THE WEST WING TRANSCRIPT: In The Room (S6E8)

THE WEST WING
6x8 - “IN THE ROOM”
WRITTEN BY LAWRENCE O’DONNELL JR.
DIRECTED BY ALEX GRAVES

Transcribed by Walking, Talking, And Yelling At Clouds
(kegofglory.blogspot.com)

TEASER

IN THE ROOM

FADE IN: INT. - EAST ROOM – NIGHT

A crowd in the room is applauding, with balloons and party decorations in sight. TOBY and JOSH are having a discussion in the back of the room.

JOSH
He’s a Republican!

TOBY
Not a real Republican, he’s a California Republican.

JOSH
Are we really saying that there isn’t a single Democrat -

TOBY
President thinks Arnold Vinick’s perfect for UN Ambassador, it’s your job to feel him out, see if he’d be up for it.

As JOSH and TOBY turn their attention to the party, the view changes to show the magicians PENN and TELLER standing on a stage in front of the crowd. A giant poster on the wall reads “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOEY!” The crowd stops applauding and sits.

PENN
Thank you. Aw, thanks, we can’t, we can’t tell you what an honor it’s been to be here, to actually work here in the White House. I want to thank our new best friend, Zoey Bartlet, the First Daughter -

We see ZOEY and CHARLIE sitting in the front row.

ZOEY
I’m not the First Daughter.

PENN
Well, I thought -

TELLER holds a pack of cards. The three of clubs magically rises out of the pack.

PENN
Oh, yeah, okay, Zoey Bartlet, the third daughter of the First Family.

ZOEY
Come on, guys, one more trick.

PENN
You are just spoiled rotten, aren’t you, Zoey?

The crowd laughs.

ZOEY
Just one?

PENN
Please?

ZOEY
Please.

PENN
Well, you certainly deserve another trick. Teller?

TELLER motions to ZOEY to bring her up to the front of the stage. He rolls up a large piece of paper into a cone and hands it to her to hold. He pulls out a large red handkerchief, rolls it up, and stuffs it into the cone.

PENN
A simple red handkerchief.

TELLER shows his hands are empty, then pulls a magic wand out of his jacket. The crowd chuckles. He taps the wand on the cone, makes a magic-type gestures that brings another laugh. He puts the wand back in his jacket, takes the cone from ZOEY and opens it, revealing a shower of red glitter but no handkerchief. ZOEY and the crowd break into applause. PENN, who had walked off the stage, returns wearing white gloves.

PENN
I love that trick. So simple. There is nothing like a vanish. So pure. But what does it mean? I know what you’re thinking; a, a magic trick, a simple vanish, can have no meaning whatsoever. But what if, instead of using that handkerchief, a meaningless piece of cloth, we were to use a piece of cloth that was nothing but meaning?

PENN picks up the flagstaff on the stage holding an American flag. TELLER, now also wearing white gloves, removes it from the staff.

PENN
What if the piece of cloth we chose was the flag of the United States of America? ‘Cause, you know, with this flag on stage, there’s a lot to think about.

PENN and TELLER respectfully fold the flag. As they do, PENN continues.

PENN
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam; in full glory reflected it shines in the stream; does the star-spangled banner, o long may it wave, o’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave.

PENN and TELLER finish folding the flag. PENN holds it as he speaks.

PENN
And what if, instead of using that meaningless piece of construction paper, we were to use a piece of paper that means more to us than any other piece of paper in the world -

TELLER holds up a rolled-up piece of paper. He lets it unroll, revealing a copy of the Bill of Rights.

PENN
The Bill of Rights. The first ten amendments to the Constitution. Including my favorite amendment, the First Amendment; it’s the one that guarantees - not just everybody in this room, but every single person in the United States – every citizen, every visitor, every magician … freedom of speech. 

As he continues, PENN stuffs the folded flag into the rolled-up copy of the Bill of Rights held by TELLER.

PENN
It’s the one that says if we want to add a little bit of, uh, spontaneous combustion to our simple vanish, we can do that. We can take a, some tinder -

As TELLER pulls a white piece of cloth from his pocket and adds it to the rolled-up paper, PENN pulls a lighter out of his pocket.

PENN
- and a very eccentric magic wand … and we can do this.

PENN lights the lighter and holds it to the end of the rolled-up paper held by TELLER. The crowd reacts as flames shoot out of the opposite end of the roll.

PENN
And it’s okay. ‘Cause even though the flag is gone -

TELLER shows the rolled-up paper to the crowd. It is now completely empty, with nothing left inside it.

PENN
- the Bill of Rights remains.

TELLER opens up the paper to reveal it is still that copy of the Bill of Rights. The crowd applauds as TOBY and JOSH look on in shock.

TOBY
Did they just burn an American flag in the White House?

JOSH
Uh-huh.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER.
***

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. - BACK OFFICE OF PRESS BRIEFING ROOM – DAY

ANNABETH is walking up the stairs into the back office of the briefing room, Several reporters are there, including KATIE, MARK, and a reporter named WALTER.

ANNABETH
Okay, here’s the latest updated schedule for the China summit … 

MARK
Hey, Annabeth -

ANNABETH
You guys – I’m just gonna run through the highlights real quick. The President leaves Andrews this afternoon at 2:15 pm with a stop in Louisiana before departing tonight from New Orleans for the flight to Beijing.

The reporters start asking questions.

KATIE
Any indication when the President’s going to appoint a new UN Ambassador?

ANNABETH
The First Lady will complete her visit to India tomorrow and arrive in Beijing in time for the state dinner on Thursday night.

KATIE
How long is the President going to leave the UN post vacant?

ANNABETH
Not as long as I’m gonna ignore questions about anything other than the China trip. In the New Orleans stop later today, the President will meet with shrimp fishermen and shrimp packers -

WALTER
Shrimpers.

ANNABETH
What?

WALTER
They’re called shrimpers, Annabeth, not shrimp fishermen.

ANNABETH
In New Orleans, the President will meet with representatives of the shrimp industry about their request to invoke anti-dumping sanctions against imported Chinese shrimp.

CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY

There is a meeting going on about the summit. In the room with BARTLET are TOBY, KATE, UNDER SECRETARY OF STATE BARROW, and CJ.

CJ (handing a document to BARTLET)
Here’s the statement on human rights that you and President Lian will put out at the end of the first day of meetings.

BARTLET
Not a word about Tibet?

TOBY
Tibet’s in there. We just couldn’t use the word ‘Tibet.’

BARTLET (walking to TOBY to give him the document)
Okay, show me where you think the Tibet sentence is here.

KATE
Mr. President, what you say in the room is entirely up to you, what we say afterward in the joint statement is not.

BARTLET
I’m gonna hammer them on Tibet in the room.

KATE
And they’re gonna hammer you about your Indian reservations.

