and earth mothers.

AMY
Who’s ‘we’? You didn’t even know I was coming.

JOSH
No, but I know you’re leaving.

AMY and JOSH stare at each other. AMY sits back in her chair, gather up her binder and coffee cup, and starts out of the room.

JOSH
And don’t knock Herman’s Hermits, it’s hard enough getting on the charts.

AMY is gone. JOSH sighs and rubs his head. MATT comes back in the door.

MATT
What happened in here? Amy practically knocked me over in the lobby.

JOSH
She’s going back to Washington.

MATT
You fired her?

JOSH
She’s been advising the whole field. Hoynes used the exact same line on Pakistan. And she’s brilliant, I can understand how you’d want her, and – she’s my ex-girlfriend, so you didn’t want to tell me, but maybe if you had trusted me for two seconds -

MATT
I knew she was advising everyone, that’s why I didn’t tell you. You think I care about your dating life?

JOSH (beat)
Okay. (clears throat) Let’s get back to Politics 101 – the object is to beat the other guys -

MATT (yelling)
We are all getting beaten on security! It’s like these debate rules – if all of us were better, then maybe one of us would finally break through. And did I just see chickens on CNN up in my hotel room?

JOSH
This may not be the best time to bring this up, but we have to get over to the District Court, it closes in an hour -

MATT
No! We are not going to any cour – Chickens?

JOSH
I had the lawyers finish the brief. They’re waiting at the courthouse.

MATT
Tell ‘em to find an ambulance to chase!

JOSH
In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in one! We’re hosting a debate that nobody is coming to? Two lousy editorials taking our side … you know all this, why, why do you keep making me have this argument?

MATT
Because it’s not the way I wanna do things!

JOSH
Being in a real debate, like an actual candidate?

MATT
I got Amy telling me to be more Presidential and you want me to act like a mob attorney.

JOSH
Okay, here’s what Amy won’t tell you about the Presidential voice – you have to become President to use it.

JOSH and MATT regard each other in silence.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO.
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. - HOTEL ROOM – DAY

JOSH is on the phone with CJ. The scene switches back and forth from JOSH’s room to CJ’s office.

JOSH (into phone)
He wouldn’t let me go to the district court, I had the brief – we were ready to go.

CJ (on phone)
Well, I gotta tell you – you end up canceling your alternate debate because of lack of interest -

JOSH (on phone)
I know.

CJ (into phone)
- the field just shrank to six dwarfs and a porcelain donkey.

JOSH (into phone)
Collectible, though.

CJ (on phone)
You should’ve told him a court case kicks up a media storm.

JOSH (on phone)
I tried! The guy has the PR instincts of Idi Amin. Now we’re shut out of a debate we could’ve been in, I fired my ex-girlfriend from a job she never had – Santos practically had me battered, dipped, and seasoned when he saw Donna fighting a giant chicken on CNN.

JOSH sits on his hotel room bed. On TV is a news clip showing DONNA and the MAN IN CHICKEN SUIT squaring off.

CJ (on phone)
Talk about dignifying a weak opponent.

JOSH (into phone)
Yeah.

CJ (into phone)
You don’t engage a chicken. Didn’t you teach that girl not to engage a chicken? Though …

CJ is watching the same TV news footage.

CJ (into phone)
I swear watching the footage, it looks like she is going to pluck the feathers right off that little cluck.

JOSH (into phone)
It’s the best press we’ve had all week.

CJ (into phone)
Gotta go. (she hangs up)

CUT TO: INT. - SANTOS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

JOSH is putting a videotape into a player as he talks with RONNA. Other staffers are standing and chatting in the background.

RONNA
Post-production guys worked all night, huh?

JOSH
Yeah. Did you get a, uh, working cell number for Amy?

RONNA
Actually, she called and left it for the Congressman - but made me promise not to give it to you.

MATT walks up.

JOSH
Hey.

MATT
Well, uh … let’s see the ad.

JOSH hits the Play button on the video player. We hear twangy, country-themed banjo background music and the voice of RUSSELL.

RUSSELL (on TV)
Health care costs are spiraling out of control. That’s something we should talk about in the debates.

On the TV we see the ad, with footage of RUSSELL being interviewed. That is followed by video of a chicken in a barnyard, with clucking sounds.