BARTLET
Indian reservations weren’t my idea.

KATE
I’m sure they’ll understand.

CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM – DAY

JOSH is in a meeting with DEPUTY SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION and others, but his attention is drawn through the door to what is going on inside the Oval Office – at least until a staffer closes the Oval Office door.

DEPUTY SECRETARY
I’m just saying the Department of Transportation has a lot on its plate right now.

JOSH
Mr. Secretary, you’ve got transportation on your plate. That’s all.

DEPUTY SECRETARY
Look, Josh, the truth is I assumed you were going on the China trip and that we would have another week to get our homework done.

JOSH
This is more important than the China trip. This is the budget of the United States of America we’re talking about.

JOSH sees LEO walk by outside the room, and stands up, distracted again.

JOSH
You’re the only department who hasn’t submitted a budget proposal yet. I can’t ask OMB to put together a complete budget estimate until I got - 

JOSH starts to leave and follow LEO as DONNA comes in the room behind him.

JOSH
- I’ll be back.

DONNA
Senator Vinick’s confirmed for 11:15, which means we have to move your OMB meeting to, like, now -

JOSH
Give me a minute.

DONNA
And then you’ve got that other thing after wheels-up.

JOSH
What thing?

DONNA
Me.

JOSH
Oh. Right. Sure.

JOSH exits the room and chases LEO down the hall.

JOSH
Hey … you’re back.

LEO
Naw, I just have to sort out some files I have left in my office.

JOSH
Can’t Margaret send them to the house?

LEO
Be a federal crime if she did.

JOSH
Your-eyes-only kind of thing?

LEO
Yeah.

JOSH
You hear about this Vinick thing?

LEO
President ran it by me yesterday.

JOSH
I can’t believe it, Vinick’s been investigating us for seven years, nonstop, we’re offering him a job?

LEO
Sure, we’ve had some run-ins with him, but -

JOSH
Some run-ins?

LEO
He has always supported the President on foreign policy.

LEO walks off, smiling as he greets MARGARET with a hug. JOSH stands in the hallway, lost in his own thoughts.

LEO
Hey, sweetie!

MARGARET
Hey, boss. Let me tell CJ you’re here.

LEO
No, don’t bother her, just set me up somewhere with those files and I’ll stay out of everyone’s way.

MARGARET
I moved them over to CJ’s old office.

LEO
Shredder?

MARGARET
Engine’s running.

CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY

The pre-summit meeting continues.

BARROW
And this is the statement on regional security that you and President Lian will put out at the end of the last day.

BARTLET
The last day shouldn’t be about regional security, it should just be about North Korea.

KATE
Sir, they’re only willing to discuss North Korea in the context of other regional issues -

BARTLET
Don’t they understand that North Korea is their regional security problem? Fix that and we’ve saved half the world.

KATE
I’ve made it very clear to them how much you want to talk about it.

BARTLET
Tell the Chinese if they talk to me about North Korea, they don’t have to talk to me about anything else.

BARROW
Mr. President, our agenda with China is now as long and complex as it is with any other country in the world.

BARTLET
I know.

BARROW
To narrow a summit to this one issue -

BARTLET
I know, I know, we can talk about the rest of this stuff on the plane.

CJ
Mr. President, I think we should cover as much as we can with the staff here before -

BARTLET
We got 20 hours to kill in the air over the next two days.

CJ and TOBY exchange a look.

CUT TO: INT. - PRESS SECRETARY’S OLD OFFICE – DAY

LEO is looking over files. JOSH is still talking with him.

JOSH
We got an election coming up and we’re actually saying there’s no Democrat who can represent us at the UN?

LEO
The President wants Arnold Vinick.

JOSH
Was Vinick your recommendation?

LEO
I’ve known the guy 30 years, and I don’t know anyone better for the job.

JOSH
Sorry, I’m, I’m having some trouble imagining Arnie Vinick as a diplomat.

LEO
UN could use some tough love these days. The President wanted to ask him himself, but you don’t wanna put them alone in the room until we know Vinick will say yes.

JOSH
Well, if he plays hard-to-get I’m out of there, I’m not begging a Republican.

LEO
If he says yes, he won’t be investigating us anymore.

JOSH
We’re doing this just to get him off our backs?

LEO
No. The President thinks he’s the best we can get. I’m just trying to give you your motivation.

CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY

We are back in the meeting on the summit.

TOBY
I think we’re all anxious about the subjects because you’re insisting on being alone in the room with the Chinese leaders.

BARTLET
Yeah, you want to be in the room, too?

TOBY
I do not. But I think CJ and Kate and the Secretary -

BARTLET
I don’t want to fly all the way to China just to participate in another phony ritual of putting out these joint statements on what we already agreed to before the trip.

KATE
After the controversy about the Taiwanese flag, we’re lucky they didn’t cancel the whole thing -

BARTLET
This is my last China summit. It’s my last chance. I want to walk into that room and show the Chinese that they are not dealing with some staff-dependent puppet. I want them to see that I’m ready to get some real work done right there in the room. Progress isn’t good enough for me now – I want to get something done.

TOBY and CJ exchange another look. CJ gets an idea.

CJ
You like shrimp, don’t you?

BARTLET
I love it.

CJ
You might be interested to know how much of the shrimp sold in the US actually comes from China.

BARTLET
Nice. Okay, go ahead.

CJ gives a nod to a staffer on trade, STANLEY.

STANLEY
Uh, yes, sir, well, one of the most difficult trade issues on the agenda this time is shrimp.

BARTLET sits and gives him a look.

STANLEY
Shrimp.

CUT TO: INT. - BACK OFFICE OF PRESS BRIEFING ROOM – DAY

ANNABETH continues her briefing with the group of reporters.

ANNABETH
And on the last day of the summit, the agenda will be the security of the region.

WALTER
Does that include North Korea?

ANNABETH
Yes, it does.

WALTER
So, can we expect to hear something -

ANNABETH
Walter, just let me get through the return trip itinerary and we’re done.

MARK
Annabeth, is it true that Penn and Teller burned an American flag in the White House last night?

ANNABETH
How many times do I have to tell you I’m not taking any questions?

MARK
They warn anybody that they were going to burn a flag?

KATIE
Who invited Penn and Teller to the White House?

ANNABETH
Penn and Teller were invited to perform at a private party last night in the East Room. Because it was a private party, the White House has no further comment.

WALTER
Do you have a list of who was -

ANNABETH
Walter. As I said, it was -

MARK
Was the President in the room?

ANNABETH
Mark. I’m not taking any questions.

KATIE
You just did.

ANNABETH
Well, I’m not taking any more.

The room is abuzz with questions from reporters.

CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE – DAY

The meeting on the summit continues.

STANLEY
Even if we make significant progress in tariffs and quotas and state-sponsored industries, if they don’t budge on the currency issue then we might not actually be able to achieve any real gains the -

CJ reads a note CHARLIE has just brought in to her.

CJ
‘State has confirmed that China has just released Wen Jong as a goodwill gesture on the eve of the President’s arrival -’

CJ stands and exchanges a high-five with KATE.

CJ
‘The dissident had been jailed for six and a half years on charges -’

CJ hands the note to BARTLET.

CJ
Congratulations, Mr. President.

BARTLET
They always give us one before a summit.

KATE
Wen Jong is not just any dissident!

CJ
We need to draft a statement right now.

SURGEON GENERAL MILLICENT GRIFFITH walks into the room.

CJ
Hey, Millie.

MILLIE
Hi, CJ.

BARTLET
Madame Surgeon General; the briefing book on public health in China is maybe just a touch too technical for someone who almost flunked organic chemistry.

CJ
What’d you get, a B?

MILLIE
B plus, as I recall.

BARTLET
Well, I don’t remember any of it. Are your bags packed?

MILLIE
Excuse me?

BARTLET
I need a seminar from you on the plane about SARS and AIDS in China.

MILLIE
No punch line?

BARTLET
Wheels-up at what, CJ?

CJ
2:15, but we’re already 20 minutes behind, so …

CJ gestures to TOBY as she heads out of the room.

BARTLET
So you got plenty of time to pack.

MILLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Leonard, go ahead.

STANLEY
Stanley.

BARTLET
Okay.

STANLEY
As I was saying, uh, since the Chinese currency remains pegged to the dollar …

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE – DAY

CJ and CHARLIE walk into the outer office, followed by TOBY. ANNABETH is waiting for them.

ANNABETH
The Penn and Teller thing leaked.

TOBY
Big surprise.

ANNABETH
I got hit with it when I was giving them the China schedule.

CJ
How’d the ‘private party’ line go over?

ANNABETH
Like a lead balloon.

TOBY (to CJ)
Told ya.

CJ
The President’s not going to let us say anything else.

ANNABETH
They want to know who invited Penn and Teller. They want to know who was in the room.

CJ
And they really want to know if the President was in the room.

ANNABETH
Right.

TOBY
I knew this was going to leak the second it happened.

CHARLIE
The second what happened?

TOBY
Hmm?

CHARLIE
It was a magic trick. How do we know what they did or how they did it?

CJ
Are you saying maybe they didn’t really burn the flag?

TOBY
Doesn’t matter, people saw them do it.

CHARLIE
Maybe they burned a flag, maybe they just pretended to burn a flag.

CJ
Okay, Annabeth, get Penn and Teller to make a statement saying they didn’t really burn the flag and we’re done. I don’t want flag questions chasing us all the way to China.

CJ and TOBY head back into the Oval Office, where only KATE and MARGARET are left with BARTLET. KATE is trying out a statement while MARGARET has some papers for CJ.

KATE
And so we commend the Chinese government for releasing Wen Jong, but we hope that other -

BARTLET
‘Commend’ is too strong a word, isn’t it?

TOBY
How about ‘encouraged’? We were encouraged by the Chinese government.

BARTLET
Yeah, that’s better.

CJ holds out some papers for BARTLET. 

CJ
We need a couple of signatures.

BARTLET reaches out his right hand for the papers, but they fall to the floor. CJ bends down to retrieve them.

CJ
We need to get that statement out before we get on the plane.

TOBY
Do we talk about who the Chinese government should release next?

As the others talk, we watch BARTLET, his right arm mostly stationary, use his left hand to put a pen into his right hand. 

CJ
No, we should focus on what we won today.

KATE
So, just a general line then about what we hope they do in the future?

CJ
Right. And we need to tie it into the summit.

TOBY
Something about how this shows that the Chinese are ready for real negotiations on all of the issues on our agenda.

BARTLET gives up trying to write and puts his right hand into his pocket.

BARTLET
Let me take another look at that.

CJ
We should check this with State. They’ll want to have input on any statement referring to the summit.

The final shot is the papers on BARTLET’s desk, unsigned, with the pen next to them.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE.
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE OFFICE – DAY

As the Presidential party prepares for the flight out of Joint Base Andrews, CJ, BARTLET, and the new body man, CURTIS CARUTHERS, are entering the Presidential office on board.

CJ
So, we’re going to get Penn and Teller to put out a statement explaining that they didn’t really burn a flag in the White House.

BARTLET
What, and ruin a perfectly good segment of Crossfire tonight?

CJ
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you want every question in the China summit press conference to be about flag burning in the White House.

In the background there’s a TV screen showing coverage of Governor Baker.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S BULLPEN – DAY

That same TV coverage of Baker is seen on a TV in the bullpen. DONNA, at her desk, is talking to JOSH, in his office doorway.

DONNA
You want to see any of these Christmas party invitations I’m declining for you?

JOSH
Only the ones you’re accepting, which I hope are none.

DONNA
So far.

JOSH
Are wheels up yet?

DONNA
In four minutes.

JOSH
So that’s like, what, 50 minutes behind schedule?

DONNA
Forty-eight.

JOSH
Okay, so you owe me …

DONNA
No, no, no, you bet 45 or under, and I -

JOSH
I never bet 45 or under, not on a foreign trip.

DONNA
You really want to become a pathological liar over three bucks?

JOSH (walking down the hall)
I’m late for Vinick.

DONNA
Not any more you’re not.

JOSH
Did he cancel?

DONNA
No, I just rescheduled it for you.

JOSH (returning to DONNA)
This better be good.

DONNA
Vinick’s scheduler was fine with it.

JOSH
Did it occur to you that I might have a problem with it?

DONNA
She said later would actually be better for the Senator, he won’t be rushed.

JOSH
Uh-huh. So?

DONNA
So, Charlie needs you.

JOSH
Charlie?

DONNA
Well, obviously that means it’s a CJ thing, he’s been passing along stuff for her since she’s been, you know, on the road.

JOSH
You can say China trip. Every time you say ‘on the road,’ it screams trying to avoid saying ‘China trip.’

DONNA
Me avoid saying something to you?

JOSH
Let’s get two things straight: first, I’m fine not going on the China trip. Picking a UN ambassador is no small thing.

DONNA
You didn’t pick him.

JOSH
And second, only I can decide to reschedule Vinick, not you and Charlie.

DONNA
Okay, to keep your fragile ego intact, I’ve been trying to avoid using the phrase, ‘direct order from CJ.’ I’ll take your coat.

JOSH glumly turns around as DONNA takes his overcoat.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE – DAY

TOBY is getting coffee in the galley and then walks through the press seating area. We hear an announcement from a disembodied voice somewhere.

VOICE
We will be landing in New Orleans in 25 minutes. The press -

The reporters start asking questions as TOBY walks by.