NARRATOR (on TV)
Then why has Bob Russell refused to take part in a real democratic debate?

JOSH and the other staffers chuckle, some clap lightly. We hear the voice of HOYNES on the ad.

HOYNES (on TV)
The people of New Hampshire deserve to hear us speak about the issues.

Now there is footage of HOYNES being interviewed – followed by chickens again.

HOYNES (on TV)
I’m looking forward to the debates.

NARRATOR (on TV)
Then why won’t John Hoynes debate all of his opponents? The Concord Monitor calls tomorrow’s debate, ‘quite possibly an illegal contribution to the Russell and Hoynes campaigns.’

JOSH checks to see how MATT is reacting. The ad on TV now shows newspaper pages with pull-quotes bannered over them.

NARRATOR (on TV)
The Post-Dispatch says, ‘a subversion of democracy.’ Or maybe, they’re just chicken.

The ad ends with a rooster crowing. The staffers smile and applaud. MATT’s face is stonily impassive.

MATT
It’s an attack ad.

JOSH
Well, they shut us out of the debate. We should crawl on our knees and thank them?

MATT
So you expect me to look into a camera and say that I approve that?

JOSH
We’re gonna put that at the top.

MATT (to everyone)
Thank you, all, for all of your hard work. (to JOSH) We’re not running it.

MATT walks away.

CUT TO: EXT. - ALLEY BEHIND CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

MATT opens the door and walks into the alley, buttoning his suit jacket against the cold. He is downcast. JOSH opens the door and follows him, carrying the videotape.

JOSH
Congressman … this is your argument. People deserve a full and fair debate.

MATT
It wasn’t what I had in mind.

JOSH
What did you have in mind?

MATT (beat)
I don’t know.

JOSH
Well, great, I’ll – I’ll c-, call the editing bay. Tell ‘em we need to overhaul the spot, we really have no clue, but get it ready for broadcast tonight.

MATT
It’s sketch comedy.

JOSH
It’s fun! It’s fiesty! It’ll get us on the news -

MATT
It’s cheap.

JOSH
What did you expect, the Roman Senate? I’m sorry, but nobody else cares about your Marquess of Queensbury rules.

MATT
I didn’t want this to be some crank campaign swinging wildly at the gates of Eden.

JOSH
Well, guess what, that’s what we are.

JOSH turns in frustration as MATT considers this.

JOSH
I like your debate rules, Congressman, honestly, I do. And I admire your campaign ethics. But, we’re game players – not rule makers. And if we walk away from our last chance to make any kind of splash … and I’m telling you, this is our last chance … the only rules we’re gonna need are for long, lingering games of shuffleboard. (holding up the videotape) We got a good ad. We got a minute of prime time on one of the top stations in the state. You don’t want to run it, it’s up to you.

JOSH hands the videotape to MATT, then walks back inside the building. MATT stands in the dark, looking at the tape. NED comes to the door and knocks on the frame.

NED
Congressman, do you need some time?

MATT
No, it’s – fine.

As MATT turns to the door, NED steps out to meet him.

NED
Maybe we could run a bit of your stump speech, uh – get the footage from C-SPAN.

MATT
In less than one hour?

NED (shrugging)
Yeah, probably not.

MATT (tapping NED on the shoulder)
Say, did you, uh, happen to catch the, uh, New Jersey Senate debate last week?

NED
No, sir.

MATT
Someone asked about the, uh, situation in Freedonia. And Barber said that he was, uh, studying it.

NED looks confused.

MATT
Freedonia is fake. It’s from a Marx Brothers movie. And there was no follow-up, no cross-examination. The bigger story in the papers the next day was how he slammed his opponent for being too liberal.

There’s a short pause.

MATT
You get into this - thinking to yourself that - you’re going to play by your own rules. And then … bit by bit, you chip away at them until, uh … you can’t even name the game. (pause) You were a history major over at, uh, UT, weren’t you?

NED
Yes, sir.

MATT
You think there’s such a thing as a Presidential voice?

NED (thinks)
Always seemed to me that the President makes the voice, not the other way around.

MATT gets an idea. He turns and walks through the door. He grabs his coat, not stopping.

MATT
We’re going to WMUR.

JOSH
To drop off the ad?