TOBY
I have nothing more on the flag thing.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE CORRIDOR – DAY

BARTLET, KATE, and CJ come out of a room and walk down the corridor as TOBY joins them.

BARTLET
CJ, I think we’ve used about enough presidential time talking about a kid’s birthday party, what else you got, Kate?

KATE
Did they really burn the flag -?

BARTLET
I don’t know. I was in bed five minutes after Zoey blew out the candles.

TOBY (as they enter the presidential office)
I have a draft statement for you to look at. We really should get a statement out before we land in New Orleans.

BARTLET takes the statement from TOBY to look at it. He is still keeping his right hand in his pocket.

BARTLET (reading)
‘While I do not condone flag burning, blah blah blah … I was not present when, blah, blah, blah …’ it’s too long.

TOBY
Let me work on that.

BARTLET (keeping the statement away from TOBY)
No, let me. It was a private party.

BARTLET now hands the statement back to TOBY.

TOBY
I’ll stress that.

BARTLET
No, that’s it. That’s my statement, ‘it was a private party,’ period, not another word.

TOBY
It was in the White House.

BARTLET
Underline private.

TOBY
It wasn’t in the residence, it was in the East Room. There were at least 50 people there, we can’t just say -

BARTLET
I’m not letting anyone drag me into a national shouting match about what happened at my daughter’s birthday party.

CJ and TOBY exchange a look. There is a knock at the door, and CURTIS leans into the room.

CURTIS
Landing in New Orleans in 20 minutes.

BARTLET
Thank you.

CURTIS exits, closing the door.

BARTLET
Go ahead, Kate.

CUT TO: INT. - STAFFERS OFFICE – DAY

JOSH is talking with CHARLIE as people buzz around them.

CHARLIE
Just so you know, I’m not comfortable with this. CJ wanted to call you directly, but she got pulled into a thing.

JOSH
On the plane.

CHARLIE
It’s not just you. She’s already had me on the phone this morning with half the Cabinet. She just can’t make every phone call herself.

JOSH
Right.

CHARLIE
Anyway, she wants you to help out on the flag burning thing.

JOSH
Instead of getting us a UN ambassador?

CHARLIE
No, not instead of, just before. Twenty-seven congressmen signed this letter demanding the President explain what happened. The story’s all over cable news, CJ’s afraid it’s going to drown out coverage of the China trip. She needs you to -

JOSH (grinning)
Put out the fire? She actually say, ‘put out the fire’? Tell me she said ‘put out the fire.’

CHARLIE looks askance at JOSH.

CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – DAY

ANNABETH is walking down the hall towards the Communications bullpen with JOSH and CHARLIE.

ANNABETH
We’re already buried in calls from all the usual suspects, plus Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, Daily Variety, Hollywood Reporter, Magicians Monthly …

JOSH
Okay, okay – why don’t you track down Penn and Teller and get them on the phone with me.

ANNABETH
Them? Teller doesn’t speak.

JOSH
That’s just an act.

ANNABETH
Penn told me Teller doesn’t speak.

JOSH
You’ve talked to Penn?

ANNABETH
Yeah, right before you came in. They’ll be here in a couple of hours. Sounded pretty cooperative on the phone.

JOSH
Okay – who are we kidding? You don’t need me on this thing.

As JOSH turns to leave ANNABETH’s office, WILL walks up holding a statement.

WILL
Hey … just wanted to give you a heads-up on the Vice President’s statement about the flag burning. He wants to get it out this afternoon.

JOSH takes the statement and reads it.

JOSH (reading)
‘When I was in Congress, I led the fight for a Constitutional amendment to ban flag burning. This obscene stunt once again points out the urgent need for a Constitutional -’ Can this guy open his mouth without pandering? Let me know when Penn and Teller show up.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY

JOSH and WILL walk into JOSH’s office.

WILL
You gotta understand my position, I tried to talk him out of this -

JOSH (shouting)
Donna, where’s the OMB report on the HHS budget?

DONNA (coming into the office)
Where the OMB reports always are, in the stack beside the thing.

JOSH
Right. (as DONNA starts out) Oh, and the, uh … supplements?

DONNA (coming back)
They’re in the supplementary stack, beside the other thing. (exiting) Okay, I’m done helping you ignore Will.

WILL
So how would you suggest the Vice President handle a flag burning in the White House, what would you tell him to do?

JOSH
I would tell him to shut up! I would tell him to show a little loyalty to the President and his family, but then I’d have to explain to him what loyalty is, wouldn’t I?

WILL
Do you have time to do that now?

JOSH looks at WILL.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE – DAY

TOBY is on the telephone in the corridor.

TOBY
He shook a few too many hands in New Orleans, but the pilot says we can make up some of the lost time in the air.

A steward carries a tray of food into the presidential office. CJ and STANLEY are seated in front of BARTLET, as STANLEY continues to brief him on trade issues. KATE and BARROW are also in the room, and TOBY soons joins them.

STANLEY
Yes, China is definitely dumping shrimp in the US at below-cost prices, but so is Vietnam. So, if we threaten to bring a WTO case against China, then we have to threaten Vietnam, too.

KATE
And obviously, the US threatening Vietnam can wake up a lot of sleeping dogs.

BARTLET
How much of our shrimp comes from China and Vietnam?

STANLEY
Twenty-five percent. There’s no way that our domestic industry could replace that much of the supply, and it would only make it easier for Brazil to increase their market share.

BARTLET
But I just told those guys in New Orleans that I would do something.

BARROW
You will do something. You’ll raise the issue with the Chinese.

BARTLET
You know, Teddy, no one outside of the State Department thinks that raising the issue and doing something are the same.

The camera moves to BARTLET’s tray of food, untouched.

CUT TO: EXT. - PORTICO – NIGHT

JOSH and WILL are meeting with RUSSELL as they walk along the Portico.

RUSSELL
I was a co-sponsor of the flag burning amendment every time we brought it to a vote in the House.

JOSH
Big difference between being a Congressman and being Vice President.

RUSSELL
I know, but I’ve got a lot of history with this subject. Exit polls always showed that voters didn’t know much about me, but the one thing that they did know was that Bob Russell was against flag burning.

JOSH
That’s in one congressional district in Colorado, now you have to define yourself nationally. Do you really want to start with flag burning?

RUSSELL
I gotta say something. It’s the story of the day.

JOSH
China summit’s the story of the day, if you don’t have something to say about US relations with the biggest country in the world, why are you running for President? Voters understand loyalty … they’re not expecting you to take a shot at the President on something that happened at his daughter’s birthday party.

RUSSELL
Eric Baker is going to New Hampshire today to announce his candidacy. You know the press is going to ask him about this.

JOSH
If Baker makes a statement -

RUSSELL
If? Baker has to jump on this. He needs to move to the right on something, this is perfect for him.

JOSH
So what? You think that helps either one of you get the Democratic nomination?

RUSSELL (as they walk through a door into a hallway)
It’s never too early to think about where I gotta be in the general.

JOSH
Mr. Vice President, have you seen Baker’s numbers?

RUSSELL
That’s why I can’t miss any opportunity, like this flag thing.

JOSH
Baker’s at 32, you’re at 19, Hoynes and everyone else are in single digits. You’re not going to catch up to Baker with flag burning. Baker’s just a governor. He’s gotta jump at every issue to get coverage outside of Pennsylvania. You’re Vice President of the United States. You can’t go chasing every little controversy that comes along. You can’t let Baker dictate your agenda. You pick your spots carefully, every speech you give would be treated as breaking news on CNN.

RUSSELL
I need you to pick those spots for me. Will here’s been telling me for a while that you’re the guy to run this campaign, and now I can see why.

NANCY comes up to RUSSELL.

NANCY
They’re ready for you now.

CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY – NIGHT

WILL and JOSH are walking away from the Mural Room into JOSH’s office. 

WILL
He’s not stupid.

JOSH
That’s your bumper sticker?

WILL
He was smart enough to take your advice.

JOSH
That was a setup.

WILL
No, it wasn’t, he really did want to put out that statement. I couldn’t talk him out of it. Once I heard your take on it, seemed like the perfect time to put you two together. This is a write-your-own-ticket offer, you’d have complete control.

JOSH
You don’t want to run it?

WILL
I’ve never done a national campaign. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

JOSH
Baker’s gonna chew him up in the debates. Even Hoynes’ll run rings around him on the issues.

WILL
Sure – Baker’s gonna be the front-runner, but the VP is gonna be the only guy with enough money to hang in there against Baker.

JOSH
What about Hoynes?

WILL
Damaged goods.

JOSH
So you think it’s a two-man race by the time we get to Super Tuesday?

WILL
Right. And Baker’s not gonna play well in the South.

JOSH looks thoughtful.

WILL
I heard Hoynes made you an offer. (beat) Has Baker called you?

JOSH
Bruno runs Baker’s campaigns.

WILL
Bob Russell might be the next President of the United States. You get in now, you can make him the candidate you want him to be. After that, we make him the President we need him to be.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO.
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. - JOSH’S BULLPEN – DAY

JOSH is heading out of his office, wearing his coat as he walks by DONNA’s desk.

JOSH
Where is Vinick’s office?

DONNA
Dirksen 464.

JOSH
Thanks.

DONNA
Got Penn and Teller’s statement.

JOSH
Let me see.

DONNA (handing it to him)
You’re not gonna love it.

JOSH walks off with the statement, DONNA follows him.

DONNA
So how about a few minutes after you get back from the Vinick meeting?

JOSH
For what?

DONNA
For me. For that talk we were gonna have about -

JOSH (reading)
‘The Supreme Court has ruled that we can do whatever we want with the flag, and the Founding Fathers obviously intended ...’ Are they still here?

JOSH brushes by a downcast DONNA and heads off.

CUT TO: INT. - COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN – DAY

PENN and TELLER are regaling a group of staffers, including CHARLIE and ANNABETH. PENN is juggling a few items, including an apple, with TELLER standing directly in front of him. TELLER occasionally takes a bite from the apple as PENN continues to juggle it.

PENN
Juggling identical objects, identical weights, is pretty easy with about, you know, five years practice, but juggling – uh – different weights, different shapes, stuff you’ve just picked off people’s desks, stuff you couldn’t possibly have practiced with, that’s when it gets a little bit, uh, tricky.  

JOSH walks in as PENN finishes juggling, the apple in TELLER’s mouth.

CHARLIE
That’s amazing.

PENN
Thanks a lot.

JOSH
This statement does me absolutely no good. I need you guys to give me a statement saying exactly what you did last night – preferably that you did not burn a flag – and if you did actually burn a flag, I need you to admit it, and emphasize that you did not clear your act with anyone in the White House before you performed, and had you done so, you now realize you would have been explicitly forbidden to burn a flag in the White House, and you now deeply regret the controversy you have provoked and apologize to the President and his family for treating his home with such disrespect.

PENN (holding out a hand)
Hi, I’m Penn Jillette. This is Teller.

JOSH (shaking hands)
Hi. Josh Lyman. (to TELLER) How you doing?

PENN
He doesn’t talk.

JOSH
Doesn’t talk like Harpo Marx or really doesn’t talk?

PENN
What’s the difference?

JOSH
Okay, how did you do the flag trick?

PENN looks at TELLER, then starts to laugh.

PENN
We’re not gonna tell you that.

JOSH
Fine. So if Annabeth goes out there and says that you did not burn a flag last night, no one can refute that.

ANNABETH
Except the hundred people who saw them burn a flag or think that’s what they saw.

PENN
You tell me, Charlie, did we burn a flag, or did we just - vanish a flag in a patriotic flash of fireworks?

CHARLIE
Don’t know.

PENN (to JOSH)
What’s the difference?

JOSH
Well, there’s a big difference politically.

PENN
Why? I mean, what if we burned a flag, not in protest, but in celebration of the very freedoms that allow us to burn a flag; the freedoms that everyone who has ever worked in this magnificent building has pledged to preserve and protect?

(Pause)

JOSH
Did you go to law school?

PENN
No. Clown school.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE OFFICE – DAY

The meeting with BARTLET and his advisers is continuing. We see CJ taking note of BARTLET’s untouched food.

BARTLET
Let’s find a compromise on shrimp that I can ask the Chinese to offer Vietnam without our fingerprints on it, something that nudges both of them closer to fair price levels.

CJ
Okay, everyone, the President has a phone call to make.

CJ ushers everyone out, including TOBY, who exchanges another look with her before exiting.

BARTLET
What was all that about?

CJ
You okay?

BARTLET
I’m fine.

CJ
You’re not eating.

BARTLET
I’m not that hungry.

CJ
You said you were hungry when you were ordering.

BARTLET
Don’t worry, I’ll eat. But thanks for getting rid of them. Sixteen more hours of that would be a bit much. Send Millie in, would you? I don’t need to talk shop with her.

CJ
Yes, sir.

CJ exits as BARTLET watches her go.

CUT TO: INT. - VINICK’S OUTER OFFICE – DAY

JOSH is waiting outside VINICK’s office.

WOMAN
The Senator will see you now.

The WOMAN opens the doors to VINICK’s office and ushers JOSH inside. SENATOR ARNOLD VINICK is sitting in a chair, polishing his shoes.

JOSH
Mr. Chairman?

VINICK
Shine your own shoes, Josh?

JOSH
No, I, I can’t say that I do.