MATT tosses the videotape into a trash can.

MATT
I’m going to do it live. To camera.

JOSH
Do what live to camera?

MATT
Get a room and a laptop, we’ll figure it out when we get there.

JOSH (to RONNA)
Call the news director, tell him we need a -

RONNA
A room and a laptop.

JOSH (rushing out behind MATT)
Right – and call … call anyone else you think you should call.

CUT TO: INT. - WMUR NEWSROOM – NIGHT

MATT and JOSH walk into the door, where they are greeted by the NEWS DIRECTOR.

NEWS DIRECTOR (shaking hands)
Congressman.

MATT
Hi.

NEWS DIRECTOR (gesturing down the hall)
This way. (to JOSH) Hey, this is exciting stuff. We love live TV around here.

JOSH
Yeah, me, too. Love it.

They pass through the control room, where the TV staff is working and barely noting them walk through.

NEWS DIRECTOR
Is he going to talk about Pakistan? Hard for a House member to make much of that.

JOSH
I don’t want to, uh, spoil the surprise.

NEWS DIRECTOR
You’ll have to forgive the staff – they’re pretty jaded. They hardly look up when the first-tier candidates come through.

MATT and JOSH hurry into a studio, as MATT leaves his coat with JOSH as he rushes up to sit behind a desk. A cameraman is ready, camera pointing at the desk, as a TECHNICIAN and a STAGE MANAGER make the announcements.

TECHNICIAN
Fifteen seconds to live. 

STAGE MANAGER
Stand by to roll VTR – stand by VTR audio.

A technician clips a microphone to MATT’s jacket as a makeup person dabs his face.

STAGE MANAGER
Coming live in six, five -

TECHNICIAN
And roll VTR.

JOSH hurries away from the desk, watching a TV monitor as the live broadcast begins.

STAGE MANAGER
Four, three, two … 

MATT sits behind the desk, speaking directly to the camera.

MATT
Good evening. I’m running for President. And if you don’t know who I am, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve been shut out of tomorrow night’s debate for suggesting that it actually be a debate, and this is the only ad I can afford. I got in this to improve a broken school system; to fix entitlements, ‘cause they’re going bankrupt; to expand health coverage, ‘cause it’ll save money if fewer people show up in emergency rooms. What I’ve found is that Presidential campaigns aren’t about these things. They’re about clawing your opponents’ eyes out, so long as you don’t get tagged for it. So how about this – I will never say anything about my opponents, or anything about anything, without saying it myself, right into the camera. You might not get to hear much of me, but when you do, you’ll know I stand by it. I’m Matt Santos. And you better believe I approve this ad.

MATT stands, removes his microphone, and walks away from the desk. He takes his overcoat from JOSH as they begin to walk out of the studio. The NEWS DIRECTOR and the other TV staff watch him go, in surprised silence.

MATT (as they exit the studio into the control room; to JOSH)
The hard part’s clearing your throat, really. 

JOSH smiles. The newsroom staff stands and watches in what seems like awe, a few offering handshakes, a “great job” murmured by someone.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE.
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. - SANTOS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

The building is bustling with excited activity; phones ringing, staffers talking, volunteers grabbing yard signs.

VOLUNTEER (into phone)
Yes, sir, we’re still taking donations. (beat) Well – I honestly don’t know if we could run the ad again, it wasn’t really … uh, uh, I’m sorry, could you hold, please? (puts the caller on hold and answers another line) Hello, Santos for – (beat) Federal limit’s $2000, ma’am, could you please hold for a second?

CUT TO: EXT. - SIDEWALK OUTSIDE THE INN – NIGHT

JOSH and MATT are heading to the hotel, with a pack of reporters and photographers along.

REPORTER 1
John Hoynes isn’t commenting on your ad.

MATT
And I’m not commenting on his failure to comment. So, uh – tag, he’s it.

REPORTER 2
Are you planning to go on TV more often?

MATT
Yeah, I’m trying to get my own game show: Let’s Make A Country. I’ll keep you posted.

As MATT leads the largest group of reporters away, a few others are talking with JOSH.

REPORTER 3
I don’t understand the strategy.

JOSH
I wouldn’t call it a strategy, per se – I mean, obviously, we talked about it.