VINICK
My father used to say you can’t trust a man who doesn’t shine his own shoes.

VINICK turns to look at JOSH’s shoes.

VINICK
Does anybody shine those things?

JOSH
Not really, no.

VINICK
How many guys left in this town shine their own shoes?

JOSH
Not a lot.

VINICK
None.

JOSH
Is that how many you trust?

VINICK
That’s exactly how many I trust.

JOSH
Mr. Chairman, the President -

VINICK
I know what you’re thinking – must be lonely being this mean old guy who doesn’t trust anyone. Well, I trust my brother, my four children, my nine grandchildren, and my dog. I suspect that’s more than you trust, now, isn’t it?

JOSH
Yeah.

VINICK
The Founding Fathers didn’t set up a government based on trust. They could’ve designed a government based on trust in our ability to govern fairly, but they knew that power corrupts, so they invented checks and balances. That was genius. The Founding Fathers did not want me to trust you, and they did not want you to trust me.

JOSH
Well, they must be very proud of us.

VINICK
Have a seat.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE OFFICE - EVENING

MILLIE is talking with BARTLET. His tray of food remains untouched in front of him.

MILLIE
Oh, we’re still negotiating Christmas. Tommy wants to go on an archeological dig with some heathen professor of his, and Cleo’s doing Christmas with her dad this year.

BARTLET
Then you’re doing Christmas with your goddaughter and her family.

MILLIE
I can’t afford another Bartlet Christmas on this government salary. Way too many presents!

BARTLET takes a beat.

BARTLET
Millie, I can’t move my hands.

There is a long pause.

MILLIE
Ever happen before?

BARTLET
It’s usually one or the other.

MILLIE
Never both?

BARTLET
No.

MILLIE gets up and comes around the desk to examine BARTLET.

MILLIE (holding a hand)
You feel that?

BARTLET
No.

MILLIE (reaching for the other hand)
Anything?

BARTLET (whispering)
No.

MILLIE
You want me to bring in the flight doctor?

BARTLET
Not unless it gets worse.

Another pause.

MILLIE
Well – I guess I’m going to have to feed you then, aren’t I?

MILLIE gets the silverware and napkin ready as BARTLET stares ahead.

CUT TO: INT. - VINICK’S OFFICE – DAY

VINICK is still shining his shoes as he talks with JOSH.

VINICK
Every White House forgets about checks and balances. You guys are no different.

JOSH
Checks are fine, it’s the witch hunts I got a problem with -

VINICK (sliding a can of shoe polish across the table to JOSH)
You’ll need Cordovan for those. Pick up a brush, you’re not leaving this room with shoes like that.

JOSH pulls off one of his shoes.

VINICK
Here’s another check you won’t like … I’m gonna hold another hearing on your man Margudian, taking a Marine helicopter to play golf in Florida.

JOSH
Come on, that was over a year ago, we fired the guy.

VINICK
No, this was another incident, the year before that one.

JOSH
You really think the American people care about this?

VINICK
Hope not – but I got a dozen members of my committee who do. They think it’s a good way to get on TV. You think I like investigating high school stuff like this?

JOSH
Fooled me.

VINICK
Have I ever campaigned saying I was going to be the best investigator in the Senate? Of course not. This isn’t what I came here to do. I came here to make this a better government, to make this a better country, and I just wish you guys would stop serving up these goofy things for us to investigate.

JOSH
We’ve run a pretty tight ship lately.

VINICK
Yes, you have … which is why they had to reach back a couple of years to find something new to yell about. But just do me a big favor, will ya? No more flag burnings in the White House. I’ve had four nuts demand hearings on that one already.

JOSH
So?

VINICK
So I told them that the United States Senate does not investigate what happens at kid’s birthday parties. Not as long as I have anything to say about it.

JOSH
Have you decided if you’re going to run for another term?

VINICK
Yep. Flying home tonight, making my announcement tomorrow. Why, you want to make me a retirement offer?

JOSH
Yeah, I happen to have one on me.

(beat)

VINICK
What have you got?

JOSH
Help the President make the world a better place. 

VINICK
UN. (pause) That’s tempting. That’s very tempting. But that’s not the job I want.

JOSH
Well, the President didn’t send me with a menu of jobs, just this one.

VINICK
The President can’t give me the job I want.

JOSH
Which one?

VINICK
His.

JOSH’s eyebrows raise as VINICK continues with his shoes.

JOSH
You’re running?

VINICK
Starting tomorrow. (pointing to JOSH’s shoe) You missed a spot on the heel.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

MILLIE, CJ, and TOBY are sitting around the table as cable news footage of military manuevers plays on the TV.

MILLIE
The only thing to do is let him rest, he could feel fine by the time he gets off the plane.

TOBY
Or he could get worse.

MILLIE
Well, if this is as bad as it gets, no one’ll notice a thing.

CJ
Except when he has to shake hands, which he’s going to have to do about 200 times before lunch tomorrow.

MILLIE
It’d be good to keep the handshaking to a minimum.

CJ
We should cancel the first reception.

TOBY
You know how many weeks the protocol officers spent on that one? The public events are the only ones the Chinese really care about.

CJ
If the President of the United States can’t publicly shake hands with another head of state …

TOBY 
It’d sure kill the flag burning story.

MILLIE
Could we get Abbey on the phone?

CJ
Yeah.

TOBY
Who else should we call?

MILLIE
Well, for an MS patient, this is the equivalent of a headache. I mean, who would you want us to call if you had a headache?

CJ (sighs)
Okay. Let’s just keep this on the plane for now.

CUT TO: INT. - PRESS SECRETARY’S OLD OFFICE – NIGHT

JOSH has returned from the Capitol and greets LEO, who is still working on his files.

JOSH
Thought you’d be long gone.

LEO
More junk here than I thought.

JOSH
Shouldn’t you still be, you know, taking it easy?

LEO
I think a two-hour nap qualifies as taking it easy. Did you hook Vinick?

JOSH
Not exactly.

LEO
He’s going to run for another term.

JOSH
I don’t know much a, about heart stuff, but aren’t you supposed to – I, I, I, maybe we shouldn’t -

LEO
Don’t worry, you’re not going to shock me into my grave.

JOSH
He’s running for President.

LEO is taken aback.

JOSH
He announces tomorrow.

LEO
President?!

JOSH
I don’t, I don’t see how he gets the nomination. What’s he gonna run on, tax cuts and more tax cuts? Every Republican candidate’ll be for tax cuts. Then what? Flip-flop on abortion?

LEO
He’s against late-term abortion.

JOSH
That’s not good enough for the Republican base.

LEO
He’s got a lot of California money behind him.

JOSH
Even if he raises twice as -

DONNA bursts into the doorway.

DONNA
Sorry, but Eric Baker’s live on MSNBC right now. Says he’s not running.

JOSH and LEO look at each other before JOSH leaps up to follow DONNA down the hall.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH’S BULLPEN – NIGHT

All the TVs in the room are playing coverage of BAKER’s speech. JOSH comes down the hall and joins DONNA and WILL, who are watching.

BAKER (on TV)
And so, I have decided for family reasons that this is not that time. This is the time that I can keep my commitment to the people of Pennsylvania to be a full-time governor, and the commitment to my family to be a full-time father.

WILL
Family reasons?

JOSH
Unbelievable.

BAKER (on TV)
Well, I never decided to get into the Presidential race, so I can’t see how you can say I dropped out of it.

WILL
How lucky can we get?

JOSH
You’re never gonna get luckier than this.

BAKER (on TV)
I expect to stay neutral in the Democratic primaries -

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE OFFICE – NIGHT

BARTLET remains sitting in his chair as CJ talks to him. CURTIS is also there. The TV is showing BAKER’s press conference.

CJ
Millie says you should use the flight to rest, no more meetings.

BARTLET
Thanks.

CJ
We’re not gonna interrupt you for anything.

BARTLET
Fine by me.

TOBY bursts through the doorway.

TOBY
Excuse me, Mr. President, Baker just dropped out.

BARTLET
Baker’s not running?

CJ
Toby …

CURTIS exits.

TOBY
It looks like our very own Bob Russell is the new front-runner for the Democratic nomination.

CJ
Toby, please. Mr. President, this is exactly what we’re not going to do. You need to rest, so we’re not going to bring you anything you don’t need to know immediately.

TOBY and CJ start to leave. As CJ pulls the door closed:

CJ
But we mean real rest, not studying briefing books.

BARTLET
Are you going to watch me rest?

CJ
If I have to.

BARTLET
Get out of here.

CUT TO: INT. - PRESS SECRETARY’S OLD OFFICE – NIGHT

JOSH and LEO are discussing the day’s events.

LEO
Family reasons.

JOSH
Go figure.

LEO
He’s close to Vinick, you know.

JOSH
No, I didn’t know.

LEO
Yeah, Baker was on the Judiciary Committee staff back when Vinick was a freshman Senator, they’ve been tight ever since.

JOSH
So what? Since when have you seen friendship trump ambition in politics?

LEO
Maybe Baker figures the Democratic nomination’s not worth winning this time if he has to go against Vinick in the general.

JOSH
But there’s no way Vinick’s getting the nomination, he’s not conservative enough.

LEO
I’m just saying, Baker’s not sitting this out for family reasons. Could be Vinick – could be something else …

JOSH
Who’s our front-runner with Baker out?

LEO
Run a poll without Baker in it and Russell’s gonna go sky-high. Hoynes will pop, too.

JOSH
Russell or Hoynes gets our nomination, who gets the Republican nomination?

LEO
It’s wide open. They’ve been out of power for eight years and they’re desperate. Probably why Vinick figures he has a shot.

JOSH
You’re serious?

LEO
Ever see Arnie Vinick campaign, up close? He’ll go into those high school gymnasiums in Iowa and New Hampshire and blow them all away. Shake every hand in the joint, kiss every baby, hug every widow on Social Security … and sound smarter and more honest than any Republican they’ve ever seen – because he is. He could win in the early states, go into the South with some momentum, then … who knows what happens?

JOSH
Republican who wins California wipes us out in the Electoral College.

LEO
Right.

JOSH
He’s not getting the nomination.

LEO
If he does … we’ve got no one who can beat him.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE.
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: EXT. - SANTA PAULA CITY HALL – DAY

VINICK is making his announcement outside Santa Paula City Hall in front of an enthusiastic crowd. We first see him on multiple TV screens, then the camera moves up to show the scene.

VINICK (on TV)
And so, I have returned to the place where my, my career in public service began, right here at City Hall, to announce my candidacy to be the next President of the United States.

VINICK
And I ask you, I ask all of you who have been with me from the beginning -

The scene changes back and forth from JOSH in his office, listening to VINICK while looking at a newspaper, and the scene outside City Hall.

VINICK (on TV)
- to set out with me today from this valley on this new quest, to help me bring the promise and the opportunity of America to all Americans.

Back to the live shot.

REPORTER 1
Senator Vinick, do you think you’re conservative enough to get the Republican nomination?

VINICK
I think I’m Republican enough. I’ve been a life-long Republican -

Back to JOSH in his office.

VINICK (on TV)
- always been loyal to the party, always will.

Back to City Hall.

REPORTER 2
Do you think President Bartlet should investigate whether a flag was burned in the White House?

VINICK
No.

Back to JOSH.

VINICK (on TV)
I accept the President’s statement that it was a private party. I don’t think we need to hear any more about it.

REPORTER 1 (on TV)
But don’t the people have a right to know if a flag was -

DONNA comes into JOSH’s office carrying a folder.

DONNA
Are you watching?

VINICK (on TV)
The people have a right to know the President’s position on the issues. But they don’t have the right to know what happens at his daughter’s birthday party.

REPORTER 1 (on TV)
But if they burned a flag in the White -

VINICK (on TV)
Hey, I think this is a perfect demonstration -

Back live to City Hall.

VINICK
- of what the President is flying halfway around the world right now to try to teach the Chinese government; the meaning of freedom.

Back to JOSH and DONNA watching the TV.

VINICK (on TV)
It’s a good thing the magicians didn’t try this trick in Tiananmen Square, with the Chinese flag wrapped in the Chinese Bill of Rights. Because there is no Chinese Bill of Rights.

REPORTERS (on TV)
Senator! Senator!

VINICK (on TV)
Thank you! Thank you!

DONNA (to JOSH)
You have a year to talk me out of voting for him.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE – NIGHT

The overhead lights are being shut off, and reporters in the press cabin are closing their laptops for the night as the pilot makes an announcement.

PILOT (VO)
We’ve reached our cruising altitude of 41,000 feet and we’re anticipating a smooth ride over the Pacific tonight. We’ll be passing the Hawaiian Ridge to our south in approximately an hour, and as always, I’ll give you a reminder as we pass -

KATE walks down the corridor and finds CJ resting in her seat.

KATE
We’ve got a situation.

CJ
What?

KATE
South Korea.

CJ stands, and she and KATE walk to the Presidential office. They knock at the door and enter, finding BARTLET lying on the sofa.

BARTLET (groggily)
I thought you were gonna let me rest.

CJ
I’m so sorry, sir, State just got a heads-up from the IAEA that they’re gonna report tomorrow, that the South Korean government has admitted to conducting an experiment to enrich uranium. South Korea is not releasing any details. We need you to get on the phone and get the President to come clean. We can’t ask China to help stop North Korean nuclear experiments if the South is doing it, too. 