REPORTER 4
Before you wrote the ad?

JOSH
Matt Santos wrote the ad.

REPORTER 3
Come on, Josh, we’re on deep background here -

JOSH
Matt Santos wrote the ad.

REPORTER 5
Off the record, then.

JOSH (entering the hotel)
You could put me in the witness protection program, the guy wrote his own ad, okay?

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT

AMY is watching a clip of MATT’s ad on TV, as his live appearance is being covered by news reports.

MATT (on TV)
I will never say anything about my opponents, or anything about anything without saying it myself – right into the camera. I’m Matt Santos. And you better believe I approve this ad.

JOSH walks into the room behind AMY.

NEWS REPORTER (on TV)
It’s hard to say whether Congressman Matthew Santos’ minute of prime time can turn his flagging campaign around. But many political observers agree that the most unusual ad, run on rival station WMUR, raises the question: If candidates mean what they say, why don’t they simply say it themselves? Matt Santos did that tonight, that’s for sure -

JOSH
Look, Amy, it’s … really hard out there. We got people lobbing grenades at us from all sides – even our friends.

AMY
They need to know if he can take it. Even your friends.

AMY switches to news coverage on a second TV.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
For its part, the Russell campaign says that, in fact, it stands by all its ads, which is why Bob Russell appears onscreen at the top of each one, attesting to its veracity -

JOSH
I should be calling columnists.

AMY
Don’t.

JOSH
No, we should be doing spin-off events, county by county -

AMY
Don’t.

JOSH
We should be sending out copies of -

AMY 
Don’t! Stop! This thing spins itself, you send out copies, they’re gonna stop running it.

JOSH
So what do I do?

AMY
Sit here.

NEWS REPORTER (on TV)
… defending negative ads the voters don’t especially like, and defending a campaign reform law that hasn’t done much to clean up campaigns. For its part -

JOSH walks slowly to a chair next to AMY as she turns the TV off. He sits. AMY picks up a large roll of white tape, then wraps it around JOSH several times, the last time loosely around his mouth. She sits and turns the TV back on.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
What Congressman Santos did tonight, intentionally or not, was put both the Hoynes and Russell campaigns -

JOSH
What happens now?

AMY
Very little.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
- squarely on the defensive, in defending a campaign reform law that hasn’t done much to clean up campaigns.

CUT TO: EXT. - SIDEWALK OUTSIDE INN – NIGHT

The crowd of reporters and photographers continues to crowd around MATT.

REPORTER 1
You think it’s cynical that all four of the other candidates that were excluded from the main debate have now accepted your offer to participate?

MATT
I don’t call it cynical. Yesterday this looked like a vanity exercise, I might not have accepted it myself.

REPORTER 2
MSNBC’s announced they’re running the two debates back-to-back.

MATT
And I’d watch ‘em, but I’m busy that night.

The reporters chuckle.

CUT TO: INT. - RUSSELL CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

RUSSELL is storming through the hall, followed by WILL and DONNA.

RUSSELL
This is a disaster, we’re not getting a dime’s worth of coverage of Politics and Eggs, of our get-tough-on-Pakistan message -

WILL (as they enter the conference room, where other staffers are working)
The press loves an underdog.

RUSSELL
How many points does he have behind this ad?

WILL
None. It’s all free media.

RUSSELL
Can we ramp up our media buy?

WILL
I think we need to pull some of our negatives, replace them with positives.

RUSSELL
Well, that sounds like a retreat. National press will smell blood.

WILL
It’s a multi-candidate field, if the press falls in love with Mr. Squeaky Clean and we’re rolling in the mud, we’re -

RUSSELL
We’re leading in the polls, how did we end up in a crouch? I’m not changing my ads because of a stunt.

WILL
You saw this morning’s editorials about the debate.

RUSSELL
Thank God we kept him out of it, he’d have probably shown up in a powdered wig, quoting from The Federalist Papers.

The staffers around the table murmur in agreement.

DONNA
I disagree.

WILL turns to look at her.

DONNA
I don’t agree, Mr. Vice President. Maybe it is a stunt, but if it is, we invited it … by trying to ride above the herd, by treating everybody else as if they were a herd. (beat) You have to go to Santos’ debate. Then Hoynes would have to go, then we’re letting the chips fall on you, on your ideas, not on some Machiavellian maneuver.