CJ picks up a phone handset.

CJ (into phone)
Get us a secure line with the South Korean President.

BARTLET (quietly)
CJ. Hold it.

CJ
Sir?

BARTLET
I can’t move.

CJ looks to KATE.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE CORRIDOR – NIGHT

As the reporters and others sleep in their seats, we see Secret Service agents taking their places. Two men, including CURTIS, carry BARTLET on a stretcher down the corridor past sleeping passengers, as they take him to his quarters.

MILLIE
Progressive paralysis. He had trouble with his hands, now it’s both legs and his right arm -

BARTLET
So much for being staff-dependent in China.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT (to CJ)
Fairbanks is closer, but Anchorage is better for a 747.

BARTLET
I’ve got better doctors up here than I’d get down there.

CJ
Mr. President, we can’t take the chance that the -

BARTLET
Let’s not pretend we didn’t know this was going to happen.

CJ
No, Mr. President, I didn’t know.

BARTLET is now on a sofa bed in his quarters, with MILLIE examining him.

BARTLET
I mean, we always knew it was gonna happen someday. I’m ready for it, you better be, too.

CJ
Mr. President, we can’t land in China with you -

BARTLET
This plane is going to China! That’s a direct order from your Commander-in-Chief.

MILLIE
Okay, we’re gonna need to clear the room for some tests.

CUT TO: EXT. - PORTICO – NIGHT

It is raining, with a roll of thunder. JOSH is sitting on a bench, thinking. WILL walks up to him, carrying some papers.

WILL
Got some new numbers.

WILL hands the papers to JOSH and sits next to him.

WILL
Tracking poll has us up 16 points with Baker out of the race.

JOSH (looking over the polling)
Hoynes is up, too.

WILL
Yeah, but we picked up a lot more. Russell’s the man to beat now.

JOSH
Yeah.

WILL
Listen, we have a breakfast tomorrow with senior campaign staff, why don’t you drop by? Doesn’t commit you to anything, you can just be a fly on the wall, if you want. See how it feels.

JOSH
No thanks.

JOSH sighs deeply, handing the polls back to WILL.

WILL
This isn’t a Broadway show, Josh. We don’t just close it down after a successful eight-year run. You have to care who’s going to sit in that chair after Jed Bartlet is gone.

JOSH
I do. That’s why I don’t want Bob Russell to be President.

WILL takes a moment as that sinks in, then stands and walks away.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

CJ, TOBY, and KATE are strategizing.

CJ
We just have to hope the doctors will talk some sense into him and get this plane turned around.

TOBY
We turn this plane around and that’s the end of his presidency. We’d be saying he can’t do the job anymore.

CJ
No, we’d just be saying he’s sick, we’ll go back to China as soon as he’s up to it.

TOBY
You might as well just say, ‘He’s a part-time President. He can only do the job when he feels up to it’! You really think there’s any chance he’s going to let you turn this plane around?

KATE
If we cancel, the Chinese might not believe us. They’ll think we’re canceling because the South Koreans got caught working on nuclear weapons.

TOBY
We gotta do full disclosure on this.

CJ tries to digest it all.

TOBY
Millie should do a full briefing, with the press, all the medical facts right here on this plane. Just as soon as we know what …

CJ
He knew.

TOBY
Huh?

CJ
That’s why the Surgeon General’s on the flight. He wanted her here to do the briefing. He knew he was having problems, he knew this might happen.

KATE
We’re three hours from Beijing. If we turn around, we’re gonna have to refuel. Maybe we should let the cockpit start checking their options.

CJ
Yeah, okay.

The SECRET SERVICE AGENT comes into the room.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT
He wants to see you. All of you.

CJ, TOBY and KATE are walking down the corridor towards the President’s quarters when the SECRET SERVICE AGENT stops them.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT
Not there. In the infirmary.

They go into the infirmary (which appears to be the Presidential office). BARTLET is now sitting up at his desk, with an IV. MILLIE is helping button his vest.

BARTLET
I just got off the phone with President Wang of South Korea. He insists he didn’t know about the nuclear experiment. Says it was just a couple of curious young scientists and, they only enriched about two-tenths of a gram of uranium. That’s not nearly enough for weapons-grade enrichment, is it?

KATE
Uh, no, it’s not, sir. Weapons grade would have to be at least 90 percent higher than that.

BARTLET
Okay. Wang says they’re cooperating fully with the IAEA inspectors, and he’s ordered these young scientists to participate in a joint press conference with the inspectors tomorrow, and then he’s gonna fire their asses.

KATE
That’s not going to make North Korea feel much better.

BARTLET
I know, but it’s a start. CJ, we gotta set up a quick press briefing for the gang in the back of the plane right away.

CJ
Mr. President, are you, um …

BARTLET (holding out his left arm)
My left hand is back. I still have no feeling in my legs, and my right arm is in no shape to be shaking hands in China. Gotta remember to tell the protocol officer that.

TOBY
Are you in pain?

BARTLET
I’m fine, as long as I don’t attempt any superhuman feat like, say, writing my name. (to a man in the back of the room) Okay, let’s get started. (to CJ, TOBY, and KATE) Think anybody’s gonna ask about that flag burning thing now? All right, look, when we get out there, I’ll lead off with the MS thing, then go to the South Korea story. I’ll leave it to you, Millie, to get into any medical details if anyone has any questions about that.

CJ
Oh, I think they might have a few … hundred.

BARTLET
I’m just going to tell them that the President of the United States will be working from a wheelchair again.

CJ
Again?

TOBY
FDR.

BARTLET
Do I really have to remind those kids that Roosevelt fought World War II from a wheelchair?

TOBY
Yeah, but …

BARTLET
But he died in office. Okay, I’ll skip the Roosevelt bit. (to someone in the back of the room) Bring that thing over here, would you?

CJ, TOBY, and KATE turn to see a wheelchair being set up.

BARTLET
How much you wanna bet I can get them to ask me a question about South Korea?

There is a pause.

CJ
How much you got?

Back in the cabin of the plane, the lights flicker on. The reporters begin to wake up. CJ draws back a curtain in the doorway.

CJ
Sorry to wake you up, but the President has an announcement to make.

CUT TO: INT. - AIR FORCE ONE CORRIDOR – NIGHT

BARTLET sits in the wheelchair as the lights come on around him. CURTIS comes up to take the handles of the wheelchair.

BARTLET
No. I’ll take it from here.

CURTIS goes back to stand in the corridor. BARTLET, with a great amount of effort, using his left arm and trying to get his right arm to help, slowly starts moving the wheelchair down the corridor. He finally gets some momentum going, moving down the corridor and turning a corner to the press cabin.

CJ (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
* * *

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The West Wing Transcript
Episode 6x8 – In The Room
Original Airdate: December 8, 2004