RUSSELL considers this.

CUT TO: INT. - HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT

MATT is being interviewed by a REPORTER, TV camera on him. JOSH watches in the background.

MATT
And what’s the alternative? Alienating Pakistan, which cuts off our only decent source of intelligence in that region. I actually agree with John Hoynes on this one. We have to keep that part of the world free, prosperous, and also nuclear-free. Chest-beating’s not gonna do it.

REPORTER
Thanks, Congressman. That’s great.

MATT (as the camera crew leaves)
Thanks, guys. (as JOSH walks up) Where have you been?

JOSH
I got, uh, tied up. I’m fine if we want to bring Amy back.

MATT (beat)
Any news?

JOSH
Uh … (clears throat) Hoynes turned us down for the debate again. He must’ve been scared off by what he saw on TV, ‘cause at this point even raw opportunism would suggest that -

NED (walking up, holding a phone)
Bob Russell, for the Congressman.

MATT (taking the phone)
Mr. Vice President … yes … why, thank you …

CUT TO: INT. - LIBRARY – NIGHT

The RUSSELL team is preparing for the TV debate. A TV news report is on a monitor, as RUSSELL is getting makeup dabbed on his face while he goes over some notes. WILL and DONNA are nearby.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
- and after Vice President Russell decided to skip today’s Herald debate and join Congressman Santos, the Hoynes campaign had no choice but to do so, as well. One thing’s for sure – the debate you’re about to see isn’t the one John Hoynes and Bob Russell wanted. Just two days before the New Hampshire primary -

RUSSELL (looking at his notes)
I thought we had a tougher line on means testing.

WILL
You’re gonna want to save that for the, cross-examination.

RUSSELL
Right.

WILL walks over to DONNA, who is watching the TV news.

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
- and far more freewheeling rules are sure to make this seven-way debate a must-see.

DONNA
Have you ever actually closed one eye and tilted your head and looked at the Vice Presidential seal?

WILL
I hate to admit it, but … yes.

DONNA
Really just a blurry-looking seal, isn’t it?

WILL
I’m thinking about closing both eyes.

DONNA (sighs)
What was it you said about frontrunners? Everything to lose, nothing to win?

WILL
And don’t forget to tip the dealer.

DONNA
Want to grab dinner later?

WILL
Who else am I going to have dinner with?

NEWS ANCHOR (on TV)
- the Hoynes campaign had no choice but to do so, as well -

CUT TO: INT. - DEBATE SITE – NIGHT

JOSH comes up some stairs and finds MATT in the wings as workers set up the stage for the debate.

MAN ON SPEAKER (VO)
Testing – one, two, three, testing. (pause, some feedback) Thank you everyone, for being part of this very special New Hampshire Democrat primary debate.

JOSH
I don’t know if I’ve served you very well the past few days.

MATT
What are you talking about? The ad was your idea, so’s this debate.

JOSH
I never thought we’d be here. It’s a miracle I ordered podiums. (MATT chuckles) Truth is, I can’t think of one thing I’ve done to make this your campaign, and not some … cookie-cutter beltway hack-a-thon.

MATT
Oh, I can think of one – you put me in it.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
Gentlemen, if you’ll take your places.

MATT and the other candidates walk onto the stage and stand behind their podiums, to mild applause from the audience. AMY comes up behind JOSH and jostles him.

JOSH
Can I buy you an ice cream cone when this is over?

AMY
My flight’s in an hour.

JOSH
You’re not gonna stay and watch?

AMY
I can never stand to … see candidates flub my lines, anyway.

AMY walks away. JOSH turns to the door to watch her go.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
Please take your seats.

MODERATOR (VO)
Welcome. Thank you for joining us today for the final debate of the New Hampshire Democratic primary.

Stronger applause from the audience this time, as JOSH returns to the wings and looks at the seven candidates standing on stage.

MODERATOR (VO)
For the next ninety minutes, our panel will ask questions of the candidates, and all candidates will answer and all candidates must answer before the debate is to proceed. Then each candidate will be given the opportunity to cross-examine her or his opponent -

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.

The West Wing Transcript
Episode 6x15 – Freedonia
Original Airdate: February 16, 2005